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American Chopper: Odie and the Ugly ATV

15 Dec

December 15, 2010

Well, we all saw it. We all knew it was coming. They tried to warn us.

Vinnie said he’d never have picked those colors.
Nub hated the colors.
Even Mikey wondered why Odie didn’t talk to people who knew colors.

But Paulie left Odie in charge of the project so neon yellow and orange it was.

Odie is a mush-mouthed kid. I felt a bit sorry for him when Nub said “he’s a good kid but a bit on the simple side.” On the other hand, Odie showed himself to be afraid to talk to people on the phone and to be a jerk under pressure. While I can’t believe Paulie didn’t have Vinnie supervise him, I also can’t believe that everyone was so willing to sit back and let him (and by extension, Paulie,) fail. Vinnie just sat back and watched. Why he didn’t jump in and tell Odie to rethink some things, or even give advice, is beyond me.

The bike is so ugly it is hard to find pictures online. I think Blingstar is trying to hide it. This is the first teaser I found:

There are also no pictures at all of Odie. In the picture above, he is the guy in the helmet in the background. If I got the ATV stuck in the mud on the unveil I wouldn’t show my face either. BTW- notice the date in the picture. They moved it up a month without notice. I think even TLC is ashamed of the quad.

Anyway, here are the pictures. I found them on the PJD Facebook site. Look at them and weep.

During the unveil, not only did Odie get it covered with mud, which was to be expected, but he also cracked and chipped the plastic cover. Nice going kid.

In other OCC news, Paul Sr.’s dog needs to have his leg amputated. As the most likeable member of the show, I feel sorry. Senior broke down and sobbed, which is more emotion than he ever showed toward any member of his family.

And Mikey wants his father to get counseling.

And it continues.

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“Sometimes, dead is better.” – Pet Sematary

9 Dec
December 9, 2010

“I showed him how God wanted him to have a swell time while he was alive. Because, brothers and sisters, when you is gone, you is gone. And ain’t no way , no how, nobody’s going to bring you back here once you is dead!”- Love at First Bite

Ever see Love at First Bite? Great film, really, a great film. It stars George Hamilton as a very tan Count Dracula who relocates from Transylvania to New York in the 1970’s and hits the disco scene. In my opinion it is George Hamilton’s greatest film, but that isn’t saying much. (It is, however, more than a bit funnier than Godfather III.) Leslie Nielsen took a stab at Dracula, so to speak, in Dracula: Dead and Loving It but no offense, the Hamilton film is funnier. (“Children of the night, shut up!”)

Dracula is so iconic a character that he may never die. He may have been plugged by hundreds of wooden stakes, but plug “Dracula” into imdb.com and you get nineteen exact matches, not counting partial matches and all the films in which the Count is not in the title. The actors who played Dracula have not fared as well, Bela Lugosi, John Carradine, Leslie Nielsen, and many more, are all gone. Luckily, Christopher Lee is still alive and acting, but there will never again be another film starring Lon Chaney Jr., not to mention John Wayne, Marlon Brando, or even Elvis. And for those of us who saw him in A Change of Habit, that’s a loss to comedy. I will now quote myself:

Elvis once said “Only the only thing worse than watching a bad movie is being in one.” And he should know.

In “Change of Habit,” 1969, he starred as “Dr. Edward Pelvis,” a hip psychotherapist simultaneously wooing a nun played totally unconvincingly by Mary Tyler Moore and curing a young autistic girl by slapping her around. Yes, by slapping her around. There are plenty of scenes of Moore and her hip nun friends getting involved in civic events, scenes of Pelvis and Moore picnicking, and plenty of scenes of Pelvis slapping the poor autistic girl while saying “I love you.” Slap! “I love you.” Slap! I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP! SEE FOR YOURSELF!

TRIVIA: This is the only feature film starring Elvis Presley which wasn’t released theatrically in Finland. Those Fins, always getting left out. Did you know that only last week they found out that Rosebud was Citizen Kane’s sled?

Abbott and Costello will never update “Who’s on First?” for free-agency, Al Jolsen will never sing Public Enemy’s “911 is a Joke,” and Theda Bara will never get her own sitcom.

“I showed him how God wanted him to have a swell time while he was alive. Because, brothers and sisters, when you is gone, you is gone. And ain’t no way , no how, nobody’s going to bring you back here once you is dead!”

Oh really?

You can't make this stuff up.

What is he thinking? Who does he think he is? Sure, he gave us Darth Vader, but he also gave us Howard the Duck. He may have created the Empire, but he is also responsible for Howard the Duck. THX sound technology is his, but so is Howard the Duck. He also produced Howard the Duck.

So now we may all get the chance to see Charlton Heston dance to “Poker Face.

Think about it. Christopher Reeve may fly again as Superman. Or he may show up in a Willow sequel. Really, this is all up to George Lucas and his wild and wacky imagination.

Of course, odds are he’ll show up as a Jedi first in a bad Star Wars film.
Sir John Gielgud will appear in an episode of Tyler Perry’s House of Payne.
John Cazale in Weekend at Bernie’s IV.
Ricky Ricardo and Margaret Dumont in a remake of West Side Story.

There is really only one winner in all of this, a group, actually. Guys like Rich Little, Fred Travalena, people who do impressions, because Lucas may have the images but he needs someone to voice them.

What, you say that Fred Travalena died in 2009? Then I’ve got to go. I need to brush up on my Travalena impression for when George Lucas brings him back for the New Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.

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