Tag Archives: Medieval Times

Imponderable #95: Stockton California

31 May

May 31, 2013

warrior 1




Is this man a genius or has he simply seen too much Games of Thrones? Either way, once his term of office is over he has a bright future at Medieval Times.





The Celebrity Apprentice: Week Two

26 Feb

February 26, 2012

On last week’s show, the men won the first challenge, led by Paul Teutul Sr.’s mysterious benefactor and his $305,000 donation.  The women went to the boardroom and Cheryl Tiegs got fired, thanks to her admission that “I don’t know if this is right for me.” Paul Sr. and George Takei butted heads and Victoria Gotti proved to be not so popular among her teammates. (Want the full recap of Week One? Click here.)

In related news, Paul Teutul Sr. unveiled the Trump Bike over on American Chopper, which is something of a sister show at the moment since both shows are filmed simultaneously and some of the activity surrounding Paul Senior is spilling over to the Discovery Channel. (You can get the complete American Chopper recap by clicking here.)

And now, Week Two!

“Every last one of ya’s is bitches!” Victoria Gotti to the women upon entering the lounge after the boardroom. The opening minutes  of the show are setting her up as the resident villan, a role she is clearly comfortable in. Let’s just say she did not come off too sweetly last week.

GUEST JUDGE: James Lipton of Inside the Actors Studio, who claims to be a Knight of the Republic of France
THE TASK: Put on a 12-15 minute show for Medieval Times

MEN’S PROJECT MANAGER: Penn Jillette, and he is a perfect choice. They are a man down this week, as Adam Carolla is hosting a wedding at his own home.

Lisa’s idea is to do a Real Housewives of Camelot show, and of course they have a Real Housewife on their team. Who are they fighting over? Donald Trump. Not bad, but before she got the idea out she ordered her team not to interrupt her, which they did, so she chastised them, and they interrupted her, and she ordered them not to interrupt, and eventually her idea came out. Ought to be an interesting team dynamic.

Aubrey O’Day, last week’s comic relief, seemed almost confident and commanding this week. Debbie was a little jealous that she seemed to be second in command to Lisa.

Ever been to Medieval Times? It is a fake castle in which you sit stadium-style around an arena watching “knights” joust and sword fight while you eat food with your hands. Seriously, I’ve been there a few times and it is a lot of fun. The audience is encouraged to cheer and root for their section’s knight. And speaking of sword fighting, any comic book fans reading this? Lou Ferrigno with a sword was shades of Planet Hulk.

Penn was in charge for the men and who else could do it but him? He knows entertainment, he knows big-stage shows, he knows how to entertain an audience (OK, so does Dee.) . Am I going on about him too much? No, I’ve seen him in person and he is brilliant. And unlike the women’s team, he is planning to make every member look good. The women are already fighting, and none more than Lisa who is bawling them out for daring to talk. She better watch out, the women are practicing sword fighting!

“She was running the show like a tyrant.” Dayana about Lisa. She wasn’t the only one with a problem with Lisa. Victoria, who was made stage manager, thought she was marginalized into a tiny part. Lisa said the real actresses got the acting parts, but then she cast a Real Housewife to act, throwing that reasoning out the window.

During the rehearsal of the show, Teresa talked about what it is like working with real actresses, which once again makes me wonder why anyone would consider anyone from a trashy reality show a star. I get that the show is amazingly popular, but to call anyone of them from that show a star? Not in my book. Not that Victoria Gotti is any kind of star either. Nor a particularly good speller. She was spelling Medieval Times “Mid-evil Times.” And that was on a computer with spell check, and dozens of Medieval Times signs around her.

Paul Sr. brought one of his OCC bikes, a blue medieval style bike with swords and chain mail on it. I didn’t recognize it. Any of my American Chopper readers know which one it was? The men seem to be a pretty cohesive and happy team. Clay seems to be into the task, George was into the costume, literally, and everyone seemed positive and on-task. In other words, more or less the opposite of the women. Lou Ferrigno and Paul Teutul looked scary as knights, Clay seemed to be reliving his Spamalot days in his outfit, and Dee seemed comfortable as a woman.

During the rehearsal, George ad-libbed, which was a problem because A- he was not funny, and B- he was messing up Clay’s lighting cues. Worse, however, was when Dee’s horse got spooked and he hurt his finger on the saddle. It might be broken. He needs to go the hospital, but it is nearly showtime! What will he do? Commercial break.

Commercial break over. What did he do? He put ice on it.

The men’s show began with Michael Andretti on horseback and Penn and Arsenio (that’s what they called themselves) getting the crowd hyped. George announced the knights: Lou on horseback vs. Paul Sr. on his bike for the honor of Lady Dee. They fought and Lou did something that must have put a smile on Paul Junior’s face and slew Paul Sr. Lou won the “Lady” and rather than kiss Dee Snyder he slew himself.

The women’s show started and Lisa on the mic was scary. She yelled. Loudly. The point of the microphone is that you do not need to yell. The women’s show was pretty much just a medieval catfight with swords, and I am sure a certain segment of the male audience was totally digging it, especially when one of the women had a (pixellated) wardrobe malfunction.

Yeah, it was sort of like Xena, but much, much worse.

“I felt like a real actress.” Teresa, describing how she felt when flipping a table in the arena. Sheesh.

Although the crowd seemed to love it, the women’s show seemed really stupid. The men got it right.

The boardroom began at 10:08.

Trump wasted no time getting the friction going, asking victoria what she thought of Lisa as project manager. Victoria didn’t attack, not yet, but she was clearly not a happy camper.

Victoria: “I was really hurt and disappointed because I did not think it was sending a good signal to the other girls.” Yeah, that was it. A real team player that Victoria.

The men all rallied around Penn. Paul and Arsenio said he was phenomenal, and Lou said he was excellent. George called him a Renaissance man. Who was the star? Lou said “the team is the star.”  But if they lose, who will Penn bring back? After some deliberation, Lou and George. Why? I am not sure. Penn couched it in such a way that he was somehow complimenting them as he picked them.

Lou: “I an insulted.”
Penn: “It is (insulting) and I am sorry for that.”

And in a magic moment, Lou out-talked Penn and left him near-speechless. Penn admitted he was wrong and had nothing coherent to add. He seriously backtracked from his position. I really need to re-watch that scene later, but my best guess is that the women are going back to the boardroom. But if I remeber nothing else from this week;s show, it will be Penn folding like a cheap suit and asking Lou to forgive him. I give Penn a ton of credit for being a gentleman and admitting he was wrong, but he had zero strength of his conviction.

Who would Lisa bring back? Victoria (duh) and Dayana. The women- and bear in mind that the winner or loser was still not announced- started fighting about the concept and who should get fired, with the majority blaming Lisa and Aubrey since it was all their idea and none of the other women were allowed to talk.

THE WINNER: By audience vote: Men (558) Women (363) The Men win! $40,000 to Opportunity Village, Penn’s charity.

The men left and the women continued to blame Lisa. Hard to argue, since I thought the concept was lousy to begin with. Except for possibly Victoria, the women all worked hard. It was pretty clear that the women wanted Lisa out, and it didn’t help that Lisa was such a bossy pain on this task.

Clay, looking at James Lipton on the monitor: “They don’t fight like this on Inside the Actor’s Studio!”
(Speaking of James Lipton, he didn’t add very much sitting in for Ivanka this week.)

Don Junior pointed out that when he visited the women, no one had a single complaint about the show or their tasks, and wondered why all this was suddenly coming out.

Who would you fire? Patricia picked Victoria, Aubrey picked Dayana, Dayana picked Lisa.

Lisa brought back Victoria and Dayana.

The commercial break hit at 10:52 and I am hoping that Dayana gets fired for no other reason than to keep the Lisa/Victoria feud going another week.

BTW- at 10:59 that boardroom fight was still going on and I realized that the show was scheduled to go to 11:08.

And what else happened at 10:59? Lisa Lampinelli started to cry. Angry tears, but tears nonetheless. I did not expect it to her. She said the theme was not why they lost and even Don Junior backed her up, saying that  the theme “seemed to be one of the winning points with the audience” and he also pointed out that when he arrived to check on the women’s team, Victoria was not there after getting pissed off and leaving in a huff. James backed Lisa (in a bizarre theatrical way) and said he was impressed with her passion.

Who would Dayana like to see on the team going forward? Lisa.

YOU’RE FIRED: Victoria. (And rightly so.)

NEXT WEEK: A task involving Ivanka’s fashion line, and Ivanka picks the winner.

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