Tag Archives: music

“Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year” by Tiny Tim (I’m not making this up)

24 Dec

December 24, 2014

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I’m sorry to break news like this to all the world’s kiddies on Christmas Eve. You’re all snug in your beds, waiting for Old Saint Nick to leave presents under your trees, but I have to let you know, Santa may not make it to your house this year.

From December 25, 2010

Don’t hate me. This was suggested by oft-time commenter, the full-time Allan Keyes.

Don’t know who Tiny Tim was? This isn’t the “God bless us, everyone” kid. This is the banjo-playing freak show who was popular in the 1960’s and 70’s. Popular for what you ask? I don’t know. He was one of those people whom someone one day called a celebrity and no one argued. I’d compare him to Paris Hilton but I don’t like to speak ill of the dead.

So, with apologies, here is “Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year.”

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Taylor Swift’s Top Ten Crazy Demands

4 Oct

October 4, 2014

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Taylor Swift’s Top Ten Crazy Demands

According to this article, Taylor Swift has been making some crazy demands of her limo company. Here, in no particular order, are her Top Ten Crazy Demands.

1- Limo drivers are not allowed to talk to Taylor Swift. This includes these phrases:

  • Hello.
  • Please fasten your seatbelt.
  • Oh my god that truck is going too fast!
  • Are you OK?
  • Blink twice if you can hear me.

2- All radios within 50 feet of Taylor Swift must be electronically altered so that they cannot play any music by Harry Styles.

3- Anyone allowed to speak to Taylor Swift may not make eye contact. They should instead make eye contact with a target which an assistant will hold up approximately 3 feet behind Taylor’s left shoulder.

4- There should always be 3 boxes of tissues on hand at any time for use after a messy breakup.

5- Any person in the same room as Taylor Swift for no less than 15 minutes will be considered to be in a relationship with her and may be the subject of a song.

6- All persons are forbidden to mention Mr. Blog or Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride in Taylor Swift’s presence.

7- Anyone spotting Jake Gyllenhaal must, without regard to personal safety, rush over to him and punch, hit, or kick him hard enough to make him cry, just like Taylor Swift did after he took her virginity and then didn’t even show up for her birthday party.

8- Do not immediately call for medical aid for Taylor Swift if she goes into convulsions. She may just be trying to “shake, shake, shake it off.”

9-Taylor Swift may only be photographed with professional lighting and a personally picked photographer. If none is available, a well-known portrait painter represented in the Louvre may be substituted.

10- In the event that Katy Perry and Taylor Swift are in the same room, please provide Taylor Swift with a private room for her to tweet nasty things about Katy.

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