Tag Archives: commercials

Allan Keyes Is Angry About Commercial Stupidity

18 Nov

November 18, 2013

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One of my favorite pastimes is going outside and yelling at the clouds. I mean look at them – acting all sexy and seductive, the teases! It’s enough to make me want to take a knife and slash slash slash…..but anyway, my court-appointed therapist informed me that that sort of behavior will be frowned upon by the judge. So as a sort of substitute, I watch TV and yell about the commercials instead. Here’s one that really grinds my gears:

“A HOTDOG MAKES ME LOSE CONTROL”

At first, this one really REALLY irritated me. I mean look – it assumes that a fairly attractive (in a severe way) wife is dumb enough to believe that her husband is openly flirting with the donut girl right in front of her. And that’s an annoying proposition – I HATE HATE HATE commercials that are stupid to the point of insulting. But the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I mean look, I can’t count how many times I’ve been out with the wife getting lunch (we like to eat) and I take one look at the sandwich artist girl (or guy) making my turkey club and just blurt out “DAMN! I LIKES ME SOME ‘O DAT ASS!” right in front of her.

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I mean, yeah it takes about 20 minutes to convince her that I mean pASStrami but still, I can relate.

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There is one other thing I want to mention – get a look at that “sausage” – it’s a split hotdog. If you find that kind of crap tasty, you deserve to be cursed with a wife who’ll throw down over a donut girl.

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Mr. Blog Asks: Are they that cheap that they couldn’t afford a round patty? 

On a related note, this comes up on youtube as the “STUPIDEST COMMERCIAL EVER”

Hard to disagree really.

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Allan Keyes Presents: Idiocy Both Accidental and Purposeful.

13 May

May 13, 2013

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As the pre-eminent internets recapper in my apartment, I’d be remiss if I didn’t make a post on the latest THING. The FAIL newsreader, AJ Clemente:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (In fact, that was my first draft of this post, just the word HA repeated 800 times)

It’s brilliant, especially at the 14 second mark where he realizes that he’s not only on the air, but will be off the air shortly.  There’s very little I can comment on this except to note that while he is a dummy and a dullard – did you hear the awful monotone he read the news in? It’s like having Droopy Dawg anchoring – he’s also a pretty cool guy about it all. His twitter post after the debacle said it all “That couldn’t have gone any worse.”  I mean good for him. He’ll need that good sense of humor while the world laughs at him, at least until Lindsay Lohan’s next meltdown.

So let’s move on from an accident to an absolute EPIC FAIL creative decision by Mountain Dew, in what has been quite accurately described as the most racist commercial ever:

(Please click as this will not embed.) http://pjmedia.com/eddriscoll/2013/05/02/banned-mountain-dew-ad/

Here’s a network news story about it:

I’m sorry, but even the hardest-core Klansman would see how wrong this is.  Battered women! Corrupt cops! Stereotype thugs! A talking…..goat? Erm – ok whatever. This one is a veritable carnival of awfulness that would even make Don Rickles speechless. On the other hand, I’m inclined to forgive them, since a soda as truly awful as Goat Piss Mountain Dew and the people who drink it deserve a truly awful commercial. If you drink Mountain Dew I’m NOT apologizing – some things just need to be said.  And it’s not like racist commercials haven’t made it through the cracks before – remember this one that we wrote about:

And McDonalds still hasn’t  recovered from THIS disaster of an ad campaign:

(see what I did there?)

But here’s the thing – a genuine dope like AJ Clemente gets fired, fired oh sooooo fired, all for the crime of making a mistake. What are the chances that the brain trust (yeah that phrase is hack, sue me) behind that commercial who willingly and knowingly signed off on that steaming pile of fecalus at MULTIPLE points get no repercussions whatsoever? Your career can end 5 seconds after it starts for something petty and spontaneous and stupid, but a truly massive eff up, nothing. Great times we live in.  If North Dakota can’t take a few unintended curses, too effing bad. It’s the same thing as everyone yelling about David “Big Papi” Ortiz saying “fuck” in front of kids last week. YOU KNOW WHAT OUR WALL TO WALL NEWS WAS A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO?  A DEAD 8-YR OLD AND PEOPLE WHO HAD THEIR LEGS BLOWN OFF BY A COUPLE OF CRETINS, THAT’S WHAT. I THINK THE KIDS AND THE GOOD PEOPLE OF BISMARK CAN HANDLE A CUSS OR TWO.

The idiocy is strong in this nation – except for Mr. BTR of course.

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