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In Search of… Satanic Cults, Demonic Possession, and Zombies

7 Feb
February 7, 2011
Although satanic cults have been documented since the dark days of antiquity, it wasn’t until the 1968 documentary Rosemary’s Baby that the everyday menace of old folks worshipping the devil in their classy condominiums came to the public’s awareness. In the film, Rosemary’s husband, John Cassavetes (played by John Cassavetes in a dual role as himself and himself) met a sweet little cabal of nice old devil worshippers who, in the film’s terror-filled climax, forced Mia Farrow to cut off most of her hair and go through the bulk of the film in a little boy hairdo.


Rosemary’s Baby
opened the floodgates (of Hell) and you couldn’t go to a beach, drive on a lonely stretch of road, or break down in a cornfield in the middle of nowhere without being beset by scores of devil worshippers determined to either kill you or make you bear Satan’s love child. (It was kind of like the relationship Tina Turner had with Ike.) And the movies were even worse.
Especially if William Shatner was involved.

 

Average 1970's Black Mass.

In fact, 1973 brought another Hollywood expose of the evil that surrounds us. The Exorcist was the harrowing true-life account of Linda Blair, whose extreme allergic reactions to pea soup caused Satan to possess her body and destroy any chances of her ever getting a decent film role again. Poor Linda Blair, her acting career barely begun, would from then on be relegated to such films as Roller Boogie (1979) and Zapped Again! (1990). If those films don’t prove Satan exists I don’t know what does.

 

Demonic possession isn’t limited to young, weak-willed white women. Even someone with a strong and outgoing personality can be taken over. For instance, in the pitiable and tragic case of Flip Wilson, his every move was forced upon him by Satan. “The Devil made me do it!” was his tragic wail, but it did him no good at trial when he was found to be mentally incompetent on the basis of a split personality, one of whom, Geraldine, was always heralding the return of her satanic boyfriend, known simply as “Killer.”

Satan still walks among us and exercises his considerable might. Though Tipper Gore and her crusade for music censorship was, let’s face it, stupid, she was correct about certain facts. The music industry has long been the breeding ground for Satanism. The brutal Blue Oyster Cult has been linked to a score of ritual killings across the Southwest and their hideous mantra “don’t fear the reaper” found spray painted in many desecrated churches. Today’s most hideous cult leader is known for the awful atonal chanting which causes the intense brainwashing of thousands of teenage girls. Despite many efforts to stop him, Justin Bieber is still at large.

"Kill, my minions! Blood for Bieber!"

The most tragic case in the annals of music is that of Robert Bartleh Cummings, who died in a car accident in 1977 but was brought back to life through a witch doctor’s black magic spell. Doomed to wander through all eternity, Rob Zombie is a shambling hulk who speaks only of the dead. There is little hope of his resurrection, as demonic possession is 9/10’s of the law.

A zombie, Rob.

Rob Zombie’s home video, Living Dead Girl, depicts the sad fate of a young girl who went to a Rob Zombie concert and made the mistake of breathing. Studies have shown that the atmosphere at an average Rob Zombie concert is about 2% oxygen and the other 98% against the law.

 

The Living Dead Girl, whom I will call Michelle for no particular reason at all. Seriously, she doesn't remind me of anybody.

Although television shows like The Walking Dead and movies like Night of the Living Dead glamorize the zombie lifestyle, and films like Deuce Bigalow somehow keep the career of Rob Schneider alive (c’mon- there had to be a pact with the Devil there) there is little to recommend the satanic lifestyle. Wearing flowing robes and black makeup, drinking cattle blood, the decapitation of small animals, and sex with cloven-footed half-goat satyrs may all sound really cool but there can be a downside. For example, if you get elected to a political office you may have to stop wearing the robes. In general, dealings with Satan should be left to televangelists, the Ivory Soap corporation, and Alan Moore.

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8 Responses to “In Search of… Satanic Cults, Demonic Possession, and Zombies”

  1. Thomas Stazyk February 7, 2011 at 1:01 am #

    Good one–don’t forget the Satanic aspects of the Superbowl!

    Like

  2. JRD Skinner February 7, 2011 at 10:10 am #

    While I still enjoy the ’70s Hammer flicks, like The Satanic Rites Of Dracula, it’s in a very different way than I enjoy the earlier stuff.

    I’m not convinced that Dracula needs a funky soundtrack, or more orange carpeting on his sets.

    Like

    • bmj2k February 7, 2011 at 10:45 am #

      NOTHING Hammer ever did compares to the early Dracula films. Sorry, the Frankenstein films don’t rate as highly, even if Peter Cushing does elevate them with his sheer, near palpable presence. The Horror of Dracula- even though it ignores huge swaths of the book and simply makes up other elements- is a far more enjoyable film than Lugosi’s Dracula. Bear in minid, I am a huge fan of both that film and Bela. Hammer had so little money but they took great advantage of their outdoor shoots and no set is better than the one they used (outside and indoors) for Dracula’s castle in the first few films. And the climax of Horror- Cushing with the candlesticks, leaping onto the drapes, Lee disintegrating- can’t be beat.

      Now, all that said, Ingrid Pitt in Countess Dracula (1971) and The Vampire Lovers (1970) has some charms of her own…

      Like

      • JRD Skinner February 7, 2011 at 1:48 pm #

        Totally agreed. That jump at the end of Horror is one of my favourite film moments of all time.

        I concur about Frankenstein as well – Cushing makes those films excellent, (well, and Terence Fisher’s direction,) but there’s something about having both Lee and Cushing in the same film that elevates the proceedings. Even when Lee is just being shoehorned in, like in The Gorgon, I still feel like it brings the movie up. Having him show up just in time to kill everything that needed killing, then walking away, was fantastic.

        That said, it should be noted that I’m a sucker for all of the surrounding Hammer stuff – Vampire Circus, Twins of Evil, etc.

        Like

        • bmj2k February 7, 2011 at 6:06 pm #

          Don’t forget the wonderful Hammer music.

          Like

  3. Sam Hell February 24, 2014 at 8:12 pm #

    Seriously? Does anybody really believe a word of this garbage? I can’t imagine the kind of idiot that would buy into any of it! What sort special ed hyper religious whacked out lunatic christian had case wrote this crap anyway? I find it hard to imagine even the author of this junk believing it to be true! Get a grip people! Pull your head out of your dumb @$$ and open your mind! F.Y.I: The dark ages over! Why do you think like you’re in them? Reconsider that theory on evolution. I can’t say for sure if it’s true, but it does make a lot of sense. Don’t take the bible to be a word for word literal account. You’ve got to be high out of your mind to believe some of that stuff actually happened the way it is written! Watch ancient aliens or something! Quit trying to discredit everything that isn’t in your bible b/c there isn’t a single page that mentions dinosaurs. We know they were here and you can’t argue that they weren’t! I’ve gotta take my pea soup off of the stove before I boil out all the demons. Besides Satan is supposed to be dropping by sometime in the next hour to appraise my soul and a busy guy like probably hasn’t got time to sit around while finish eating. Anyways, d@mn y’all to hell and thanks for the laugh! Don’t forget to pray for yourselves b/c y’all bunch of stupids need all the help you can get! Lol

    Like

    • bmj2k February 24, 2014 at 11:35 pm #

      Best comment I’ve gotten in a long time! Thanks, Sam Hell!

      Like

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  1. In Search of… Sasquatch | Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - February 27, 2015

    […] Monkey Man of New Delhi. You can also find the Mummy of King Tut, Atlantis, the Roswell UFO Crash, Satanic Cults, Demonic Possession, and Zombies, the Winchester Mystery House, and the Devil’s […]

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