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Stupid Watch To Make Life Worth Living (An Allan Keyes Tech Review)

9 Sep

September 9, 2013

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Hot tech news – the Smart Watch is upon us!!!

http://www.cnbc.com/id/101002543

“Samsung seeks ‘iPod moment’ with smartwatch launch”

Not quite an IPod moment is on tap…..more like an Apple Newton moment. In case you didn’t know, the Newton was one of Apple’s biggest flops.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newton_(platform)

This is an alleged image of the soon to be unveiled watch:

          new one             

HAHAHAHAHA…..fail.  I looks like those binders Luke put on Chewbacca when they wanted to infiltrate the Death Star:

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When it comes to this watch, I’m not even going to bust out the Dick Tracy references, I’ll leave that to others.  But can you imagine – there’s always that one guy who just HAS to be at the cutting edge of all new tech, so you can bank on there being one schmuck who’ll be running around wearing both Google Glasses and this stupid watch at the same time. In a related story, there’s always that one guy gets robbed of his tech very early on and endlessly cries about it.

Anyway, back to this watch, which I predict will be such a fail it is pulled off the mass market after 3 months and relegated to Sharper Image catalogues – it has some features which will include some sort of blue tooth ripoff so you can pair it with your smartphone.

Personally, it sounds about as utilitarian as this:

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without the shoephone’s benefit of hiding it’s enduring ugliness where nobody can see it.

Actually, I cracked wise too soon about Sharper Image – they have some fine watches that seem to be great alternatives to this impending piece of failtech Samsung is about to unleash on us. For example:

This watch has Bluetooth and caller id.

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This watch looks futuristic cool

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This watch finds fish…..somehow

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Now once again, for reference, compare those watches…..to this:

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Yeah, I’m running out to buy THAT.

In the meantime, here’s some rare pics of a super secret project that Samsung is working on to capture the NEXT ipod moment. It’s tentatively called the Lobe-Bot  (see what I did there?) 

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  And I’d still wear all of this before I wore that “smart watch”

 

 

 

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Writer’s Block #4 / I AM THUNDARR!

29 Aug

August 29, 2013

Damn you Allan Keyes! You screwed me again! I ask you, Dear Reader, was there a new Fun With Teh Internets this week? No there was not. And in the Sneak Peek of the Week I promised he’d be back. Damn you Allan Keyes! and worse, I don’t know what to write. So it is back to the list of for-real, real deal, strange but true writing prompts used by schools around the country.  

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line. (NYU, 2009)

The year: 2050. From out of space comes a runaway planet, hurtling between the Earth and the Moon, unleashing cosmic destruction! Man’s civilization is cast in ruin! Two thousand years later, Earth is reborn. A strange new world rises from the old: a world of savagery, super science and sorcery. But one man bursts his bonds to fight for justice! With his companions Ookla the Mok and Princess Ariel, he pits his strength, his courage, and his fabulous Sunsword against the forces of evil. He is Thundarr, the Barbarian!

Yes! I AM THUNDARR THE BARBARIAN! And before you call shenanigans, I must point out that this movie will be made in the future, in 2050. Who are you to say that this will not happen? By 2050, Thundarr the Barbarian will be a historical documentary. And I WILL BE THUNDARR!

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