Tag Archives: Texas

(The Same Ol’) Bagful of Lies

26 Oct

October 26, 2013

Saturdays are rough lately, real rough. A new blog??? On Saturday???? What the-??

See what I mean? It is hard to keep up my wealthy man-about-town lifestyle and still get out a Saturday blog. Hence this Classic Repost.)

From January 29, 2013

I love croutons. A good bunch of croutons can really make a great salad. Cheddar and bacon, garlic and butter, you name it, I really love those toasted squares of stale bread and my salad isn’t a salad without them. But this particular bag of croutons just makes me angry. Who does it think it is anyway, insulting my intelligence?

croutons

New York brand croutons expects me to believe that they have the Original Texas Toast? Really? I’d think that the original Texas toast would come from, oh, … TEXAS.


Hold on to your hats, it gets worse! Turns out this bag of NEW YORK croutons is not made in New York at all!

croutons3

“New York” brand “Texas Toast” made in Ohio! Is there no truth in the world anymore? What can I trust? It was bad enough when I realized that no train stopped at my local Subway franchise, and not long ago I found out that beloved McDonald’s shill Grimace was played by the same man who dressed as the Hamburgler. Sheesh, no artistic integrity there either!

This just ruins my salad. I can’t eat croutons under false pretenses. Thanks a lot, Marzetti Company, you’ve just ruined my diet.

croutons LIE

And I think the Hamburgler is flashing gang signs in this picture. If he’s a Crip then I think McDonald’s should consider changing their advertising strategy.

McDonalds+Gooding+Hamburglar+Grimace+Jan+2013

Nature’s Revenge

26 Mar

March 26, 2013

news roundup week!

Thanks to Allan Keyes for tipping me off to this.
All week I’m featuring news items from around the world, culminating in an Imponderable from New Zealand this friday. We’ll be visiting Africa and Japan this week, but today we stick to the good ‘ol USA, and there is no state that says USA more than Texas.

snake1

Never mind snakes on a plane, these snakes are a-flame! (Hey, I know that stinks. Give me a break. You try doing this.)

This was not the most well thought out woman in the world. She saw a snake in her yard, so her natural reaction was to douse it gasoline and set it on fire. Makes perfect sense to me. I’m sure this woman panicked because:

A- the snake was a poisonous Black Mamba, which is indigenous to Africa and never, ever, seen in Texas
B- she thought the snake was an assassin. When asked, the snake replied “I’m a soldier, to which the woman said “You’re neither. You’re an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.”
C- the woman was just stupid

Personally, I think she overreacted. The proper thing for a Texan to do upon spotting a snake is to trample it with his herd of cattle.