Tag Archives: In Search of

The Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride Wiki

15 Aug

August 15, 2011

(It’s not really a wiki.)

I received an email at the rarely used and even more rarely checked Official Email of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride. I check it when I remember that it exists, which is about once every month to six weeks. That isn’t a problem because in the couple of years since I started it, it has all been, with one exception, junk. (The one exception was a short note from the very funny and good sport Bruce Vilanch, in reference to this post. Yep, I’m a name dropper.) In fact I check it so rarely that I won’t even give the address here in case it motivates someone to use it. But if you insist, click on the “The Author” tab and you’ll find it.

So the other night I looked at the account and found a message from someone calling herself “Internet Goddess.” In a nutshell, she said that she liked the blog (I checked the email, she is a subscriber) but wondered “what is the whole thing about?”

In short, it is “an absurd look at the absurdities of this absurd world.” Catchy, but perhaps not specific enough. So to answer the Internet Goddess, and for all the newer readers, here is a quick rundown of some of the blog’s more popular features. They have no set schedule. Many of them can be found under the tabs on top, which tend to rotate every few months.

The Saturday Comics

Every Saturday I feature a newspaper comic strip which catches my fancy. Generally, but not always, they are long out of print or a still-running old strip. I will occasionally feature something from old comic books, like ads. It is one of my most straight-forward and accessible features. I have also added some older comic book blogs under the banner.

Picture Postcards
These are pictures, about half the time taken by me, of interesting or unusual sights. I am quite proud of a couple of them.

Imponderables
My newest feature. An Imponderable is a funny news story with a ridiculous but unanswerable central question. They tend to be outrageous or inane but always true. After recently finishing an entire week of Imponderables a new one can be found every Friday.

The Late Night Movie House of Crap

This began as a showcase of strange, bizarre, and just plain bad movies but has stretched to include some obscure but fun films.

Mr. Know-It-All
This is the blog’s oldest, angriest, strangest feature. Imagine Doctor Phil with a serious drug addiction, angry at women, usually drunk, and giving the worst, most profane advice to actual letters taken from various advice columns. Dear Abbey on crack does not even come close. I warn you, they are almost all Parental Discretion Advised.

The Tepid Zombie

This is what this blog would look like if it were written after the apocalypse by a zombie. Frankly it isn’t much different but looks much cooler. The zombie used to be an accountant and his lifestyle is still sedentary, but with some brain munching.

TV and Movie Reviews
These are reviews with my own odd spin. I hit reality TV pretty hard. These also freely mix fact and fiction, but underneath them all is usually an actual review. In fact, my Apocalypse Now review is strangely serious and probing.

The American Chopper Weekly Rundown

Immediately after every new episode of American Chopper I provide my summary and analysis. It began as a not so serious goof but lately has taken a serious turn. These posts receive more comments than anything else on the site. If you’re looking for a place to trash Paul Teutul Sr., this is your destination.

Sneak Peek of the Week
As you would expect, every Sunday I give a glimpse into the future and give some hints about what the next week of blogging will bring. They are accompanied by a nice graphic and sometimes they are a feature in and of themselves with content that you can only see on Sunday.

In Search Of


This feature freely mingles fact and fiction. It mingles them to the point of unrecognizability. Each one is a look at a different paranormal topic. Imagine The X-Files meets Fractured Fairy Tales and you start to get the idea.

News Roundups
These have been supplanted by The Imponderables. Each one was a compendium of a month’s worth of strange and silly news.

The Big Ape

Not actually a feature, but you may come across the multi-part Big Ape series. These were about a series of movies and the worldwide phenomenon they spawned, all created by my great-grandfather.

Most of my posts don’t fit into any of those categories. I write about anything that strikes my fancy and I usually try to be funny about it, though I do put in a serious one once in a while. You may stumble across a good number of posts about the strange things that have happened to me while doing the laundry, proving that “life’s most serious moments and most incredibly dumb moments are often distinguishable only by a momentary point of view.”

If a particular series isn’t tabbed at the top you can do a quick search of the index. With nearly 1,100 posts there is something to grab your attention, but as I always say, this blog contains mature themes and even more immature themes. Adjust your disgust accordingly.

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In Search of… The Mummy of King Tut

25 Mar

March 25, 2011

 

In the annals of parapsychology, no creature has a greater basis in fact that the mummy. They do exist. Mummies have been discovered in nearly every part of the world, dating back untold centuries. They are on display in museums across the globe.

The most well-known, the Egyptian mummy, is the result of a complicated process. After death, the body was treated with certain chemicals designed to preserve it long after death, and wrapped in special bandages also soaked in chemicals to aid in preservation. The body itself is adorned with all the elaborate trappings of life. Pharaohs of ancient Egypt were interred in pyramids, huge testaments to their importance and the gateways to their new world, the afterlife.

Buried with the Pharaohs were gold, jewels, and more mundane items, all of which were their for their later use in the world after death. Most of the grand tombs of the ancients have long been found to be empty, looted by grave robbers willing to risk the curses associated with the tombs for the fabulous wealth within.

The most famous Egyptian tomb was discovered by Howard Carter in 1922. It was the most complete, fabulous tomb of the young Pharaoh King Tutankhamen who ruled from BC 1333 to 1324. Along with the jewels and treasure, Howard Carter also discovered sealed jars. When opened, they were found to contain the remains of King Tut’s organs. Mummies had them removed and carefully preserved to delay or avoid decomposition.

Much is known about King Tut. Renowned as the “fun pharaoh,” he ruled over a kingdom famed for song and merriment. In fact, a song performed by King Tut himself, “King Tut,” went to number two on the Egyptian charts, kept out of the number one slot by “Nile Delta Blues” by Pinetop Per-Kin-Ra.

The song was later covered by Lady Gaga-Ra in BC 1218.

The cause of Tut’s death is unknown, but it is speculated that he was assassinated by political enemies. What is known is that after his removal from his tomb in 1922, the mummy of King Tut was reanimated when a an assistant archeologist read from the scroll of Toth. Far from being the fun-loving King Tut, the reanimated pharaoh returned to life angered at those who betrayed him.

Parapsychologists have long hunted The Mummy. Sightings have them as far afield as Scotland, where he was allegedly photographed near Loch Ness in what has become known as the Surgeon’s Mummy Photograph. Yes, Loch Ness. It was a coincidence.

The creature is driven by rage. Researchers feel that The Mummy is a threat to all of humanity. Many amateur groups have tried to stop him but not even the most seasoned of meddling kids have been able to end his threat.

The Mummy is known to be devious and clever, and uses black magic spells and incantations. He has been kept alive by drinking the juice of nine tana leaves, a species indigenous only in the mythical realm of Thundera. It is there that he is often thwarted by a group of parapsychologists calling themselves Tundercats.

Many people scoff at the mummy. They put him in the same category as the Jersey Devil and the New York Mets. Proponents point to the lack of empirical evidence. They say that magic does not exist. They contend that Thundercats is a cartoon and Mumm-Ra and Tut are clearly not the same character. Despite a keynote address by Ardath Bey, noted Egyptian expert and producer of 1932’s documentary The Mummy, skepticism remains.

The motivations of The Mummy of King Tut are not always clear. Although classical Egyptologists are divided on his motivations, most hold that he has a specific set of goals. 1- To avenge his death. 2- To find the reincarnation of his lost love and claim her for all eternity. 3- Win the Indianapolis 500.

Other aspects of his personality are also well-documented. Despite his love of his native Egypt, King Tut is also fiercely loyal and patriotic to his adopted land. In 1939 he became a naturalized American citizen under an assumed name, Kharis von Imhotep of Sweden. When World War Two broke out he enlisted in the US Army.

A series of comic books detailed his exploits and made him a modern-day folk hero. However, he returned home only to find himself once again hunted by scientists and monster hunters. Bitter and rejected he turned once again to a life of evil, rededicating himself to destroying humanity.

Parapsychological research groups continue to monitor the world for signs that he has surfaced. Credible reports are often hard to come by. One of the last confirmed sightings came in 1967.

To finance his arcane rituals he turned to a life of crime. The arch-fiend was last spotted in Gotham City.

The violence in the Middle East and the uncertainty in Egypt have given new fears that The Mummy may be behind the chaos.

The menace of The Mummy cannot be overstated. If you spot The Mummy there are certain steps to take. First, make sure you are not looking at an accident victim. The Mummy is often mistaken for victims of car accidents. Next, do not, under any means, ask him for The Mummy’s autograph, and lastly, never stare at his Ankh.

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