Tag Archives: Travel

So You Want To Go To Las Vegas- A Primer (Classic Repost)

3 Jul

July 3, 2012

This is vacation time so I present, from 2008, my Las Vegas travel primer.

from August 16, 2008

Congratulations, tourist! Your choice of Las Vegas as your travel destination shows that you are sophisticated and stylish. No tacky Hawaiian shirts for you; you’ve picked the elegance and glamour of Nevada! (Just remember not to venture off the Strip.)

Ten tips for the discriminating Las Vegas tourist:

1- If you plan to make any Moe Green jokes, tell them at the airport and far from the city limits. The locals are not amused.

2- Nevada is not a foreign country. When the man at the airport offers to exchange your money, decline.

3- Casino was a great movie, but if you plan a trip to the desert to find out where the bodies are buried, you’ll be one of them.

4- “Always bet on black.” Would you take any tips on how to spend your money from Wesley Snipes?

5- Yes, those women are men.

6- The Blue Man Group is always ready to meet their fans. In fact, if you ask, they will most likely come back to your hotel room for drinks. But beware- they never, ever, take off that creepy paint.

7- You can no longer find The Rat Pack at The Sands. In fact, you can’t find The Sands at The Sands. It was torn down in 1996. (The ghost of Peter Lawford has been spotted, however, from time to time in the bar at The Venetian.)

8- You may encounter celebrities in the casinos. Proper etiquette upon meeting a celebrity is very important. For example, please help Lindsey Lohan hold her hair back when she vomits into a fountain.

9- During a Texas Hold ‘Em tournament, never walk past a table and shout “I’m all in!”

10- “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Please use discretion. Herpes contracted from the sores on a hooker’s lip does not stay behind when you cross over into Arizona.

There you are, Las Vegas traveler! Enjoy your time in Nevada, and remember, the Moonlight Bunny Ranch does not accept coupons.

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Allan Keyes and The Politically Incorrect Buddah

4 Jun

June 4, 2012

This is the last of Allan Keyes’ posts about Japan and he is ending on a high note.

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These pics are mostly noteworthy to me for the oddity of it. They were taken at Kiyomiza Dera temple, and our guide pointed out that the represented the only black-skinned Buddah statue from that period. He went to on assure us that the locals called this statue “Mr. Black Man” – but with reverence, as it was still a representation of the sacred Buddah.  I’m going to assume he was telling the truth on this one. Afterwards, this statue was the subject of a loooooong bus ride discussion among the members of my tour group as to if it would be wise to show pics of this guy around the office.

                       

I really wasn’t supposed to have taken these pics – photography was forbidden of so many things on my trip.  I took many pictures in places I wasn’t supposed to, not just temples but museums as well. Quite a few of us made a game of it; we’d challenge each other to get the toughest forbidden picture. One gent from Toronto was quite good at hanging the camera off his neck like it wasn’t in use, and when nobody was looking, just press the shutter to get the pic. He got the best shots and somehow he always managed to have the camera pointed correctly. Another couple on my trip used team tactics, with the wife distracting the guard/guide with a vapid question so her husband could take a few snaps. I should apologize for the violation I suppose but well…………….

My one photography regret was that I could not sneak even a single picture of the “Temple of 1001 Buddha Statues” – It was quite possibly the most stunning statue work I have ever seen. Here is one statue that I took a picture of – from a postcard of it I was forced to buy in the gift shop:

  

This is an actual ancient statue in that temple. People were getting their cameras confiscated and the images wiped in this location – the monks were out in full force and were not messing around.  This is one thing I recommend you google – the images are online, and they’re some of the sickest statues you’ll ever see.  And you can see quite a few that were direct influences for Mortal Kombat and Big Trouble in Little China….

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