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SQUEEE! New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys to Tour Together!

12 Nov

November 12, 2010

OMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD! IT! IS! HAPPENING! The New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys are going to tour together! SQUEEEE!

This goes in my glitter-covered scrapbook!

Jeez. This is like the coming together of some kind of pop-culture nexus that is going to attract a lot of divorced 30-40 year old housewives, and that can’t be good. Thank God N-SYNC isn’t a part of this or the world might collapse into a bad music black hole.

OK, look, these “kids” and “boys” are all older than 30 and three of them are over 40. To put that in perspective, the Simpsons has been on the air for 22 years, and Gunsmoke, the former longest running show, was on the air for 20 years, so Marshall Matt Dillon (James Arness, who died in 1994) and Monty Burns have more right to be called “kids” and “boys” than these geriatric adolescents.

To tell the truth, I always thought these bands were all just the same guys over and over anyway. It seems like they just cloned some random kid with goofy a hair style and funny facial hair to fill out all those boy bands. Now they all have thinning hair and worry about their prostates.

If you are like me, this news doesn’t come as a shock. In fact, it doesn’t come as anything at all since I didn’t care back when they were big and I don’t care now that some of them are working in a car wash. Were Led Zeppelin touring with AC/DC I’d care. I’d care so much that, the Hell with writing this blog, I’m standing on line for tickets three weeks early.

I was however, curious about Kevin Richardson, whom the article pointedly says won’t be part of the tour. I looked him up on Wikipedia (their motto- “Sometimes we get one right.”) and found this in the entry:

In June 2006, Richardson left the Backstreet Boys to pursue other interests and “move on with the next chapter of [his] life.”

The group has not ruled out a return for the singer.

I’m guessing it has now been ruled out.

My Review of The New Cast of Dancing With The “Stars” September 2010. Ugh.

31 Aug

August 31, 2010

The new cast of Dancing with the Stars has been revealed and once again, ABC stretches the definition of “star” to the breaking point. If you thought last season “starKate Gosselin was bad, this season’s “stars” will make her look like, well, still like Kate Gosselin.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino (Jersey Shore)
Does this guy have a head? I don’t know. In every shot he is pointing to his abs, which I must admit have a higher IQ than Snooki. Can we drop him into Afghanistan and stand him the same pose, showing the Taliban where to shoot?

Bristol Palin (Daughter Of Sarah Palin)
She is a star because she is an unwed pregnant teenage mom engaged to a total jerk. Were she not Sarah Palin’s daughter she’s be on the next Maury.

David Hasselhoff (Baywatch)
Hofftastic! The Hoff will Hoffer Dancing with the Hoffs his Hoffmazing skills on the Hoffloor. His Hofferific Hoffs Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff Hoff.

OK, that's Chris Farley. But you seen Haselhoff lately?

Brandy (Singer)
Someone keep the brandy away from Hasselhoff! Oh, she’s a singer? Never mind.

Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing)
From imdb:
“The New Adventures of Old Christine” …. Tracey (1 episode, 2009)
– Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Crazy (2009) TV episode …. Tracey
“Phineas and Ferb” …. Dr. Gevaarlijk / … (3 episodes, 2008-2009)
– Phineas and Ferb’s Quantum Boogaloo (2009) TV episode (voice) …. Librarian
– Hide and Seek/That Sinking Feeling (2009) TV episode (voice) …. Louisa Patel
– The Monster of Phineas-n-Ferbenstein/Oil on Candace (2008) TV episode (voice) …. Dr. Gevaarlijk
Keith (2008/I) …. Caroline
Redbelt (2008) …. Lucy Weiss

Yeah, she has time to do this show.

Michael Bolton (Singer)
As long as he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t sing we can all get through this.

Kurt Warner (Former NFL Player)
Rick Fox (Former NBA Player)
Athletes usually do well on this show. Kurt is a two time MVP and a Super Bowl MVP. Rick played on three NBA championship teams.

Make your own jokes, I’ve got nothing.

Florence Henderson (The Brady Bunch)

Margaret Cho (Comedian)
Margaret once had a television show called “All-American Girl.” I found this tidbit online, showing just how stupid network TV is:

“The show suffered criticism from within the U.S. East Asian community over its perception of stereotyping. Producers told Cho at different times during production both that she was “too Asian” and that she was “not Asian enough.” At one point during the course of the show, producers hired a coach to teach Cho how to “be more Asian.”

Kyle Massey (Rapper)
Kyle is 19 and works for the Disney channel. So in other words, expect to see him any number of shows, movies, and concerts churned out from the Disney boot camp. Remember- there was a time we hadn’t heard of Hannah Montana either.

Audrina Patridge (The Hills)
I don’t know what “The Hills” may be, but perhaps this picture will give some clue:

The Hills!

The 2010 cast gives you pause to reflect. Who could possibly make the 2011 cast? My money is on Ronald McDonald, your paperboy, and Mr. Blog.