Tag Archives: limo

Taylor Swift’s Top Ten Crazy Demands

4 Oct

October 4, 2014



Taylor Swift’s Top Ten Crazy Demands

According to this article, Taylor Swift has been making some crazy demands of her limo company. Here, in no particular order, are her Top Ten Crazy Demands.

1- Limo drivers are not allowed to talk to Taylor Swift. This includes these phrases:

  • Hello.
  • Please fasten your seatbelt.
  • Oh my god that truck is going too fast!
  • Are you OK?
  • Blink twice if you can hear me.

2- All radios within 50 feet of Taylor Swift must be electronically altered so that they cannot play any music by Harry Styles.

3- Anyone allowed to speak to Taylor Swift may not make eye contact. They should instead make eye contact with a target which an assistant will hold up approximately 3 feet behind Taylor’s left shoulder.

4- There should always be 3 boxes of tissues on hand at any time for use after a messy breakup.

5- Any person in the same room as Taylor Swift for no less than 15 minutes will be considered to be in a relationship with her and may be the subject of a song.

6- All persons are forbidden to mention Mr. Blog or Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride in Taylor Swift’s presence.

7- Anyone spotting Jake Gyllenhaal must, without regard to personal safety, rush over to him and punch, hit, or kick him hard enough to make him cry, just like Taylor Swift did after he took her virginity and then didn’t even show up for her birthday party.

8- Do not immediately call for medical aid for Taylor Swift if she goes into convulsions. She may just be trying to “shake, shake, shake it off.”

9-Taylor Swift may only be photographed with professional lighting and a personally picked photographer. If none is available, a well-known portrait painter represented in the Louvre may be substituted.

10- In the event that Katy Perry and Taylor Swift are in the same room, please provide Taylor Swift with a private room for her to tweet nasty things about Katy.

Two From Donald Trump (Archives a4 and a5)

10 Apr

April 10, 2013

antiquities header

“I’m not looking to play this thing up. I’m surprised you people found out about it.” Yes, that’s Donald Trump, he of humility and humbleness, talking about the time he leapt out of his limo to stop a mugging.

Trump Limo

Look at Donald, leaping into action to stop crime! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Limo-Man!

Trump stared down a thug with a bat and said “Look, you gotta stop this. Put down the bat.” The man swung but was only successful in whiffing the hair off the Donald’s head.

So Trump expects us to believe that, while cruising around in his limo, he saw a brutal mugging and jumped into the middle of the fray? Ok, maybe that happened. You know what I don’t believe? That he did not want any publicity.

Ecstatic Trump (1)

The positively orgasmic woman on the right has just touched Mikhail Gorbachev. Don’t ask me what the big deal is, but that woman really seemed to enjoy it.

But makes the picture great? The smug, smarmy grin of Donald Trump, looking right into the camera, almost in the center of the action.

You have to love The Donald.

%d bloggers like this: