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Fun With Teh Internets: Google Analytics

20 Aug

August 20, 2012

Hi everyone! I’m still on vacation; it’s going great thanks for asking! Well, it’s going great for me anyway. Not so much for those poor Sherpas, but hey – they knew the risks.

In the meantime, I understand Mr. B is scraping the bottom of the barrel and reprinting some of my earlier works. My agent should know better than to allow that! She knows my archives are coming out in book form soon enough! Kill Whitey: The Collected Works of Allen Keyes will be available next month from Do-It-Yourself Press (an imprint of U-Pay-For-It Books). So in an attempt to keep him from violating my copyright further, here’s something to tide you all over until I return.

Transparency is the new buzzword nowadays. So in an effort to be transparent, I thought I’d share with you all some of the Google analytics we regularly run on this blog. This is real behind-the-scenes stuff everyone. We’re through the looking glass people! Let’s check this stuff out and see what makes Mr. BTR tick….

KEYWORD SEARCHES:

Below are the top 5 search requests that have been driving traffic to the site in the past year:         Note to my legions of enemies: I’M STILL ALIVE AND KICKING BEEOTCHES! You thought you cut the brakes to my car, but it wasn’t mine! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re gonna have to raise your game to take me down chumps! But I’m not worried. Trump failed, what can the rest of you do?

TRAFFIC SOURCES:

These are the most common sites that people come to us from. They visit these sites before coming to our little corner of the net: 

Wow, we have a real highbrow bunch here. I mean jeeze guys. What is wrong with you? Harvard Divinity School? This is a family site, we don’t want any of that kind of stuff here. Bruce Villanch is diesel, just try and tell me he isn’t.

COUNTRIES VISITING US: 

MBTR seems to have a global reach. Heck, it’s extra-global! For our North Korean friends I’d like to say: 퇴폐 서쪽을 지배할 것 이다!  For our friends in Monaco I’d like to say:  Look guys, I apologize for that little incident in the casino last year. It wasn’t really me, it was the Drambuie talking.  I’ll pay back that baccarat marker in no time.

LANDING PAGES:

The most popular individual pages on the site: Ah yes, I remember that column quite well. I put my heart and soul into writing it. I really dug deep and wrote from the heart to explain myself and what I was feeling and my motivations. Reviewing the Death of Sad Sack was quite possibly the best writing I’ve done over my 32 year career….

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For more in depth stats, check this out and find out who really reads Mr. Blog.

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This Is Where I Live (1)

14 Aug

August 14, 2012

As backwards as this will sound, I interrupt the summer series of Tuesday reruns to post a new blog. This is the first of a trio of blogs that describe the typically atypical things that I have experienced recently right here in my own neighborhood. Today, Dyker Heights.

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Just last week, Saarah and I (and don’t all these stories involve her? She’s the best) decided to go out for ices. It was around 10:00 on a weeknight. Now where I live, there are plenty of places to go for ices, from pizzerias to bakeries, but we wanted to go a store that specialized in ices and had a great selection of flavors.

We had been there before. The last time there were three girls in small shop, all around 18 or so, and while we were getting our ices Saarah and I got to listen to their amazing discussion, mostly about one of them who lives almost in another borough and commutes by public transportation to work in the ices shop. Why did she come so far to work for minimum wage in a seasonal job? That was never explained and before I got a chance to get all nosey and ask they gave us our ices and we left.

The place is on the edge of a residential area on a major street so it was pretty quiet that night. We parked about two blocks away and, bearing in mind that I had just torn a muscle in my leg a couple of days earlier, we had a very slow walk to the shop. But we were making our way there when we saw some flashing lights down the street and heard some recorded announcement that we couldn’t really make out.

I turned back to look and it seemed to me that maybe it was some election and the announcement was screaming to vote for someone or other in whatever local election was soon to come.

That wasn’t it. As the vehicles drew closer, we saw that the lights and sound were coming from a police car. There was some sort of large truck immediately behind it. And the announcement?

“The City of New York is spraying pesticides to kill mosquitoes to stop the spread of West Nile Virus. Get inside IMMEDIATELY.”

Saarah looked at me.
I looked at her.
We looked at the approaching truck.
We looked around at all the private homes with their locked doors and no lights and no place we could possibly get inside.

Then the truck came and sprayed a huge and smelly cloud of pesticides in the air not six feet above our heads.

What could we do? We resumed walking to the ices shop, convinced that we were dosed with a fatal amount of pesticides. Saarah has stopped eating McDonald’s French fries because of the pesticides they use on the potatoes, so the irony is obvious.

She immediately got a headache.

Thanks to the City of New York, who gave us about 30 seconds warning to get to cover, I may now have an army of poisonous chemicals working its way through my system.

But on the plus side, I do not have West Nile Virus.

30 seconds. Didn’t the British get more warning during the Blitz when an air raid was on the way?

Thanks New York.

Luckily, Vulcans are immune to both Terran pesticides and West Nile Virus.

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