Tag Archives: Simpsons

What Is That Thing?

17 Jan

January 17, 2014

I recently had the chance to go back and read one of my old blogs, Imponderable #92: At the Carnival. This is the one where some idiot drops over $2,000 on a rigged carnival game in hopes of winning an Xbox and ends up with a stuffed banana. Reading my old blogs can be as painful for me as it can be for you, trust me, even more so, but this one just opened up a mystery for me, something I never noticed before. Here’s the picture I ran with the story.

carny_640

What’s the classy guy drinking? It is clearly a Pepsi but in a weird container, like a normal paper or wax paper cup but sealed like a milk carton on top. I went back to the original, uncropped picture and found that there was a second cup in the scene too.

carny soda crop

Dating the picture is hard. Looking at their high-class threads, this couple could be from anytime between 1969 and infinity. The prizes are a little more help. While it is hard to date the Spider-Man and Superman pictures, the Simpsons didn’t start airing until 1989 and the Dick Tracy movie came out in 1990, so I’m going to date this in the early 1990’s.

I went online to look for that odd soda container but couldn’t find anything even nearly close. The only thing in even the same realm was some even older civil defense containers of drinking water.

watercarton

Any of you ever see soda packaged that way? Because it is sealed it can’t just be something they sold empty and filled, it had to be produced by Pepsi and distributed that way. I have to admit, it does seem like a cool and cheap way to package soda, though I wonder if the soda would eventually eat through the paper, much like it is doing to our stomach linings right now.

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Choose Your Own Allan Keyes Adventure

11 Nov

November 11, 2013

keyes1.jpg

I’m taking a creative writing class. It’s part of my self-improvement kick, and since I refuse to give up my rage, xenophobia or binge-eating, this was the least difficult option for me.

That said, since I’m a lazy man and this class is still in fact, too difficult for me, I’m going to try an experiment and crowd-source my short story. If you help me, I promise at some later date to actually show you the finished product.  So imagine yourself as a sophisticated reader (which you naturally are, you’re visiting this blog after all!) and tell us what you think….

Preferred Name for the Hero:

-Slickjack Bohannon

-Razor Horowitz

-Arnold Stallone

-Malvin van Brocklingham, III, Esq.

 

Preferred Name for the Villain:

-Rodney TechNine Johnson

-Cordova Montelban

-Whitey Supremacist

-Yakuza Shinobi

 

Preferred Name for the Love Interest:

-Dances on Poles (an American Indian gal)

-Electra Mankiller

-Pouty Busterton

-Sister Carlotta Savio Vega de la Renta de la Paz

– Gertrude Winklevitz

-Roger Manlove

snoopy-good-writing-is-hard-work 

Where The Story Takes Place:

-Peoria

-The slums of Greenwich, Connecticut

-A broom closet in a janitor’s storage room on the 46th floor of a skyscraper on Memorial Day

-An electrolysis shop on the wrong side of the tracks

-The first kosher hot dog stand in Saigon

-An endless void

 

What the Story is About:

-A touching love story of redemption between an aspiring Plushie and a Donnie Most imitator

-The world’s smartest bird travels back in time to learn the identity of the true inventor of “The Aristocrats” routine

-One desperate network executive tries to save his job by making a News Radio reunion happen, while a rival tries to prevent it – with murderous results

-A suave pig rancher pursues his dream of joining the most prestigious mariachi band in his hometown – Los Dudes Guapos

-An young orphan boy in Guandong Province grows up to be the most famous scat singer since Mel Torme, but faces the rejection of the local noodle wench

-Nothing. What did you do this morning? Ate breakfast and read a book. That’s what happens.

 

Supporting Characters (Pick any 5):

-A jaded prostitute with a heart of gold

-A gruff but secretly paternal Police Captain

-A chainsmoking conspiracy theorist

-A drunken bumbling sidekick that always saves the day

-A deadly rival – who becomes the hero’s best friend

-An overprotective mother

-An under-protective father

-An older male friend – who turns out to be the hero’s long lost daddy

-A disabled war buddy from the Grenada invasion

-Twin circus clowns (counts as three picks)

-An old mentor who’s lost his way

-The Ghost of President Warren G. Harding

-A Friendly Italian whale

 Writingishard

Surprise Plot Twist:

-Evil Twin!

-The butler didn’t do it……the maid did!

-The doctor was the patient’s mother

-The President turns out to be on the Mafia’s payroll

-Darth Vader already got to Bespin first (Hey, it worked for Lucas….)

-Zombie haberdashers

-Accidentally betrayed by those closest to him

-NWO SwerveTM

 

Proposed Titles:

-Full Moons and Pressed Hams

– Esta Historia es Increíblemente Estúpido

-Analstorm: The Bloodening

-The Whimsical Rampage of Dr. Horatio Neublizer

-Lil’ Penny the Cutest Brutalizer

-Star Wars Episode VII

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