Tag Archives: weekly rundown

American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior: Judgement Day

9 May

May 9, 2011

Shortly before the show began I saw, on another channel, a new Dr. Pepper commercial with Paul Sr. as the head of a motorcycle gang. He threatened to beat up a poor schlub who could only tell him that “Dr. Pepper tastes like Dr. Pepper,” which I guess is their new catchphrase. If  I were the guy, after Senior threatened to hit me I’d tell him “touch me and I’ll own your valueless company,” which is appropriate because that valueless company is a main focus of this week’s episode.

The bikes this week are easy to describe because none of them were finished yet when the episode ended. You may consider that a drawback, but on the other hand there was no Jason Pohl so it was an overall win.

OCC was hired by Trans Am Depot to make three bikes, each based on a classic Trans Am. TLC seemed to be using this show as a tryout for a Rick Petko spin-off, “Rick Petko Explains It All” since Rick explained everything about the bikes this week. He probably got more airtime than anyone over at OCC this week, and that’s a good thing because he has more credibility and professionalism than anyone else in that shop. And while I am kidding about the possible spin-off, I could see TLC hiring him to host some kind of mechanical show.

PJD was hired by CrankyApe.com to build a pair of bikes. One would be a custom job and another would be one they bought from the CrankyApe website, refurbished, and will be sold on auction. CrankyApe is an online auction site that sells used, refurbished, or bank seized bikes. The second bike would be an example of what you can do with their bikes. Paulie brought in Cody to work on it. Once again, Cody showed himself to be more professional than most of the older guys on that show. CrankyApe went tp PJD because they once had a bad experience with OCC. About five years ago they called them up and “didn’t get the time of day” from them. Paulie, however, called them right back. Score one for Junior.

It isn’t all easy for PJD. Once again, Brendon was a little dissatisfied with the way things were done there.
Brendon: “No drawings again?”
Paulie: “Who’s gonna draw them?”
Brendon: “You.”
Is it any surprise that Vinnie says there is a lack of direction at PJD? “Daily as we go we figure out what we want to do.” He is too much of a professional to say it but he clearly doesn’t like working that way.

Another thing Vinnie doesn’t like is Paul Senior. Though you almost never hear it mentioned, the people on reality shows do go home and watch their shows at night. Vinnie came in and was really disgusted with an episode from last season. You may recall that a group of kids visited first OCC and them PJD and Sr. gave one of them a picture to bring to Paulie. Vinnie was just sick of how Senior never missed a chance to bad mouth Paulie to any passing stranger. I’m curious if Paul Sr. watches the show and what he thinks of himself. Would he complain that they edit out all of his reasonableness? It just reminds me of Bin Laden sitting in his bedroom watching himself on TV.

Senior and his wife went to Mikey’s gallery of awful art on a day Mikey wasn’t there to see the art. Mixed in with the finger paintings and pictures of the GEICO gecko, Mikey had a few pictures based on his relationship with his father. One of them was a crying man with the title “Remember When Daddy Loved Us?’ Another was a picture of a frowny face with the title “Sad Dad.” Actually, the frown may have been Sr.’s moustache, it had the same droop. “I don’t necessarily get some of his art,” Senior said. He’s no prize either. When ordering as part he needs immediately, Senior got confused between the A.S. and the A.P.

Upon hearing about his father’s visit, Mikey ran right to Paulie so Paulie could tell him what to think. For all of Mikey’s BS about reconciling with his father, after Senior went out of his way to see his art Mikey still won’t talk to him. He is weak-minded and doesn’t know what he wants. I think that somewhere he’s afraid that getting back with his father will make Paulie mad at him. Mikey has hitched his wagon to Paulie for better or worse.

Mikey, BTW, is huge. Whatever weight he lost awhile back has returned with a few more pounds besides. This week he was wearing an artsy scarf, a sport coat, and shorts. He is also doing his epic beard man impression by not trimming his wild growth.

The big news is the decision in the OCC/Paulie lawsuit. The court unanimously decided 4-0 in Paulie’s favor. This means that Paulie is in no way obligated to sell his 20% of OCC, so if Senior wants to buy it he has to make Paulie a real offer based on something besides his phony $0 valuation of OCC.

Sounds simple, right? Well not if you are a lawyer. Senior’s lawyer spun it so that “the case has not been won or lost either by us or by them.” Right. Senior was trying to force Paulie to give him his share of OCC for nothing. Now that won’t happen. Paulie wins. And of course, Senior entirely blames Paulie for the lawsuit by not selling him the shares in the first place. The whole point of Paulie wining the suit is that Paulie never had to do that. Senior was always in the wrong!

Totally coincidentally, I am sure, Senior decided that it was time to make up with his sons. So who did he talk to? His lawyer. That’s the problem right there. Somehow, the reconciliation and getting his shares from Paulie have become intertwined in Senior’s mind.

Those of you might recall that the commercials that aired before the season began said the build-off is coming, and the current commercials say that the only way to settle things is the way they began, with the build. So far, we have no idea what they are talking about.

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American Chopper: Sr. vs. Jr. Returns Yet Again, December 2010

14 Dec

December 14, 2010

I thought I was done. After the “season finale” in which the gang all went to Sturgis, I thought this show would be gone for awhile. There’s usually a break of a few months between seasons. There I was, taking a nice break from writing about phony-reality television. No American Choppers, no Scrappers (except for the spam some loser from their Facebook page keeps sending) for what I  thought was the long haul. I figured I’d see an ad, read an article, catch a commercial when American Choppers returned but no, this caught me by surprise. How did I know it had returned? It was a suggestion on my TiVo. Thanks. Betrayed by my own TiVo.

At any rate, just because the show came back, there was no real reason for me to write about it. Oh, I was always going to watch. Unlike Scrappers, I do tend to enjoy this show and except for a season or so in the middle, I’ve seen it from the beginning. In all honesty, I get a lot of clicks on the site from the Choppers blogs, but I get a lot of clicks from other things too. However, in this latest show, something caught me eye. Or rather, my ear.

It was Senior.

He didn’t yell. He didn’t insult his son. Though he said some uncomplimentary things about Paulie, they weren’t gratuitous, or simply just “he’s a jerk”-type stuff. And talking about PJD’s debut at Sturgis, he was nearly complimentary

That’s what got me. Senior was reasonable. A reasonable Senior.

Of course, I am an episode behind, so we’ll see how long this lasts.

So here I go.

First, the bikes.

OCC was contracted to build a bike for the Fallen Heroes Foundation, honoring soldiers who died in combat. Remembering the POW/MIA bike, I figured this was right up their alley.

I was wrong.

For some reason, Sr. left the design totally in the hands of the ass-kissing primate, Jason. Jason designed a really cool looking bike. Seriously, it was. It was a true GI Joe bike, desert colors, with ammo draped over it, grenades, claymore mines, and a rifle. It was a really great tribute to war and weapons. I’m sure Duke or Hawk would awesome fighting Cobra on it. I’m not really sure how it was a tribute to fallen soldiers. Everyone gushed about how cool it was, and I agree, it was, but as a tribute it fell flat.

But Jason got to run around with a gun.

PJD was contracted to rebuild and personalize an ATV. Having four wheels and resembling a dune buggy, you may realize that this was not, technically, a motorcycle. To be fair, this is a start-up and Paulie has to take what he can get.

Problem- Paulie knows nothing about ATV’s. Worse, he told the costumer, something called “Blingstar,” that “I don’t really understand quads.” I see a public relations course in his future.

Solution- Odie knows ATV’s. Put him in charge.

Problem- Odie is an inexperienced kid who mumbles when he talks because he doesn’t move his lower jaw, is obsessed with the word “freak” (Seriously- count how many times he said it this episode) and is totally not ready to run a build. When learning that the kid was to be in charge, the buyer, to his credit, didn’t run away, but he did laugh out loud.

Solution- Let Vinnie supervise Odie.

Unfortunately, that is not what happens, so parts don’t arrive on time, guys show up work and have no work to do, and Odie chooses to paint the ATV in unfortunate 1980’s-style neon orange and yellow. It’ll be Hulkamania running wild all over again.

It also inspired no confidence when Odie flipped the quad and landed flat on his face.

PJD has also expanded to the point where Mikey’s blind assistant helps take apart the bikes, and some old guy hangs around in the background.

More on the bike, er, ATV, next week.

The highlight of the show was Senior. He never yelled. He never screamed. I don’t know what got into him, except maybe he finally watched his own show and realized what a goon he looked like.

He gave Paulie credit for building two bikes, gave him credit for actually getting the business up and running, and even back-hand complimented the bikes.

This week he got an invitation to his son’s wedding, and to the surprise of no one, he didn’t go. Say what you will about the guy, and I agree- everything in the family is about 95% his fault, if not more. But this week, he sounded so damn reasonable that even if you didn’t agree with him, you had to admit that he still made a logical point. He said he wanted to go the wedding, but if he did, he would be a distraction, and he was right. He thought it would take away from Paulie’s day, which it might have.  Certainly, a lot of questions would have been asked of Paulie, and who knows what pressure he might have felt.

Personally, I would have gone, but Senior made sense. I didn’t agree, but I could see his point.

Next, Senior reached out to Mikey. After about a dozen emails, they agreed to a sit down in neutral territory to work things out. Senior, calmly and reasonably, explained how he never had a problem with Mikey, how any trouble with Paulie had no bearing on their relationship. Again, damnably reasonable. THIS WASN’T PAUL TEUTUL SR!

For whatever, reason, Mikey decided not to go. He also decided not to tell his father so his father showed up at the diner, waited around for half an hour, tried to call his son, and then left. If I didn’t know better, I’d feel sorry for him.

By the way, this week we also saw Mikey’s new art studio, in which I’m pretty sure he hung up some drop cloths and called it art. And blink and you missed it, there was a “Free Rick” poster there too.

So bottom line, Mikey will have nothing to do with his father unless he patches things up with the rest of the family, which isn’t really fair to his father.

Nor is it fair to us, the viewers.

I don’t know what happened this week, I have no idea what they slipped into Senior’s coffee, I don’t care if he’s in therapy, next week he better scream and yell, blow up a mannequin of his son, take an axe to an old car, anything but be calm and reasonable.

Or this show may have to focus on making bikes again.

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