Tag Archives: New York Jets

The Happy, Skipping, Pylons of Fear

17 May

May 17, 2016

pylons-skipping-gif

I found that gif floating around Facebook. I’d like to take credit for it but I can’t. I can’t even take full credit for the story I’m about to tell, but here it is.

When my brother, the long-lost Allan Keyes and I were little tykes, we’d often be bundled into the family car to take a trip through the wilds of New Jersey to see our relatives, an aunt and uncle and cousins. It was a chore. We rarely wanted to go. And being rotten little kids we were never too well behaved on the ride. 

New Jersey is known for a few things: toll booths every three yards on the highway, The New York Jets, and those endless miles of electrical wires stretching pylon to pylon all the way down to the horizon. So any trip on the highway was accompanied by an almost non-stop view of those metal monoliths. During the day they looked kind of boring and industrial, but at night they could be eerie with all the lights on them, sometimes blinking on and off.

Anyway, my brother and I were young and stupid and probably very annoying to the adults in the car until one day my Aunt told us that the pylons were monsters that move when you’re not looking at them.

I know what you’re thinking- Doctor Who totally ripped off the weeping angels from my Aunt. She should Sue. (Ha! See what I did there? Two of you will get it.)

BvuRYSw

Anyway, we’d calm down and look anywhere but out the windows and then, suddenly whirl around and try to catch them moving. We never did, but we kept trying. Did I mention that we were young and stupid? I was 24 years old! NO, no, just kidding. 

As soon as I saw that gif online, this is the story that popped into my head. Crazy thing is… it’s true. The Pylons. New Jersey. All of it. It’s all true.

EP7-175875-1377-1378-01

Meanwhile, they say New Jersey is the Garden State, but did you notice that they never tell you what’s growing in the garden?

Triffids. New Jersey is full of triffids.

.

PS: Happy Birthday to Saarah!

 

 

Football is back! (Super Sunday Special!)

8 Sep

September 8, 2013

To commemorate the return of football season, here is one of Allan Keyes classic J-E-T-S football posts.

December 10, 2012

keyes1.jpg
Sports fans were rocked by the news that Jets super fan “Fireman Ed” had retired citing……something or other.  I couldn’t be bothered to really read about it. It’s not like Lou Gehrig’s retirement speech. For those of you outside of New York or with lives, Fireman Ed was some old sourpuss in a fireman’s hat who led the J-E-T-S  JETSJETSJETS! chant at Giants stadium, the home of the Superbowl Champion Giants (oh yeah, and the Jets also). He recently announced he was stepping down from his super fan position, quite possibly the first recorded instance of this sort of thing ever happening, because it’s just too stupid for words really.

     fireman ed                  

So with the void left by the “retirement” from a voluntary and non-existent job of being an overenthusiastic sports fan, tens of bored Jets fans cast their thoughts on the question – who will be the next “super fan” to lead the Jets?

Ladies and Gentlemen, wonder no more! I give you……………………………CAPTAIN JET (No, really):

 captain jet

There’s a lot to process here folks, so I made a helpful guide for you:

 Captain Jet - Meet Fireman Ed's Replacement!

 

….yeah, I know, I know.  I’m not even gonna make a further comment on this guy, except to note that he at least gives it his awful all.

Here’s a poseur spotted at that same game that needs to take a few lessons and up his act:

 UR DOING IT WRONG

 

Pretty sad really for both of these guys. They pale in comparison to the coolest football fans evah……the denizens of the Oakland Raiders “Black Hole”

 black hole1

So…..when does baseball season start again?