Tag Archives: England

Another Example of Do-Nothing Government

23 May

May 23, 2013

What am I paying taxes for if not to get my local streets fixed and properly repaired? If I lived in England I would be very upset.

vor1

This is an egregious breach of the public trust. This could be bad- very bad. ANYTHING could come through that portal- Roman Centurions, anal-probing aliens from Betelgeuse, even an other-dimensional Kanye West where he is pregnant with Kim Kardashian’s baby. Frankly, I can’t have that.

And the snake? Is no one else concerned that it could be Jörmungandr, the Midgard Serpent of Norse mythology whose final battle with Thor will be fought at Ragnarök? This could be the end, ladies and gentlemen. You may be reading the last installment of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride and, indeed, everything else as well.

So I say goodbye, internet public. Goodbye world. So long to all that I have known. This vortex is going to be the end of us all.

And the local Brighton officials will have no one else to blame when the pregnant Kanye West comes after them.

 

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Imponderable #85: Milton Keynes England

15 Mar

March 15, 2013

Let’s jump right in, shall we? (“That’s what she said!”)

     iamgoingtomugonlyoldpeople                  

Perfect! I am only going to mug old and disabled people because it would be wrong to discriminate against them. I am going to mug only the homeless (though the point of that is beyond me) and when it comes to murder I will only attack female executives being kept down by the glass ceiling. Really, it is just fair.

(BTW- “Milton Keynes” is actually the name of a town. Don’t make the mistake I did of confusing it with the name of my dentist.)

Of course, and this should come as no surprise, the Mr. Grammar in me wonders why “madams” is in quotation marks. Is she not a madam? Does the word madam stand for something else? It isn’t like they danced around the word brothel.

But to get back to my crime spree, I think it only fair (and right!)  to steal the wallets of people in wheelchairs and to only hold ethnic minorities hostage. Plus, I promise to commit all of my crimes in the most environmentally friendly way possible. For example, I will only wear ski masks made of free-range wool when I rob banks. And my getaway car will be a Prius to cut down on my criminal carbon footprint. You see, I care. I really do.

And I will never rob a middle-aged white guy because that is a sure one-way ticket to jail.

So watch out, you mentally handicapped, physically disabled, senior citizen minority with a rare blood type, I am coming for you.

Is Becky Adams a legal savant?
The Question is Imponderable… until the British courts rule on this.

That's her.

That’s her.

The other question is, well, look at her face. You can figure it out.

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