Tag Archives: Peter Pan

The Saturday Comics: Captain Kirk vs. Conan the Barbarian

2 May

May 2, 2014

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Remember Power Records? Those old 45 rpm albums that came packaged with a read along comic? They were absolutely fantastic. Star Trek, superheroes, Planet of the Apes, they were a 70’s geeks dream. While doing thing on the web, I came across a great cover of a Star Trek story, The Time Stealer. This was an original story, never aired. From Memory Alpha:

“Captain’s log, stardate 6134.6. The mysterious… time slow-down we’re experiencing has affected… not only every crew member on board… but all the Enterprise‘s instruments and computer banks… it’s as if… time itself were winding down… and us with it…“

Spock reports that the time slowing phenomena began when the Enterprise came within three light years of the high-density energy field ahead. CaptainKirk orders Sulu to stop the engines and bring impulse power online. As they stop, Spock notes that the time slowing effect has ceased – “at least… things are getting no slower.“

Kirk orders the ship turned about to put at least ten light years between them and the strange distortion. Sulu notes that an alien vessel is approaching them from the starboard. Uhura tries to raise communications with them as the viewscreen shows the ship. It has an unfamiliar shape, but appears to be a warship. A hail arrives, and the voice introduces himself as Konrac and demands their surrender. The warship then fires on the Enterprise, causing some minimal damage.

After a quick scan of the other ship, Spock notes that despite its size, there are only two lifeforms aboard. Kirk contacts Scotty and has them beam over the two beings to the Enterprise. When Spock and Kirk arrive at the transport dock, they discover Scotty slumped in a corner and Konrac on the attack. The only reason that Konrac cannot overcome Kirk is due to Kirk’s advanced combat techniques, but they are fighting to a standstill. Spock sneaks up behind the other being, a man dressed in what appear to be wizard’s robes, and uses the Vulcan nerve pinch to quickly subdue him. With that action, Konrac’s strength vanishes, and Kirk is able to easily defeat him.

In sickbay, Dr.McCoy explains that the wizard, Klee, actually is a wizard, and was using magic. As they discuss this, Sulu reports from the bridge that the time-slowdown area has moved. Konrac explains that the distortion is called a Gola and has its own orbit. He further explains that its orbit brings it in range of his planet one a regular basis, causing great problems. His civilization is as old as the Humans, but their development is still at the barbarian stages due to the time slowdown effects.

“Captain’s log, supplemental. Konrac and Klee were sincere. Their entire race was counting on them to wipe out the menace that had held their culture locked in a standstill for centuries. And now they had the help of a starship!“

Kirk orders Chekov to fire phasers at the Gola, and even after three direct hits, no effect can be seen, just as with the photon torpedoes fired moments before. McCoy suggests that it is because the Gola is twisting time and avoiding the weapons of the Enterprise. At the same time, Spock notes that the Gola is now an enemy with intelligence, and it is approaching them directly. Klee and Spock huddle and discuss the situation. Between the two of them, they come up with a plan to attack its mind rather than its physical form.

Klee began conjuring up mental images of his ancestors and storing them in the Enterprise computer banks. While he was doing so, Konrac tells Kirk about the origins of his culture, and that their oldest ancestors came from a planet called Earth. Before Kirk can inquire further, the Gola approaches even closer. Fortunately, Klee is prepared and launches his attack, but it is not enough. Klee and Konrac’s culture is not old enough. Spock approaches the terminal and begins to glow with the same aura as Klee and added the history of the Vulcan people, millions of years all at once. The Gola is paralyzed with the shock. Spock tells Kirk that during the attack, he could feel the mind of the Gola. They put the sounds onto the speakers and it sounds like a crying baby. Spock notes that it is searching for its parent, the sun that spawned it.

“Captain’s log… stardate 6453.2. After using a long-range tractor beam to pull the Gola behind us for several days, we finally released it moments ago… as we orbited the star sun Spock’s calculations had pinpointed as the parent. All of us watched the screen in eager anticipation…“

The Gola is no longer a threat, and Konrac and Klee’s world safe, and the two returned. Kirk tells Spock that something about the two still bothers him, and that they came from Earth originally, but that he knows of no records describing a culture vanishing from Earth at that time. Spock retorts, noting that he saw mental images of a sinking continent, and evacuations taking place aboard spaceships. He mentions the legend of Atlantis to which Kirk notes that he may have just solved one of the mysteries of Earth.

At this time, Power Records also had the Conan the Barbarian license, so when it was time to mock-up a cover, what easier way than to swipe some Conan art to stand in for Konrac the Barbarian?

STARTREKtimestealer

There it is, the cover that must have launched a thousand bad fanfics.

 

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My Secret Life Upon The Stage

19 Jan

January 19, 2011

Some of you may not have known this. In fact, I’d bet that none of you had an inkling of this. Being the mostly-unknown and lightly-read blogger that I am today was never my career goal. I didn’t set out to turn Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride into the underwhelming sensation it currently is. No, my secret ambition was to be an actor. Yes, to tread upon the stage.

And some time ago I did just that.

The Time: 1980
The Place: The auditorium of PS 247.
The Production: The Fifth Grade Performance of Peter Pan and Wendy Go Around the World. (One Night Only!)

Yep, I was not even 10 years old when I made my stage debut. Of course, this was not my first job in acting. Two years earlier I had been cast as a jaybird in my third grade play, but that was just staged in the classroom, we didn’t get to stand behind the footlights. It doesn’t really count. Plus some of the other kids teased my by saying “the jaybird is a gaybird” and even though I had no idea what that meant back then, I hated the teasing and told the teacher that I didn’t want to be in the play. Looking back, I may have been the victim of gay bashing. I have a very limited personal experience with homosexuality. I was once hit on by a construction worker when I was 19 but that’s a (true) story for a different time.

Anyway, the fifth grade class of PS 247 was putting on the play Peter Pan and Wendy Go Around the World. It was written by one of the teachers in the school and only much later on did I realize that the title sounds like a 1970’s porno movie.

It was very topical. The premise was that Peter and Wendy went on a tour of the world and saw all the world’s troubles. It was a downer of a play. After flying around the globe and seeing all the wars and poverty and injustice, Peter and Wendy appealed to Tinkerbelle to use her magic to make the world a better place but she turned them down. The end of the play was an appeal to the world, via the audience of around 200 parents, for peace and love and understanding. Turn on the news and see how well that turned out.

This was back during the Carter administration and the Iranian Hostage Crisis. In one scene, Peter and Wendy flew over Iran and dropped in on the American hostages. For whatever reason, not only were Peter and Wendy invisible to the hostages, they were also unable to free them. I am not sure that gaping plot hole was ever explained. Anyway, after the hostages on stage moaned about how awful it was to be held hostage, and Wendy and Peter told the audience how terrible it was to have hostages in the world, it was time for me to hit the stage. My big part, my big line.

I marched on from stage left, strode to center stage, looked out at the audience, and announced “The Ayatollah Khomeini wishes to see the American spies.” Then I marched offstage. Yes, I was an Iranian soldier.

Now today it is cool to embrace the bad guys. Everyone goes to comic cons and dresses up like Darth Vader but at no time were Iranian soldiers ever embraced by society at large. I wasn’t crazy about the part. Plus I only had one stinking line!

But I made the most of it. While I was scripted to say my line and march offstage, I,  like any problem actor, pestered the director, who was my teacher, to make some changes. I argued that being a mean soldier I would never just walk offstage. If the Ayatollah Khomeini wanted to see the hostages I wouldn’t count on the hostages just walking over, I’d march them over at gunpoint. Finally my teacher agreed, or just got tired of me, and that’s how I got to bring my BB rifle and cap pistol to school. (How times have changed.)

We were in charge of making our own costumes. I wore slacks and a blue dress shirt. I took the shoulder braid from my Cub Scout uniform to make it look more military and stuck my silver metal (and very real looking) cap pistol into my belt and slung my (very real) BB rifle across my back. I also wore a blue or black baseball cap.

So I strode onstage, walked to up front and center, paused, looked around to find Mom and Dad, and said my line. I took the rifle off my back and stuck it (hard, I took the role very seriously) into the back of one of the hostages and waved my gun at the other and marched them offstage.

And that was it.

But that wasn’t my last time upon the auditorium stage. I think the acting bug had bitten me. Later, my friend and I tried out for the talent show. We reenacted the Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader battle from The Empire Strikes Back using homemade lightsabers. We took (OK, my Dad took) translucent blue plastic and rolled it into tubes which he then taped atop normal flashlights. In the dark they looked pretty good but the plastic was very chemical-smelling and sniffing it too long made me sick. My friend and I had so much fun fighting with the lightsabers that we never came up with a script. When we auditioned we had the lights lowered and the crowd ohh’d and ahh’d over the cool lightsabers and then laughed as be banged them together while saying, over and over and over, VADER: Luke, I am your father. LUKE: No you’re not! VADER: Yes I am!

We did not make it to the talent show but a few years later my buddy Marc and I proudly joined our junior high school talent show with a production of The Partially Paid For Nightly Network News, which was the two of us sitting behind a desk acting like news anchors and telling bad jokes. We were heckled.

Other acting highlights included the night I got sick and missed my Cub Scout production of an Indian war dance and the time I was at summer camp and I played the father in Bye Bye Birdie. That was my singing debut. (“Kids! I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids today!”) Not that I recommend watching it, but if you come across Bye Bye Birdie on cable, I had the Paul Lynde part.

Birdie was played by our 50 year old female director who stepped in at the last moment when the kid playing Birdie threw a tantrum and refused to go on.

Looking back on my acting career, I have no regrets, just a question. Why didn’t those hostages jump off the stage and run out the fire exit when the guard wasn’t around? It was only about 30 feet away.

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