Tag Archives: Yankees

An Allan Keyes Profile in Courage: GEORGE BRETT

8 Jul

July 8, 2013

keyes

brett

In honor of the MLB All-Star Game coming up later this month, I’d like to profile my favorite MLB player ever.

Why is he my favorite? Is it for the prolific HRs? For his championship caliber play? For the way he went berzerk  after his infamous pine tar at-bat?

 

No, the reason I love Brett so much…..is this!

From Deadspin.com: Not sure which spring training this video is from, but the video was just released to an unsuspecting public on Thursday, and is destined to go down as a classic; watch now as Royals Hall of Famer George Brett regales a teammate about the many times he’s shit his pants. Seriously; Brett goes into great detail about this, and even at one point follows the poor guy across the field so that he can finish his story. At one point Brett says proudly: “I’m good twice a year for that. When’s the last time you shit your pants?” America needs to know just how close it came to this being the subject of Brett’s Hall of Fame induction speech. He is really into it.

Brett is a REAL man. “Double tapered” hahahahahahahaha

As a bonus, here’s some of my favorite baseball meltdowns:

Earl Weaver vs the Ump:

Lee Elia vs Cubs fans:

Earl Weaver vs Orioles Fans:

EXTRA BONUS BONUS NON-BASEBALL BONUS!!

Paul Anka vs his band:

EVEN MORE EXTRA BONUS BONUS (BONUS!) NON-BASEBALL BONUS!

I’ve recreated the greatest wrestling promo ever. No footage exists, but this is Rick Rude addressing the ECW crowd. I saw this live and it was amazing.

rude_8153

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Punctuation Can Be Insulting!

8 Sep

September 8, 2011

As a former English guy (teacher, not Briton) I tend to be sensitive about grammar and punctuation, which is why I play fast and loose with it in my posts. You see, you have to know grammar in order to get away with screwing around with it. That is the difference between being an intellectual and being an idiot, but no one seems to agree which side of that divide I fall on.

At any rate, I get bugged when I see bad or ignorant use of the English language. So the other day I was looking up something online and I came across the website of radio station WFAN, New York’s pretentious sports talk station. They had a sidebar of reporter bios, and this one caught my eye.

My first thought was “why would the Yankees beat up a reporter?”  My second thought was that some punctuation can really change the intent of that blurb.

Quotation marks are totally mis-used. How many times do you see signs that say We will be “closed” on Sunday? Did you wonder if maybe they will really be open on Sunday? You never use quotation marks for emphasis, you use it for direct quotes or, as is more fun, to cast doubt. Does Sweeny Murti really have insights? Or is it just some silly rambling nonsense? The quotation marks make me think the later.

Now I don’t even believe he is a reporter. Who is this Murti guy, some clown off the street?

But it isn’t just quotation marks that can be used to insult and cast aspersions. Take the question mark, for example. Start with this:And just add punctuation!

A smarter take? Doubtful!

But if you insist on using quotation marks you can accomplish the same thing.

And here’s another one:

Let’s use punctuation to screw with Neil.

Yeah, “fan” my sweet Aunt Fanny. This guy isn’t a fan.

Go ahead, try it yourself! Now that you know how to use proper punctuation to insult, there is a whole new world of nasty out there for you. Enjoy!

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