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Imponderable #67: Georgia

2 Nov

November 2, 2012



WOODSTOCK, Ga. — A family in Woodstock, who just lost their home of 20 years to foreclosure and are preparing to move out, lost even more on Wednesday, and it was all because they inadvertently triggered what they now call “mayhem” when they posted a Craigslist ad Tuesday night.

Their online post was just a well-meaning ad for a giveaway of furniture and other household items in their driveway outside the small house, a giveaway scheduled to begin at 10 a.m. Wednesday.

But big crowds showed up early, while the family was out, breaking into the house and taking practically everything inside, in part because the way that the Craigslist ad was written gave them the idea that everything on the property was up for grabs. “Well, when we got to the house, I mean, pretty much — this,” he said as he stepped from the foyer into the living room. Their home — ransacked, ravaged, raked over. Almost everything inside — gone. “They came in and just tore the place up,” he said.

People who responded to the family’s Craigslist ad showed up at the house earlier than 10 a.m., before Vercher arrived there from work to supervise the giveaway. And when he drove up to the house, he said, they had already broken into it, helping themselves to almost everything inside. “Everyone was inside the house; they were taking out items,” he said. “There were cars around the block. It was like ants in and out of the house.”

Lamanac said she and Vercher’s mother arrived at the house about the same time Vercher did, thinking they were there in plenty of time to help distribute the items outside that they’d intended to give to the people who showed up. “When we got here, me and his mom jumped out of the car and said, ‘This is our stuff, don’t take anything,’ I mean, ‘If you have something, put it back,'” Lamanac said. “And this one woman actually, like, got in our faces and stuff, and started saying no, and everybody else just kind of drifted by us and didn’t listen and took the stuff and left.” “The front door was wide open and people were coming in and out with our things,” Hobbs said. “It was mayhem.”

They immediately called 911, while telling people to get out of the house and stop taking belongings from inside the house. “And a lady had her truck loaded with my grandma’s sewing machine,” Hobbs said. “And she wouldn’t give it to me. So I had to call police and they got my grandma’s sewing machine back.” That was one of the few items the family recovered, but the crowd had moved through the house quickly and most were gone quickly.

Here is the online ad that the family placed Tuesday night:

Fairly large, free yard sale. Moving and we want everything to go for free. So come over and take whatever you want and how much you want. Here are a couple of items that will be there: Couch, chairs, lots of household and kitchen items, appliances, a wardrobe, desk, recliner, movies, lots of books, lamps, women’s and teens’ clothing, etc. And also a box of free food with lots of cans. Please take only if you need it. We’re starting at 10 a.m., October 24th, and we’ll finish when everything’s gone.

Vercher said he now understands why people misunderstood the family’s ad to mean that they were giving away everything, inside and outside the house, because of the way they worded it.

Well hey, how could anyone possibly misinterpret that? After all, it only says “Moving and we want everything to go for free. So come over and take whatever you want and how much you want.” And right before that, the words “free yard sale.” OK, so technically most of the stuff was not in the yard, but seriously, what did these Southern schnooks expect? Craigslist is nothing but a place for thugs to plan their next invasion.

Yes, yes, I hear you yelling that “these are kind and generous people. Give them a break!”

No.

Kind and generous people they may be, but they are dumb as the grit between their toes. I am all for helping friends and neighbors (and I speak as one who is helping in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy) but this is not how you do it! I am in no way at all absolving or making excuses for the lowlife looters who stole every toothpick from their home (and why would anyone want strangers personal pictures anyway?) but again, what did these folks expect?

Well, the bottom line is that nothing good comes from Craigslist. I could go on and on about the type of people who troll Craigslist for open houses, parties, etc, but I think the article sums it up best. Everything that could be taken from the house was taken from the house…”everything but a few of their books, which were left scattered across the carpet.”

Let’s just say they are not big readers.

Why would anyone post an ad on Craigslist for a free giveaway?
The question is Imponderable.

My Memories of Frankenstein

1 Nov

November 1, 2012

My Memories of Frankenstein

Baron Frankenstein was a lonely boy. Part of the problem was due to his name. Many people think his first name was something normal, like Victor or Fritz, or Flo Rida, but they are wrong. Baron Frankenstein’s first name was actually Baron. (Therefore, when he grew up and inherited his title, he became Baron Baron Frankenstein. Think of it this way: it is as if Queen Elizabeth named her son Prince instead of Meathead.)  Think this is too farfetched? Think again. None other than 21st Century carnival barker Donald Trump named his son Baron. Tru dat. Look it up.

Li’l Baron (Barry for short) Frankenstein had no friends. You’d think being rich and having every toy in the Barony would be enough to ensure friends, but no, it was not. Baron Frankenstein’s father, Baron Frankenstein (and this time that’s his title, not his name- see how confusing this can be?) ordered every child in the land to attend his son’s birthday parties – and they did- but he could not force them to like his son.

You see, Li’l Baron Frankenstein was a total snot, a typical whiny rich brat who would never share his toys and, to be honest, smelled a lot like the pig sty. So one the one hand he was rich, but on the other hand he was selfish. On the one hand he had every toy in the world, on the other hand he had the hygiene of Balls Mahoney.

Unable to buy a friend, and with no other recourse, the snotty Baron pledged to build his very own best friend.

His very first attempt was a cross between a chicken and his nanny and it was an utter failure.

Upon hitting puberty, the young Baron was ready to make his second attempt- a cross between his new nanny and the busty chambermaid. This went nowhere but the Baron did entice them to pose for some interesting photographs.

Eventually, the friendless Baron grew and after his father died he became a friendless Baron. (See how silly that double-meaning name is? Grr.) He had no family, no wife, his dog ran away, etc etc etc. He soon realized that the only way for him to have a friend was to start off fresh with a clean slate. He spruced himself up, cleaned off that stench that clung to him, and opened wide his castle gates for the most lavish party anyone had ever seen, earning his the good graces of his countrymen forever.

Of course he didn’t, that would be stupid. He did the logical thing- he robbed some graves and stitched together several corpses to make a single male body more lithe and muscular than you’d expect from a totally heterosexual man.

Though I did point out that he was very lonely.

Well, after that it was the same old story. Man builds man out of dead men, living dead man rebuffs man’s advances, man sulks, living dead man moves out and into his own condo.

The moral of the story is that not only can you not buy love, you cannot build a living dead man out of the corpses of many dead man and expect it to like you.

So what happened to Baron Frankenstein?
The question is Imponderable.

HA HA, couldn’t help myself (a little inside joke there, click on the Imponderable link above, plug plug.)

Seriously, Baron Frankenstein one day did find love, albeit with a frog named Jessup who claimed to be an enchanted prince.

The undead creation of the Baron lives to this day, though he now goes by the name of Ben Bernanke.