Tag Archives: Mr. Met

You Can’t Play Baseball Without Balls

16 Jan

January 16, 2014

The Chicago Cubs. Loveable losers of baseball. They have a great ballpark, albeit kinda rundown, and some great players over the years. but never a mascot. Until now. The Chi-town Cubs unveiled their first ever mascot yesterday. Ladies and gentlemen, Clark the Cub.

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Cute, huh? I’m not sure what “cute” has to do with being a MLB mascot. The Philly Phanatic is some sort of tongue-lashing beast, The San Diego Chicken is a fearsome warrior, and Mr. Met suffers from hydrocephalus. None of them are cute. So rightfully so, reaction among baseball fans has been clear and absolute: they hate the thing. And so they set out to destroy it. Deadspin.com started a contest to see who could deface the mascot in the funniest way, and trust me, there are many. Well, one stood, um , not head and shoulders, exactly, above the others, and was the clear winner. In fact, some local media was covering the mascot and somehow (and I really want to know how and who got fired) one of the Deadspin versions aired instead of the real one. Let’s watch and see how professional newsreaders handle the unexpected.

He’s friendly, he loves kids, he doesn’t wear pants. You can’t script this, folks.

In other news, Florida’s Billy the Marlin has been arrested for soliciting a prostitute.

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The Spying Eye Sees: Mrs. Met

11 Jul

July 11, 2013

Who is that shapely brunette that The Spying Eye has seen on the arm of hunky major league baseball mascot Mr. Met? Sources say that Mr. Met has found a new love.

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Mr. Met’s family man image has taken a hit lately since his divorce. His first, red-haired wife, known for her charity work with disabled children, has not been seen around the baseball circles in New York for several years, and now this newer, thinner, and yes- hotter wife has taken her place around the baseball diamond.

Mr. Mets' first wife, not seen for many years.

Mr. Mets’ first wife, not seen for many years.

The Spying Eye has yet to get its hands on the prenup, but it is a sure bet that this new Mets hottie is in line for quite a load of Diamond Dust, if you know what I mean.

Meanwhile, The Spying Eye has been unable to reach Rosie Reds, Mr. Mets’ former sister-in-law, for comment.

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The Spying Eye has just one word of caution for the new couple- keep your amorous displays of affection off the field and in the bedroom. Such antics as that pictured below have no place in a family ballpark.

No wonder Mr. Met is always smiling. Mrs. Met obviously takes Tracy Jordan's advice. ("Ladies, give up the butt!!")

No wonder Mr. Met is always smiling. Mrs. Met obviously takes Tracy Jordan’s advice. (“Ladies, give up the butt!!”)

The Spying Eye has not given up on the mystery of Mr. Met’s first wife’s disappearance. This undated photo shows evidence of some kind of brain surgery, given the scars around her temples.ku-mediumAnd in this more recent family photo, taken in 2004, Mrs. Mets’ lack of hair hints at recent chemotherapy.

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