Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride

October 13, 2011
Originally published December 13th, 2009

Things have changed quite a bit at Mr. BTR since this first appeared almost two years ago. This was one of the most popular blogs (in terms of views) for a long time, and still ranks high in views every month. While that might just be a search engine fluke, the fact remains that I like it and a lot of new readers may never have read it before, so enjoy this Classic Repost.

Who doesn’t trust The Washington Post? For journalistic integrity they are right at the top of the list. Are they? I don’t know, I never read that paper. I prefer to peruse the British press where I can catch a glimpse of a Page Three girl. But this article comes from one of my favorite American News Sources, News of the Weird (Their motto: “For journalistic integrity we are second only to the Washington Post, we think.”).

It is from the November 22^nd edition, and credited to the Washington Post of November 12^th. So if this was first reported in the Washington Post and then picked up by the News of the Weird, you can be sure this will be high on the agenda at the next session of the UN General Council.

An unprecedented toilet-building spree has taken hold in India over the last two years, spurred by a government campaign embraced by young women: “No Toilet, No Bride”

Now I am nothing if not a credible journalist, so I did a bit of research and found this bit of info on CNN.com, squeezed between a picture of Tucker Carlson’s bow tie and a sidebar about how highly polished Obama’s Nobel Prize is:

“No toilet, no bride,” has become a rallying cry for women raising a stink about the lack of a basic amenity. (Ha ha! Who says the news industry can’t be funny?)

They see it as a human rights issue, especially in villages where plumbing can be nonexistent.

It was that way in Sunariyan Kalan in the northern state of Haryana. Sumitra Rathi said village women had no choice but to relieve themselves without privacy. They would go before sunrise or hold it in until darkness fell once again to avoid being seen. Or they would walk out to the fields and endure embarrassment. They don’t want their daughters to face the same indignity.

“Many of them do make serious inquiries from the families of grooms about latrines,” she said.

Personally, Mr. Blog stands with his sisters on this one. “Places of poop” (as a friend once called them) are vital to the general well-being of every man woman and child. At least in my neighborhood. But I’m not sure everyone agrees with me. About five years ago, I was parked in the local Toys “R” Us parking lot waiting for someone to come out when I saw a woman and her son, who was no more than four, exit the store. I was parked very close to the exit, as it was quiet and I didn’t have to steal a handicapped spot, so I saw the whole sordid scene. The woman held the boy by the hand and marched him to the nearest lamppost where she pulled his pants and underwear down around his ankles, pointed to the pole, and yelled “pee!”

Yes this is true and yes I watched it and no I am not a pedophile.

The kid, without batting an eye, peed, and in quite an arc I must say.

I was appalled. The store they just exited had a bathroom!

So now the kid finished peeing and is standing there, full frontal nudity, in a puddle, in full view of all the perverted trash in the parking lot, and me, when the mother, who had turned her back on this, turned around and asked the kid if he was finished. He said he was. So she reached around, grabbed the kid’s gear, and gave it a few vigorous shakes to get the last drops out. Yes, she gave the kid a reach around in the parking lot.

This kid has a great future as a foster child ahead of him.

She pulled up the kid’s pants and they walked back into the store.

Did I mention there was a bathroom in the store? In fact, two. The kid could have gone himself into the men’s room or, he’s still young enough, with his mother in the ladies room.

So I wonder if that woman came from a non-toilet country, like India? Perhaps she was not yet acclimated to all the wonderful plumbing our great culture has to offer? It could be that, as yet, she was not yet used to the American way of defecation? From youth, I have been privileged to live in houses, and have relatives who live in houses, and shop in stores that have, and work in buildings with, TOILETS. They may not have always been clean or had toilet paper, and they may have looked like an elk was eviscerated in them, but they were good old American toilets and I was proud to pee in them, even in winter when, quoting my friend once again, “heated toilet seats are like a gift from the gods. I really wish that they were the norm in all places of poop.” (She is quite the philosopher. I only hope she’ll speak to me again.) [NOTE: She did not.]

“No Toilet No Bride.” I can only hope that this wonderful slogan takes root in America.

Tags: bathroom, bmj2k, heated toilet seats, India, marriage, Mr. Blog, Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride, Mr. BTR, no toilet no bride, pee, peeing, plumbing, reach around, toilet