Tag Archives: McDonald’s

Allan Keyes Presents: Idiocy Both Accidental and Purposeful.

13 May

May 13, 2013

keyes1.jpg

As the pre-eminent internets recapper in my apartment, I’d be remiss if I didn’t make a post on the latest THING. The FAIL newsreader, AJ Clemente:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (In fact, that was my first draft of this post, just the word HA repeated 800 times)

It’s brilliant, especially at the 14 second mark where he realizes that he’s not only on the air, but will be off the air shortly.  There’s very little I can comment on this except to note that while he is a dummy and a dullard – did you hear the awful monotone he read the news in? It’s like having Droopy Dawg anchoring – he’s also a pretty cool guy about it all. His twitter post after the debacle said it all “That couldn’t have gone any worse.”  I mean good for him. He’ll need that good sense of humor while the world laughs at him, at least until Lindsay Lohan’s next meltdown.

So let’s move on from an accident to an absolute EPIC FAIL creative decision by Mountain Dew, in what has been quite accurately described as the most racist commercial ever:

(Please click as this will not embed.) http://pjmedia.com/eddriscoll/2013/05/02/banned-mountain-dew-ad/

Here’s a network news story about it:

I’m sorry, but even the hardest-core Klansman would see how wrong this is.  Battered women! Corrupt cops! Stereotype thugs! A talking…..goat? Erm – ok whatever. This one is a veritable carnival of awfulness that would even make Don Rickles speechless. On the other hand, I’m inclined to forgive them, since a soda as truly awful as Goat Piss Mountain Dew and the people who drink it deserve a truly awful commercial. If you drink Mountain Dew I’m NOT apologizing – some things just need to be said.  And it’s not like racist commercials haven’t made it through the cracks before – remember this one that we wrote about:

And McDonalds still hasn’t  recovered from THIS disaster of an ad campaign:

(see what I did there?)

But here’s the thing – a genuine dope like AJ Clemente gets fired, fired oh sooooo fired, all for the crime of making a mistake. What are the chances that the brain trust (yeah that phrase is hack, sue me) behind that commercial who willingly and knowingly signed off on that steaming pile of fecalus at MULTIPLE points get no repercussions whatsoever? Your career can end 5 seconds after it starts for something petty and spontaneous and stupid, but a truly massive eff up, nothing. Great times we live in.  If North Dakota can’t take a few unintended curses, too effing bad. It’s the same thing as everyone yelling about David “Big Papi” Ortiz saying “fuck” in front of kids last week. YOU KNOW WHAT OUR WALL TO WALL NEWS WAS A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO?  A DEAD 8-YR OLD AND PEOPLE WHO HAD THEIR LEGS BLOWN OFF BY A COUPLE OF CRETINS, THAT’S WHAT. I THINK THE KIDS AND THE GOOD PEOPLE OF BISMARK CAN HANDLE A CUSS OR TWO.

The idiocy is strong in this nation – except for Mr. BTR of course.

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Breakfast- The Most Important Meal of the Day (Delicious-Tasting Repost)

4 May

May 5, 2013

Mr. Blog is off trying to talk Allan Keyes out of rigging the Kentucky Derby. so for today, enjoy this Classic Repost, not seen in five years.

from June 30, 2007

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride would like to Congratulate BMJ2K – Winner of the 2007 NAACP Image Award on his Outstanding Achievement.

NOTE: The following originally appeared in Woman’s Day Magazine, February 2006, under the pseudonym “Breakfast Betty”

Breakfast has long been known as “the most important meal of the day.” Indeed, though there has been fierce competition from both brunch and dinner, it has always been the morning meal which gives us the strength to make it through our rough days.

Back in the badly misnamed “dawn of time” (misnamed because time actually began about six months earlier) the early hominids that would later evolve to become both the human race and the French (“la culture de la sauce crémeuse“) lived in a state of near-perpetual hunger. During the day fierce predators roamed, and at night the scavengers came out. Early man would hunt in the twilight and try to find whatever sustenance they could. It wasn’t until the discovery of fire led to the innovation of bacon and eggs did humanity’s ancestors feel secure and able to meet the daylight hours. Hash browns soon followed, then coffee, then the pyramids, and then, ultimately, The Federalist Papers.

In today’s modern age, it seems silly to look back just a few decades and realize that our great-grandparents never had the opportunity to eat an Egg McMuffin. Nor did they drink Sunny Delight or Hi-C. (Both of which, by the way, contain no more than 10% juice.)

The Egg McMuffin was created by a McDonald’s franchisee who wanted to increase his profits. He reasoned that his restaurant was only open half the day, but if he opened during the morning hours he would increase sales in the previously closed early hours. He hit upon the McMuffin because it could be easily made on existing McDonald’s equipment. (True story- look it up.)

Today, McMuffin-penetration in our urban areas is fast-approaching 98%. There is not a man, woman, pre- or post-op transsexual, or child who does not have the opportunity for a hearty morning McMuffin.

The question is not, of course, whether or not to eat an Egg McMuffin for breakfast. The question becomes where do you eat your McMuffin? Important as breakfast is, many of us take the McMuffin for granted. Eating on the subway or in your car is not breakfast. Eating at your desk and dripping crumbs on your computer isn’t breakfast. Neither is gobbling your McMuffin while trying to sell a house. (If you are a realtor, this is also not a good way to sell a home.)

Breakfast should be the most human and humane meal of the day. Lunch is often just whenever you can squeeze it in. Dinner is a hassle to be endured with your family or a bad date.

Breakfast, however,  should be the basis of a good day.

Heed my advice: Make a good breakfast the center of your morning. Take it from Breakfast Betty- this column would not have possible without a strong morning meal of pancakes and vodka.

egg-mcmuffin

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