Tag Archives: ad

John Newly Is Shilling Some Stuff (Lying Awake #8)

10 Apr

April 10, 2015

ANNOUNCER: Lying Awake with John Newly will be back after these words from our sponsor

Hi, this is John Newly and I’m talking with my guest Kai Folger in what may or may not be a commercial since this spot is designed to mimic the sound and format of my talk show. Hmm, I may be violating some FCC rules here.  Kai, great to have you on.

-Hi John, always good to be here.

Now Kai, Carnischleppa has been called the miracle drug of the century. What is it?

– Carnischleppa is simply the world’s greatest plant extract. It’s a miracle cure for almost everything.

Kai, I have a list in front of me of literally tens of thousands of diseases your miracle Carnischleppa pills cure. I’m not allowed to read this on the air in America, but wow, the list is extensive. Is Carnischleppa really as good as you say it is?

– It is John.

Wow!

-There was a time when only the five richest kings of Europe could afford it. In fact, it was so scarce in America that the President had it personally airlifted to the White House by a crack team of commandos so he could try it.

That’s amazing!

– John, we guarantee that when you take Carnischleppa, you’ll get results. Now, I can’t guarantee what those results will be, but you will have results. Guaranteed!

Kai, before I end this hard hitting interview, tell my listeners how to get a free sample of Carnischleppa, the amazing miracle cure that I’ve extensively researched by reading the bogus claims on your website.

-Sure John. You can get your totally free sample of Carnischleppa by sending only $75 to cover postage and handling to Carnischleppa, Los Burritos California, OU812.

That’s a fantastic offer, but my listeners are very hard to convince. I understand you have a special offer tonight just for Lying Awake listeners.

-I do John. For tonight only, your listeners can get a second bottle of Carnischleppa miracle cure pills for only an additional $15, plus another $75 postage and handling.

You heard it here folks! Get your free bottle of Carnischleppa today. Thanks again to my guest, Kai Folger. Kai, I can’t wait to have you on again.

– Thank you John.

miracledietpillforentrepreneurs

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The Saturday Comics: Monkeys in the Mail

2 Feb

February 2, 2015

cropped-sat-com-logo.jpg

Here’s a classic comic book ad I came across recently. Trust me, you’ll love it.

tiny dog ad

 

Of course, there is clearly a scam going on here. They are pretty desperate to get those snapshots, and not just for the “forty-nine cents and a few cents for our c.o.d. service plus postage.” And notice that the studio in the separate ad on the bottom of the page has virtually the same address as the main ad. So I can’t pin it down, but my Spidey-sense is definitely tingling.

Spidey-Monkey Sense

But this ad has maybe the best offer I ever saw. Better than Sea-Monkeys, better than x-ray specs, this is a real, live, miniature dog, the same kind Paris Hilton and the rest of the Hollywood airhead-types carry around in their purses. (BTW- think those dogs poop in there?) Or, and this is even better, A MONKEY! THROUGH THE MAIL! “Healthy and very intelligent.”

I said before this is a scam, and I can’t believe they’d send living critters in the mail “ENTIRELY AT MY EXPENSE,” and no, it isn’t clear who “MY” refers to.

But oh, to live in a world where young boys can get free monkeys in the mail! I can’t believe that every kid in America didn’t send in a coupon and break the world monkey market in the process.

 

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