Tag Archives: coffee

Lying Awake With John Newly: Cavemen and Coffee

5 Jan

January 5, 2014

Announcer: And we’re back with more Lying Awake with John Newly!

That’s right, we’re back, and I urge all of my faithful listeners to call 1-888-555-FILK. If you want to project your astral self across the internet, they’ll teach you how to do it for only $49.99. I know a lot of the members of the Night Hoots forum have already done so; those are some fiercely loyal listeners.

Let’s get back to our discussion. We’re talking Sasquatch with Doctor Hiram Mears. Doctor, before the break, you were about to tell us what you learned on your recent trip to Seattle Washington. Did you drink a lot of coffee in Seattle?

-Well, no, not really. I was out in the woods and we didn’t want any unfamiliar scents to scare the Sasquatch.

You didn’t want to tip them off you were there?

-No, no. We wanted to see them in their natural environment.

I bet those creatures don’t drink much coffee!

-Umm, I’d suspect not.

Cryptozoology in action!

Cryptozoology in action!

So tell me, how do the Sasquatch live in the wild?

– The popular misconception about these creatures is that they live in caves when really there aren’t even any caves in the area I observed them in.

Wow, no caves. So they aren’t some species of prehistoric cavemen that somehow lived into the modern age?

-Oh no, no, in fact-

So no big wooden clubs for them, knocking each other over the head?

-Um, well, if you’re taking about tool use, then I’ve discovered evidence that Sasquatch is a rather advanced tool user.

We’re talking with Doctor Hiram Mears and Doctor, I’ve got this image in my head of a hairy Fred Flintstone. Is that accurate? But Fred was kind of short, wasn’t he? And Sasquatch is tall. Or is that Barney Rubble I’m thinking of?

-I can’t really say, I’m not big on cartoons.

Captain Caveman, that was another one. Do you think Captain Caveman was based on Sasquatch?

-Uh…

He had a club too as I recall. And he could fly. If Sasquatch can fly, that would clear up a lot of the mystery around him.

-Well… I guess, but he probably can’t. There’s no evidence that–

Wow, that’s fascinating. We’ll be back, right after these words.

 

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Chiller Theatre 4/27/2014: Give David Faustino A Coffee

28 Apr

April 28, 2014

Today was the Chiller Theatre convention and let’s get the burning question answered: Was Greg “The Hammer” Valentine drunk? I can’t give you a definitive answer, but here’s how I answered that question last year:

And now, I present Greg “The Hammered” Valentine, April 2014!

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

As in years past, some of the more interesting things in the convention are the times when the celebs are let loose and on their own, like anything having to do with Todd Bridges last year. This year’s person of interest was Bud Bundy, (not) better known as David Faustino. I have nothing against him, other than the fact that calling him a celebrity offends me. Ronald McDonald is more of a celebrity. Want proof? Which one hasn’t worked in 25 years (at least in nothing not in the bargain bin at your local gas station) and which one has been steadily employed and loved by millions of (overweight) kids? I rest my case. But other than that he seems like an OK guy. He was signing at the convention and didn’t seem too busy most of the time. But he had am amazing tan, and considering that this is April in the Northeast, that’s saying something.

At one point I was hanging around the snack counter. I had fifteen minutes to kill before my appointment to have a professional photo taken with Walter “Chekov from the Star Trek” Koenig, who was a last minute replacement for Abe Vigoda. (Abe had not died, only cancelled. I think his colonoscopy results came back today.) While I was there, David Faustino came out and went to the counter for coffee. He asked how much it was, the young semi-English speaking woman behind the counter told him $2, he paid, and got his coffee. After he walked off, the young woman started smiling and giggling, and went over to another semi-English speaking woman and said (in semi-English, which I will clean up) “do you know who that was?” the other woman said no, and the giggly one said “he’s on the TV late at night! When he was a kid! I can’t remember his name!”

Ah, fame.

But I was a little put out. As I said, he seems like a nice guy, but David Faustino was an advertised guest at the show. They couldn’t give him a free coffee? Cloris Leachman was there. I bet she got comped. I’d be surprised if Dominic Chianese got charged. But David Faustino? $2 for a cup of coffee which, by the way, he had to pour himself.

In other convention news, I met and took pictures with WWE Superstars The Godfather and Demolition, Jackie “The Jokeman” Martling, and Walter Koenig. Demolition were a pair of great guys, For some reason, we wanted to talk about their tag team championships while they wanted to talk about how crowded the place was yesterday. Go figure. And Jackie Martling was so gracious I almost felt bad saying “F Jackie” to him. (If you know Martling, you know that’s actually a compliment.

There was also a great display of famous monster props. Check them out below.

 Planet of the Apes

Creature from the Black Lagoon

Creature from the Black Lagoon

Monster Trio Monsters1

Phantom of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera

 

Werewolf of London- Henry Hull

Werewolf of London- Henry Hull