Tag Archives: horror

Chiller Theatre 4/27/2014: Give David Faustino A Coffee

28 Apr

April 28, 2014

Today was the Chiller Theatre convention and let’s get the burning question answered: Was Greg “The Hammer” Valentine drunk? I can’t give you a definitive answer, but here’s how I answered that question last year:

And now, I present Greg “The Hammered” Valentine, April 2014!

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

As in years past, some of the more interesting things in the convention are the times when the celebs are let loose and on their own, like anything having to do with Todd Bridges last year. This year’s person of interest was Bud Bundy, (not) better known as David Faustino. I have nothing against him, other than the fact that calling him a celebrity offends me. Ronald McDonald is more of a celebrity. Want proof? Which one hasn’t worked in 25 years (at least in nothing not in the bargain bin at your local gas station) and which one has been steadily employed and loved by millions of (overweight) kids? I rest my case. But other than that he seems like an OK guy. He was signing at the convention and didn’t seem too busy most of the time. But he had am amazing tan, and considering that this is April in the Northeast, that’s saying something.

At one point I was hanging around the snack counter. I had fifteen minutes to kill before my appointment to have a professional photo taken with Walter “Chekov from the Star Trek” Koenig, who was a last minute replacement for Abe Vigoda. (Abe had not died, only cancelled. I think his colonoscopy results came back today.) While I was there, David Faustino came out and went to the counter for coffee. He asked how much it was, the young semi-English speaking woman behind the counter told him $2, he paid, and got his coffee. After he walked off, the young woman started smiling and giggling, and went over to another semi-English speaking woman and said (in semi-English, which I will clean up) “do you know who that was?” the other woman said no, and the giggly one said “he’s on the TV late at night! When he was a kid! I can’t remember his name!”

Ah, fame.

But I was a little put out. As I said, he seems like a nice guy, but David Faustino was an advertised guest at the show. They couldn’t give him a free coffee? Cloris Leachman was there. I bet she got comped. I’d be surprised if Dominic Chianese got charged. But David Faustino? $2 for a cup of coffee which, by the way, he had to pour himself.

In other convention news, I met and took pictures with WWE Superstars The Godfather and Demolition, Jackie “The Jokeman” Martling, and Walter Koenig. Demolition were a pair of great guys, For some reason, we wanted to talk about their tag team championships while they wanted to talk about how crowded the place was yesterday. Go figure. And Jackie Martling was so gracious I almost felt bad saying “F Jackie” to him. (If you know Martling, you know that’s actually a compliment.

There was also a great display of famous monster props. Check them out below.

 Planet of the Apes

Creature from the Black Lagoon

Creature from the Black Lagoon

Monster Trio Monsters1

Phantom of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera

 

Werewolf of London- Henry Hull

Werewolf of London- Henry Hull

 

 

 

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Fairy Tale Theater: Frankenstein

18 Dec

December 18, 2013

Are Frankenstein and Dracula fairy tales? No, they are not. But I’m rounding out Fairy Tale week with them. Frankenstein today, Dracula tomorrow.

fairy tale theater header

from November 1, 2012

My Memories of Frankenstein

Baron Frankenstein was a lonely boy. Part of the problem was due to his name. Many people think his first name was something normal, like Victor or Fritz, or Flo Rida, but they are wrong. Baron Frankenstein’s first name was actually Baron. (Therefore, when he grew up and inherited his title, he became Baron Baron Frankenstein. Think of it this way: it is as if Queen Elizabeth named her son Prince instead of Meathead.)  Think this is too farfetched? Think again. None other than 21st Century carnival barker Donald Trump named his son Baron. Tru dat. Look it up.

Li’l Baron (Barry for short) Frankenstein had no friends. You’d think being rich and having every toy in the Barony would be enough to ensure friends, but no, it was not. Baron Frankenstein’s father, Baron Frankenstein (and this time that’s his title, not his name- see how confusing this can be?) ordered every child in the land to attend his son’s birthday parties – and they did- but he could not force them to like his son.

You see, Li’l Baron Frankenstein was a total snot, a typical whiny rich brat who would never share his toys and, to be honest, smelled a lot like the pig sty. So one the one hand he was rich, but on the other hand he was selfish. On the one hand he had every toy in the world, on the other hand he had the hygiene of Balls Mahoney.

Unable to buy a friend, and with no other recourse, the snotty Baron pledged to build his very own best friend.

His very first attempt was a cross between a chicken and his nanny and it was an utter failure.

Upon hitting puberty, the young Baron was ready to make his second attempt- a cross between his new nanny and the busty chambermaid. This went nowhere but the Baron did entice them to pose for some interesting photographs.

Eventually, the friendless Baron grew and after his father died he became a friendless Baron. (See how silly that double-meaning name is? Grr.) He had no family, no wife, his dog ran away, etc etc etc. He soon realized that the only way for him to have a friend was to start off fresh with a clean slate. He spruced himself up, cleaned off that stench that clung to him, and opened wide his castle gates for the most lavish party anyone had ever seen, earning his the good graces of his countrymen forever.

Of course he didn’t, that would be stupid. He did the logical thing- he robbed some graves and stitched together several corpses to make a single male body more lithe and muscular than you’d expect from a totally heterosexual man.

Though I did point out that he was very lonely.

Well, after that it was the same old story. Man builds man out of dead men, living dead man rebuffs man’s advances, man sulks, living dead man moves out and into his own condo.

The moral of the story is that not only can you not buy love, you cannot build a living dead man out of the corpses of many dead men and expect it to like you.

So what happened to Baron Frankenstein?
The question is Imponderable.

HA HA, couldn’t help myself (a little inside joke there, click on the Imponderable link above, plug plug.)

Seriously, Baron Frankenstein one day did find love, albeit with a frog named Jessup who claimed to be an enchanted prince.

The undead creation of the Baron lives to this day, though he now goes by the name of Ben Bernanke.

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