Tag Archives: Mike

American Chopper: CHOPPER LIVE! (Part 1)

10 Dec

December 10, 2012

Keep checking in as I will update this as the show progresses.

For the (next to) last time…

build off

chopper live logo

Chopper Live: Road to Revenge – (American Chopper Special)
Competing to build the best bike, Junior, Senior, Jesse and the Fast N’ Loud guys bring their unique designs to life. But relentless trash talk and ridiculous pranks raise the stakes and threaten to knock everyone off course

TWO HOURS tonight of “relentless trash talk and ridiculous pranks.” OH BOY! When people ask me why I don’t like the show that way I used to, that’s the answer. I can’t even complain that it stopped being about bikes, that happened a long time ago.

Despite being called “live,” this show is not live. Go figure. Tomorrow night is live.

MY WINNING PICKS:
 Jesse James- no chance.
 Senior- has a chance if A- he builds a bike this time around and B- the fans have been fooled into having some sympathy for him.
 Fast N’ Loud- I think the new guys might win in a sort of passing the torch moment.
 Paulie- will probably win again.

Senior is taking it seriously and building a motorcycle, and when I hear Jason say things like “it saves us both time and money” I remind you of my prediction: he’s the next OCC boss, mark my words. Senior loves him like the son he always wanted.

Meanwhile, it seems like Jesse James is in everyone’s head, since every other team has been talking about him. Yet, and I’ll say it, Jesse James continues to come across like a total ass. The less of him the better.

PJD is doing a classic car theme, from the 1930’s or 40’s. The logic is they want to beat the other guys at their own game- FNL (easier to type that way) predominantly works on cars and Senior owns dozens of classic cars.

FNL wants to build a real motorcycle, a Harley, without the bells and whistles or extra aftermarket stuff, just a bad ass, real bike.

Jesse James said some stuff too, but he talks slowly like he is always stoned so I tend to tune him out.

So after a segment of PJD working on their bike, we get a OCC prank segment. Sigh.

Future OCC boss Jason calls Senior to his office because he wants to prank the FNL guys. Yes, the bike “drawer” called the boss off the floor to make  prank call. Meanwhile, for all their trash talk, the FNL guys have tried to, largely, be above the nonsense.

Meanwhile, if the twitterverse matters, it seems that the tweets (picked by Discovery, so take this with a grain of salt) running at the bottom of the screen seems to be in Paulie’s favor.

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One thing I will say about Jesse, when he isn’t being an idiot, he talks bikes like we never heard on this show. I wonder if, honestly, given the exact same parts and tools, Senior could do what he does.

Senior is building what looks like a, at least from the drawing they showed, stretched out futuristic thing which, and I am calling it, is a loser.

Then we get a FNL vs. PJD prank battle with each imitating the other.

It is now 9:50 and this has more or less been a pretty average episode of American Chopper, but then I realize that I don’t have ten minutes left, I have an hour and ten minutes left.

OH, the Jack Reacher sneak peek! While I have never read a Jack Reacher book, everyone I know who has expects Tom Cruise to suck. I expect that too, simply because I have no respect for his acting.

The OCC bike is turning out to be overdone, overdesigned, overdetailed, just too much. I like the FNL and Jesse James ideas of just doing a real bike, really well.

Hearing Senior and Jason call the FNL guys “Stupid and Stupider” is hysterical, especially considering this:

I started this post by complaining about the lack of bike building over the last few years. Ironically, despite all the dumb pranks, there has been a ton of bike building on this show, mostly by Jesse James.

Meanwhile, the more I see Paulie’s bike, the more I agree with Jesse James and FNL. The bike isn’t looking much like a bike, it has so much non-bike, non-necessary afterthoughts that I am leaning toward FNL over Paulie, although their bike has a ton of pink on it.

Meanwhile, give Fast N’ Loud credit. They were the only guys to finish their bike on schedule. Jesse James needed another two weeks, OCC was going to have to forego an important part of their build, and PJD wasn’t finished either, although they rightly felt that if the had extra time, they’d like to had it earlier in the process. Everyone got two more weeks, which rightfully upset the FNL crew.

Senior took the finished bike out for a ride, and you can vote however you like, but it looks like an overgrown toy. Fail. Of course, that isn’t what OCC is good at, it is lousy pranks, which is what they moved on to next, blowing up dummies of the Fast N’ Loud guys. Or not. They really didn’t explode very much. These pranks are getting as old as Senior.

Jesse James ended up doing the opposite of what he kept saying he would. It is a weird-looking thing that does not look like a normal bike. Senior built an overgrown toy. Paulie built a nice looking bike that is all style over substance. My vote goes to Fast N’ Loud for making a clean, real, bike.

TOMORROW: NOT THE END OF THE AMERICAN CHOPPER ERA
Chopper Live: The Revenge – (American Chopper Live Special)
Senior, Junior, Jesse James and the Fast N’ Loud guys compete in a rematch of the ultimate bike build-off.  You voted.  Now find out the results in a live throwdown hosted by Sal Masekela at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas

Who is Sal Masekela?

According to wikipedia, “Selema Mabena “Sal” Masekela (born August 28, 1971) is an American television host, sports commentator, actor, and singer.”

Skip ahead to 2:49 and watch to 2:55 in this clip to see my reaction.

Oh no they didn’t.

Discovery just advertised ONE LAST episode of American Chopper for next week. One more time, one more time. I swear I thought the Build-Off was the end!

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Late Night Movie House of Crap: Mr. B Natural

13 Jun

June 13, 2012

A couple of years back, in the pre-Late Night Movie House era, I posted Some Monday Afternoon Mystery Science Theater 3000 featuring one of the best and notorious shorts they ever riffed over, Mr. B Natural. (Funniest line? Joel mooning “Mr. B you’re hot!”) I’ll take the lazy high school term paper writer way out and copy from wikipedia. In case you didn’t know it, wikipedia is available in over 285 languages, so the next time some foreign power starts running down the American educational system, just tell them that fact. Then wait for their country’s test scores to drop too.

Mr. B Natural is an androgynous figure, a “hep pixie” who is meant to embody the “spirit of fun in music”. In this capacity, the character inspires children to take up band instruments. The name is a pun on the musical notation B♮ (B natural), as the character explains: “that’s what your feelings of music are, as natural as you can be.”

The character also acts as a kind of nascent brand mascot for C.G. Conn musical instruments, though Mr. B Natural made no appearances for the company beyond the one film.

Conn provided details about the film in the Spring 1957 issue of their magazine, The Baton, distributed to public school music teachers: “Mr. B Natural is the spirit of music in everyone…a sort of LepreCONN who is always no more than an inch away from the fingertips of anyone. Mr. B has a code however, that prohibits him from showing himself for anyone unless he reaches out and calls for the spirit of music. In full color, Mr. B Natural entertainingly answers the call of Buzz, a shy, reticent teen-ager and for twenty-six minutes and forty seconds explains how music and playing a musical instrument will help develop posture, breathing, self-confidence, coordination and in general a young person’s character. Mr. B gives both youthful and adult audiences ease to take instruction in the values of music. The Film is being made available by the Band Instrument Division of Conn through Conn dealers everywhere.”

In captions for the productions photos included in the three-page essay, the title character is consistently referred to as “he”, an indication that Conn intended Mr. B to be of the male gender. However, in an instance of reverse-gender casting similar to the casting of Mary Martin as Peter Pan, (“Mary Martin syndrome” as Kevin Murphy says when writing about his experiences with the short film), the role was cast with an actress, Betty Luster, who had been a television musical variety star only a few years before.

The action opens upon the musical stave in which Mr. B Natural lives. Mr. B addresses the audience directly, in an effort to appear welcoming, and explains what it means to be a spirit of music. Awaiting a person’s call for help, Mr. B evinces sympathy and concern for lonely junior high student Buzz Turner.

Buzz shows an interest in music like the more popular kids at school, but is so shy that he makes excuses to not attend a dance, even when a girl directly invites him. Dejected, Buzz returns home and puts on a record. This magically summons Mr. B into the adolescent boy’s bedroom, whereupon the pixie uses magic, music and dance to convince Buzz to take up playing the trumpet.

In visiting the music dealership, Buzz’s parents are reassured by the salesman that buying a trumpet is “simply making a small investment in your son’s lifetime personality.” When Buzz mentions that he didn’t care what make his new horn would be, he is upbraided by Mr. B Natural, and is treated to a detailed description of the C. G. Conn factory and laboratories.

Through the gift of music and the help of his mysterious friend, Buzz finds the confidence and assertiveness he needs to try out for the school band, impress girls, and play solo at concerts and school dances.

A “hep pixie”? Really?

Anyway, it doesn’t take much for me to post this short because it really needs to be seen to be believed, but unlike the first time I put this up I have the original, uncut, and unriffed version for you to enjoy, with footage cut out of the MST3K version.

But don’t worry, I’ll post the Satellite of Lover version right below.

And now…BEHOLD!

Here it is, the amazing classic Misite riff:

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