Tag Archives: Miley Cyrus

DEPORT JUSTIN BIEBER!

25 Jan

January 25, 2014

He may not be the biggest scourge facing the nation, but America can use a pick-me-up and nothing would make us happier than to kick this guy’s butt right out of the country. Sorry Canada, but it is time for you to take care of your own trash.

image

 

Look, I admit that he’s not a serial killer and he’s never blown up a church, but unlike Kanye West, we can get rid of this guy. Egging houses, drag races, peeing in buckets in public, drinking, drugs, bad tattoos, etc, it all adds up to one thing- he’s a douche. And while Miley Cyrus is just as bad, we can’t deport her. So for the greater good, toss him back over the border. And while I can’t come out and advocate that we cut his vocal cords and chemically castrate him, well, accidents happen. (DISCLOSURE: The Editor’s and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride do not advocate violence, no matter how many times we advocate violence, WINK WINK  NUDGE NUDGE.) OK, so maybe some immature 14 year old girls may cry, but don’t worry, they’ll move on to One Direction soon.

imagesT5H1WTZH

imagesQ6671F0I

rs_560x415-130830150852-1024__miley-cyrus-twerk-vma_ls_83013

 

ATTENTION LINDSAY LOHAN: You haven’t dropped off my radar yet. The fact that you didn’t make this list doesn’t make you any less annoying, just less relevant. You are still number one on my list to be mopping the floors at McDonald’s, third shift, as part of your 15th rehab. (Probably in the next few months.)

.

.

 

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Three Stooges in Twerk Jerks

10 Dec

December 11, 2013

Oh, how I wish I could travel back in time. Because if I could, I would totally make this Three Stooges short. Moe, Larry, Curley… and Miley???

Twerk Jerks

Picture it. The Stooges are sitting in their room (bedroom/living room/kitchen) gathered around the radio. Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus comes on.

Moe: “Hey, it’s that Miley Cyrus dame.”
Curly: “Ever see her dance? Hubba hubba!”
Moe: “You said it, skinhead.”
Larry: “Ah, she ain’t nothin’. I can dance like her.”
Moe: “Shut up porcupine. I can’t hear the music.”

Larry stands up and starts waving his butt in the air. “Hey Moe! I’m twerking! I’m twerking!”
Moe: I’ll show you twerking!”

Moe hits Larry on the top of the head. Larry, who had his tongue sticking out of his mouth like Miley, bites his tongue and screams. Moe grabs Larry by the belt, from behind, and hangs him from a hook on the wall.
Moe: “Let’s see you twerk your way out of that!”

Curly: “You call that twerking? Watch this! Nyuck nyuck!”
Curly stands up and starts waving his butt around, while moving backwards in circles around the room. Moe, caught behind Curly, has to run to avoid him.
Curly: “Woooo! Woo woo woo! Wooooooo!”

Moe jumps on the bed. He reaches out and opens the door. Curly twerks out the door into the hall. Suddenly, a loud crash is heard. Moe runs out the door. Larry takes of his belt and falls off the hook. He runs after Moe, holding up his pants.

Moe and Larry see Curly with his butt stuck halfway through a door. He twerked into the door and smashed it. They pull Curly out of the door and they go back inside.

Moe: “Sit down you mental midgets. I’ll show you how it’s done.”

Moe plays a single note on a harmonica, smiles, and starts a very sedate, deliberate twerk.
Moe: “See boys? That’s how it’s done and no one gets hurt.”

Larry: “Ahh, you don’t know nothin’. C’mon Curly, let’s twerk!

Fade out on The Stooges twerking.

———-

Ok, it’s a little short, but you get it. Gold! It’s gold! The Three Stooges in Twerk Jerks. If you ever see it, you’ll know my time travel experiments paid off.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →