Archive | June, 2011

They’ve Netflixed Me Again!

2 Jun

June 2, 2011

Awhile back I wrote about the weird suggestions Netflix was giving me, like watching The Larry Sanders Show because I enjoyed Pulp Fiction. I figured that there had to be some logic behind the lunacy and finally realized the connection- Larry Sanders and Pulp Fiction each featured cheese as a significant plot point.

Well, no, they didn’t, but that makes about as much sense as anything else.

With that in mind, and with just a hint of trepidation, I went back to see what Netflix might think I’d enjoy now that I’ve watched more movies and rated some more films. Here is what I got.


The thing to bear in mind is that I wasn’t even searching for Dinosaurs. That came up in a list of films that I might enjoy. Why? I don’t know. This was even before I rated Jurassic Park so maybe this is just something everybody gets. Whatever.

But The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg? What is the connection between dinosaurs and Hank Greenberg? Well, first, both are dead. Secondly, Hank Greenberg was Jewish and so was the Hebrewsaurus. And lastly, neither one is something that I would bother watching. I guess Netflix may be smarter than I thought to come up with all of that.

When I got past that screen I got the same old suggestions from last time and, scrolling past, I got to a new movie I might enjoy.


Really? The Odd Couple? Because I enjoyed The Twilight Zone? Is it enough for Netflix that Walter Matthau was in an episode of The Twilight Zone? Honestly, I don’t watch that show just for him. And it is a good thing because I am pretty sure he wasn’t ever in one. And neither was Jack Lemon. I’m just going to have to throw my hands in the air and give up on that one. (For the record, I happen to love The Odd Couple but it has zero to do with The Twilight Zone.)

Maybe Netflix simply needed some more information. I’d only rated about 1,000 films for them, maybe a couple more would do the trick. So I went and rated some more films and I guess Netflix’s program started getting tired of my hitting “haven’t seen it” for every silly chick flick and anime mish-mash they popped on screen and started asking me questions.


How do I answer that? On the one hand I never saw a Harry Potter film in my life but on the other hand I love Escape from Alcatraz with Clint Eastwood and Patrick McGoohan. I guess “never” would be the best answer since I don’t think there are very many prison movies like Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. All I can think of is what if HBO’s OZ was produced for the Disney Channel? Someone needs to program some better algorithms into Netflix’s software.


Again, WTF? Wrath of Khan is easily the best Trek film (and no arguing with me in the comments section!) and a personal Top Ten Must Watch. If it is on TV, I watch it. (Goodfellas is on that list too, with Jaws.) And yes, Kirk’s mid-life crisis is a theme of the film, but to call Star Trek II a mid-life crisis movie is like calling Halloween a film about a babysitter. Well yes, but…

And speaking of horror films:


I’ve seen Meatballs. That is a summer camp film but it is nothing like Friday the 13th. I’ve seen Race for your Life Charlie Brown and that is nothing like Friday the 13th. For the third time I hit the “never” button and wondered why I was bothering.


Now here was a dilemma. The question is perfectly proper. But how to answer it? I have seen Crouching Tiger twice. I used to watch those old kung-fu flicks channel 5 used to show on Sunday afternoons but those were dubbed. (And pretty badly too.) I knew that if I hit “sometimes” I’d get nothing but films I couldn’t understand and probably wouldn’t watch even if I did, so I hit “never” again.

After I had all I could take I went back to see what new suggestions Netflix had for me.

Damn! Netflix is determined to get me to watch that film? And the connection between The Odd Couple, Dirty Harry, Psycho, and Casablanca? Each featured cheese as a significant plot point.

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Birth of the Office Drone

1 Jun

June 1, 2011

Remember when kids played cowboys and Indians? Cops and robbers? Thundercats and Voltron? What kid ever wanted to play accountant? Are you raising your child to be a CPA by third grade? Give a kid this toy and you guarantee a fun afternoon of sitting alone at the kitchen table shuffling pretend TPS reports and refilling a crayon pen. Listen up people! Give your kid a ball and let him go outside. And if the weather is bad or your neighborhood is under siege by crack dealers and your child can’t go out, give him or her something better than this. If you want your kid to be Michael Scott when he grows up then give this office thing to him. I can’t prove it but I bet that the Son of Sam and Ted Bundy had this sort of toy when they were a kid.

But I do get that there may be a parent who works in an office and who carries a briefcase and their child may want one just like mommy’s or daddy’s. You know what would be fun for that kid? Making his own office toys! Why does every toy need to be bought in a store? This is especially true for little kids. Ask any parent what their kid’s favorite toy was and they will nearly all say “the box the toy came in.” Back before flat screen TV’s, an average living room set was a cube roughly the size of a Honda and weighed nearly as much. I had an old giant TV box that I turned into a fort. Did my Mom buy me a fort? No, I made it myself.

And that is what any kid can do. Let’s make an office set ourselves, shall we? First we need a briefcase. Maybe mom or dad has an old one. No? How about an old school bag? Or a shoebox- ask any kindergarten teacher, you can make anything out of a shoebox. The retail toy has a refillable crayon pen, so let’s put some real crayons and pens into the shoebox. It comes with a desk calendar, and luckily I have a few in a bottom drawer. They were giveaways from the local supermarket and Chinese restaurant. They are out of date but that doesn’t matter. This is pretend! Imagination! And speaking of pretend, the set comes with a pretend stapler but my child is responsible enough to use a real stapler without getting hurt so let’s put a small grade school stapler in the box too. And
don’t forget lots of paper to staple and color. The set has a pre-printed ID badge but my child made herself the President of Lisa’s Zoo and it sure was fun decorating a piece of cardboard from an old box to make a personalized badge with animal stickers. And a piece of tape or a safety pin puts it right on her shirt. Oh, did I mention that she made her own uniform too? I didn’t see that in the toy’s description.

Looking at the picture I see that the set comes with a pencil holder that is shaped like a can, so why don’t I wash out a can for her? I’ll be sure to check for sharp places around the rim. Now she can decorate it too. You know, looking around the house, I have lots of things that can go into the briefcase. I have pads and post-its, I have markers and construction paper, I have some old keys for her office and even a nice picture of the family to put on her desk. I see a pretend laptop in the picture but my child already has learning toys that look like a laptop, or I can even give her my laptop (you know, the one with the parental controls.)

The only thing the toy has that I don’t need to give my child is a cell phone. She’s too young; this would only encourage her to get the real thing. And the glasses? Why reinforce negative nerdy stereotypes?

And you know what else? Maybe I’ll take the $28 dollars I saved and take my daughter to the park this weekend.

I hope I made my point.

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