Archive | January, 2011

American Chopper: Sr. vs. Jr.: Two Weddings and No Fun At All

19 Jan

January 19, 2011

I normally begin with a discussion of the bikes but since the show virtually ignored them this week I will too, except to say that OCC had more trouble than you might expect with some standard front end parts. In fact, the only interesting thing about the bike build was at the end, when they unveiled it at an OCC road show. What do they do at an OCC road show? They build a bike on stage. I fail to see the appeal, unless they decide to accurately recreate the bike building experience- Senior yelling at random audience members, the OCC crew throwing things into the crowd, and lots of intermissions.

Spring is in the air, though this aired in winter, and it is wedding time. Last time it was Paulie, this time it is shaved orangutan Jason Pohl. Who would marry him? I am not sure since the guilty party has not appeared on camera, but I have my suspicions.

Anyone remember Escape From the Planet of the Apes? Remember the outraged Bishop when Zira referred to Cornelius as her husband?

Senior, for some reason, feels like Jason is a son to him and frankly, they deserve each other. How much does Senior love Jason- bought a new suit for wedding, WITH SLEEVES! It was his first new suit in forty years. He even got married in a sleeveless tux, so this is something special.

Speaking of “special,” no one on the show is more “special” than Mikey. When he heard that Sr. was going to Jason’s wedding (which, BTW, Paulie did not) he took it as a personal affront that Sr. would go to Jason’s and not Paulie’s- nor his, for that matter. Yes, I must have missed this, but at some point Mikey was about to be married and then it all fell apart. I don’t know who was at fault, but I figure that his bride must have sobered up and realized she was about to marry Mikey Teutul and go the hell out of Dodge.

But that wasn’t all from Mikey this week. Following his moving out of his art studio he moved back in with mommy and daddy- I mean Paulie and Vinnie. Not only did he set up a little art space in the shop, but he also planned to run sprints up and down the shop.
The busy shop.
The busy shop filled with expensive equipment.
The busy shop filled with expensive equipment which he broke.
Couldn’t you see that coming?

Paulie this week got a new customer, Faro Technologies, who was one of Sr.’s vendors. I don’t get why they went to Paulie (Senior suspects they poached him, and I think maybe he’s right.) because, let’s be frank, Paulie has nothing to offer, but they did and sent him a prototype mechanical arm. What does it do? I don’t know but it looked pretty cool until Mikey broke it. Paulie’s reaction? He screamed at Mikey, called him an idiot, and told him to get away from everything and never touch anything again.

At this point it may be helpful to remind you that I am talking about Paul JUNIOR, not Senior. Hmm, I wonder where all that anger came from? And judging by some of the other things Paulie had to say about Mikey, I wonder if Senior isn’t right about Paulie just using him against his Senior.

And by the way, Paulie, great mechanic that he is, told Mikey (of all people, Mikey!) to “glue it back together.” This is an expensive prototype on loan to them. I hope that Crazy Glue works!

Regardless, things were moving right along at PJD. Vinnie and Odie-Who-Is-Not-Cody started on the Faro bike and got as far as two minutes in when they realized that Paulie had not drawn up any plans. Paulie explained that he had them in his head, which is the worst place to keep them for a variety of reasons. Brendan, who seems to be the only guy who can fabricate in the entire country, flew all the way in from California to work on the bike. How hard up is he for work? How bad is the fabrication market in California that he would leave his pregnant wife at home while he flew to New York to make a fuel tank? Is there no one east of the Mississippi who can hammer some sheet metal?

Odie-Who-Is-Not-Cody had an idea about the bike’s design, to which Vinnie replied “nothing you say will be used.” GOOD FOR YOU VINNIE! He said he was only kidding, but you know what Shakespeare said: “Jesters do oft prove prophets.” That was in King Lear, another guy who didn’t quite get along with his kids. Let’s see how this tragedy ends.

In the end, there is no winner here. Unless you count Iron Horse magazine, which interviewed both Senior and Junior and got a lot of free plugs on the show this week.

1-800-Victim-of-a-Bad-Ad-Agency

18 Jan

January 18, 2011

Most lawyer ads are the same. Guy in a suit, wood-paneled office, law books in the background, a couple of guys in ties, maybe one with his jacket off and sleeves rolled up. looking intently at a piece of paper meant to be a writ, or a tort, or whatever. A voiceover, a pledge to work for you and get what you deserve, and an 800 number. How do you stand out?

 Make a really bad commercial.

 

OK, never mind the cheesy acting of the accident victims, you see that all the time. and ignore the lawyer near the end who almost can’t keep a straight face as he’s looking over his partner’s shoulder at the script- I mean at a legal document. My problem is with the animation. It looks like something done by either a talented eight year old or a gifted chimp. And their logo- made up of happy, smiling, disabled, bandaged accident victims. There are many questions I could ask, but I think this one sums them all up-  what’s up with that?

But is it better or worse than the commercial it replaced, featuring the rappers?

And now the Spanish version:

I think I prefer the Spanish version. 

The song I get- it repeats the number over and over and over until you want to drill a hole in your head to drain the song out. But are these the least interesting rappers you’ve ever seen? Who wants to see them?

No wonder they were replaced by badly animated squirrels. Or chipmunks? What are those things anyway?

I went to their website for some answers. All I got were more questions. I am not sure they are a legal firm. This is from the front page of their website:

OK, they are a law firm, but they don’t seem to make their money from practicing law. In fact, on their whole front page, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a mention of their law services. You do however find this:
 

It seems that this law firm is based not around the practice of law but around the licensing out of their phone number and allegedly effective commercials.

On the other hand, what other law firm gives you a guarantee of a free lunch?
 

I never saw a Supreme Court justice make that claim, but then again, they don’t even have their own animated logo, so what does this say about them?
 

During the course of my research, I even found that these guys have their own YouTube channel featuring their two commercials. It is lighting YouTube on fire!
 

I have seen a ton of lawyer ads, from the guy in the cowboy hat to the woman who screams her own last name, but this is easily the worst of the lot.