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It’s A Snuff Film!

20 May

May 20, 2016

This idea originated with my friend Marc and I way, way back. That’s why Chris Farley, who died almost 20 years ago, is in it. 

Interviewer Chop Hallipop: A typical Hollywood lightweight with a toothy grin.
Director Pierre D. Brody: First-time director, slightly pompous
Chris Farley: Rotund, stoned actor
David Hasslehoff (wearing Baywatch shorts and Knight Rider jacket): Pretty much himself

UNSEEN Dame Judi Dench
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VOICE OVER: Welcome to Movie News Now! Tonight, Lola O’Neil looks behind the scenes of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie and gets some makeup tips from Leonardo. Flem Mercer is in the studio with part two of his interview with screen legend Jake Lloyd. But first, here’s Chop Hallipop sitting down with the stars and director of Killing Judi Dench, the controversial new film by Director Pierre D. Brody. Take it away Chop!

CHOP HALLIPOP: Thanks voice over! Ha ha! You’re great! (Looks into camera) Hi everyone, I’m Chop Hallipop. (Smiles) All of Hollywood is talking about the upcoming film Killing Judi Dench. We’ve got the inside scoop with the cast and director, right here in our Movie News Now! studio. Pierre D. Brody, you’re the director, producer, and writer. Is it true that this is a snuff film?

PIERRE D. BRODY: That’s right Chop. It’s a return to the good old days of filmmaking.

CHOP: For those of us who aren’t familiar, can you tell us what exactly a snuff film is?

PIERRE: Sure, Chop. A snuff film is actually a reality film, not unlike Big Brother or The Bachelor. In it, an actor gets murdered right on screen. We actually filmed the real murder of one of our cast!

CHOP: Wow, they never did that on The Bachelor!

PIERRE: I assure you, no one else would have the guts.

CHOP: (Looking at the camera, flashing his big toothy grin) One of the big mysteries surrounding this film is who actually gets killed. Pierre D. Brody, can you give us a scoop?

PIERRE: Sorry Chop, ha ha, I can’t give that away. You’ll just have to buy a ticket.

CHOP: Killing Judi Dench has a stellar, some would say killer, heh heh, cast, including Chris Farley, David Hasslehoff, and of course Dame Judi Dench. We have two of the stars right here with me on set. Chris, David, welcome to Movie News Now!

hoff

DAVID HASSLEHOFF: Thanks Chet.

CHRIS FARLEY: It’s a snuff film!

CHOP: I understand Judi Dench couldn’t be here tonight.

PIERRE: That’s right Chop. She has a prior commitment back in England and unfortunately won’t be joining us on this press tour. But she asked me to say how proud she was to be part of this production.

CHOP: David, let’s start with you. What attracted you to this film?

DAVID: Well Chet-

CHOP: Chop

DAVID: Chet, I was looking to do something I hadn’t done before. I wanted to stretch as an actor. And an onscreen real murder was too good to pass up.

CHOP: But weren’t you worried that you might end up getting killed? After all, Pierre wouldn’t reveal the victim to you until filming began.

CHRIS: It’s a snuff film!!!!!!

DAVID: Murder is something you always worry about as an actor.

PIERRE: I think that the fear of death is a powerful motivator, and it really came through onscreen. I have to give special credit to Judi. Her fear, her terror was palpable, right up till the end.

CHOP: I have to ask you again, who gets killed? Who is the victim of this snuff film?

PIERRE: I can only say that the audience won’t be disappointed.

CHOP: (Looking at the camera) Chris Farley, David Hasslehoff, and Dame Judi Dench star in Killing Judi Dench. I’d like to thank Director Pierre D. Brody, Chris Farley and David Hasslehoff for being here with me tonight. Find out who gets killed when Killing Judi Dench opens on June 18th.

 

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