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A Very Special Episode of March Madness!

4 Mar

March 4, 2014

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I am informed by sports fans that this time of year is something called “March Madness” which I assume is some form of group-bloc mental illness. Anyway, because I’m nothing if not a hack, I’m going to do a series of “bracket” themed columns. But because I am a strange, sad man I will do it based on “very special episodes” of our favorite sitcoms. You know what “very special episodes” are – when sitcoms take a break from canned laughter and silly situations (Look! Beaver is stuck on top of a billboard!) to try to teach us all about the dangers of drugs or child molestation…..and maybe win an Emmy in the process. Bless their shameless, transparent manipulative little hearts!

Anyway, in order to spare you reading (and me writing) endless columns of the full field of 64, I have whittled the field down to 16.  These elite teams have been selected by Computron 6000 based on strict criteria, including which ones fouled out my wife the most. In order to determine the winners, each round will be simulated 364 times in order to ensure a fair and accurate result. Or will be selected of an elite committee including myself, Mr. B and that monkey who picks Super Bowl winners by flinging poo at helmets.

Below are the randomly chosen brackets:

                       Bracket 1Gordon Jump Molests Arnold and Dudley vs. Theo Huxtable Battles Teh Dyslexia vs. Mr. Belvedere Tackles AIDS….Badly vs. Beaver Cleaver Enables an Alcoholic

Bracket 2

Edith Bunker: Victim of Home Invasion vs. Bobby Feigns Illness to Meet Joe Willie vs. The Taking of Lil Sam Drummond vs. Punky Brewster Fridge Asphyxiation Scare

Bracket 3

Monroe Ficus……Raped?!?!?! vs. Maude…..Needs an Abortion?!?!! vs. Tom Hanks Gets Drunk… on Vanilla???!? vs. This Girl Was Actually Attacked??!?!

Bracket 4

Urkel Tackles Gun Control vs. Arnold in Trouble….Again  (*SIGH*) vs. Carlton Takes “Speed” vs. Wesley Encounters Bad Touch

Breaking down the field:  We have an incredibly strong field this year, which is arguably the strongest field in the history of this tournament, which is in its first year.

The “Edna’s Edibles” bracket looks to be the strongest of all this year – all four of them can reasonably lay claim to the title.

For sheer odds, Diff’rent Strokes has to be considered the favorite to take it all this year, with three entrants among the top 16.  Mr. Belvedere, with two strong entries, also has great odds.

This field doesn’t lack for star power either, as Family Ties and The Brady Bunch both sport A-list guests.

Tournament favorite:  Diff’rent Strokes.  Arnold and Dudley getting molested is an American classic.

Tournament Long Shot: Leave it to Beaver.   It’s going to have to overcome a significant generation gap in order to prevail.

Next:  “Whatchoo Talkin’ “Bout Bracket” results

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The Saturday Comics: Gotham City Uncensored

26 Feb

February 26, 2014

Saturday Comics on a Wednesday?  Why not? After all, new comics don’t come out on Saturday either.

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The Brave and the Bold 197 (1983), written by Alan Brennert, is one of my favorite Batman comics. With all of the changes in DC continuity over the last few years (OK, decades) this story is way, way out of continuity, but at one time it filled in an important part of DCU history. This is a tale of the Earth 2 Batman. Earth 2 was once the home of the Justice Society, as well as older versions of Batman and Superman. This was also the exclusive home of Huntress and Power Girl. This story tells of an older Batman, nearing retirement, and how he fell in love with and married Selina Kyle, Catwoman. The story is so good it was even reprinted in a volume of the Greatest Batman Stories Ever Told. Regardless of whether or not it fits into the current New 52 era, this issue is great reading and worth if for the Joe Staton art. For some reason it has been going up in value. You can’t find an issue on eBay for less than $10. But if you are a comics or Batman fan, this issue is worth it.

If you prefer, for just a little more, you can get the hardcover collection that contains this story and a few more, but be warned, you’ll be missing out, since there is a very slight (but interesting) change to the artwork.

Joe Staton inserted a joke into the splash page. He never expected it to get printed. He fully expected the editor to catch it, have a laugh, and take it out. But it somehow made it into print.

This scan is from my own copy.

This scan is from my own copy.

See it? Staton put in a pedophile joke, right there on the shoebox.

I don’t see how the editor missed it. I’ve had this issue for years and I spotted it long ago. But I never knew the story behind it before and luckily, Comic Book Resources already got to the bottom of it. Via CBR, here is the explanation from Joe Staton himself:

Actually I think the label was more “PED-ophile”.  Commission Gordon was holding a shoe box and at the time I thought is was funny that you might see “pedophile”  as meaning “foot lover,” not a good pun, but not such a bad name for a shoe company.

Anyway, I put it in, but back then, DC had a pretty tight editorial process so stupid jokes and personal bits were normally caught and properly disposed of.  Unfortunately, not in this case.  My stupid joke was actually inked and even printed.  Most people seemed not have even noticed it, but it looked tacky.

Later when editor Mark Waid told me that the story was going to be in a collection, I asked him to erase the label and he was happy to do so.  It was my stupid joke and I’m very grateful to Mark for letting me set it right, especially since this was one of my best jobs, on one of the very best scripts that ever came to me, with one of the very best inking jobs I ever got.

Thanks for letting me clear that up.

Mystery solved!

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