Tag Archives: lesbian

My Review of Sausage Party The Movie

13 Aug

August 13, 2016

lnmh sausage party

Sausage Party, The Movie is an animated film like no other. I mean that literally. There is no comparison, unless I dare to compare it to some of the raunchy 1970’s cartoons like Fritz the Cat. This is an adult film in every sense of the word. And then some.

Seth Rogan is behind this film so you some things going in. It will be tasteless, it will have plenty of F-bombs, and there will be drug use. I think it is impossible for him to do a film without drug use. (Both in the story and possibly during production.)

(For those of you who are wondering, I managed to snag my favorite seat, top row center. I may have tripped a couple of nuns to get it, but I got it.)

In a nutshell, the film is about cute cartoon food items (hot dogs, buns, boxes of cereal, etc) that live for the day they will be plucked off supermarket shelves by “the gods,” who will take home to be pampered and taken care of for the rest of their lives. Of course, they find out the truth that they will be chopped up, blended, eaten and “murdered” in the most horrendous ways possible, all very gruesomely (though not too graphically) animated.

sausage party cast

The story centers on 6 main characters- a hot dog who finds out the truth in the outside world and a group of five- a hot dog and his girlfriend, a bun, a Jewish bagel and an Arab falafel who do nothing but reenact the real-world Israel/Palestine issue, and a horny lesbian taco.

This is a film that is guaranteed to offend someone. In no particular order, there are the Woody Allen-ish bagel and the fiery Arab stereotype falafel constantly at each other’s clichéd throats, sleepy Mexican food, wise Indian “Fire water,” Nazi sauerkraut (in a Hitler mustache) determined to wipe out the juice (yes, “the juice”), and almost any other ethnic group you can think of.

The main group is threatened by an evil douche- yes, he is literally a female hygiene product- who holds a grudge against them for ruining his chance to go the outside world.

Along the way they encounter a human who gets high on bath salts and ultimately ends up beheaded.

It gives nothing away to tell you that the movie ends with a giant food orgy, including hot taco-on-bun action, lesbian oral sex, gay male sex between the bagel and falafel, the hot dogs inserting themselves in any willing food orifices, and every single food item in the store having group sex with every other single item in the store.

Don't tell me you're not thinking about it.

Don’t tell me you’re not thinking about it.

And the douche rams itself in the store manager’s butt where he does battle with the hot dog in the manager’s crotch. (I mean a real hot dog, not, you know.)

At this point, I must tell you that not only does this post contain spoilers but it’s also not safe for work.

Bottom line, this film is very, very funny and is also an equal opportunity offender. The German items are all Nazis, the English tea bags are all interested in tea bagging, the Arab is only interested in the seven bottles of virgin olive oil promised to him in heaven. No one in the theater I was in was at all offended, we were all too busy laughing. This is a foul-mouthed film, a borderline pornographic cartoon, a partial stoner movie, and all funny. And conveniently, the porno parody will not have to change the title at all.

If more films had Salma Hayek as a hot and horny lesbian taco, this might have been a better movie season. That was what Ghostbusters desperately needed.



My Review of RuPaul’s Drag U.

29 Jul

July 29, 2010

A television network has to present a heterogeneous collection of shows. CBS, NBC, ABC, and FOX have to appeal to the broadest possible range of viewers in order to get the high ratings they need to survive. Niche programming won’t work- they need to get as many people as possible to tune in.

Cable networks don’t work that way. They try to appeal to a very specific market for their ratings. Since their ratings threshold is much lower than the networks, their programming can be decidedly homogeneous.

Or homosexual.

Stick with me, I went a long way for that line.

LOGO is a cable network dedicated to the gay and lesbian lifestyle, the transgendered, the transsexual, those in transition, bi-sexual, men in women’s bodies, women in men’s bodies, you get the idea. What does “LOGO” stand for? Turns out nothing- it isn’t an acronym. But if it was, I’d suggest “Lesbian Or Gay Oriented.” Fits wonderfully, but if we were to add in letters like “B” for bi-sexual and “T” for all those “trans” words, you might get “BLOGOT” but that sounds like a bigoted blogger. (I would also avoid “GOTBLO.”)

I don’t watch this network. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I am straight (not that there is anything wrong with that either) but my girlfriend (who swears she is straight and won’t budge no matter how many times I use the ménage word) loves that channel. I can’t look at my thumb when I get a splinter, but she watches all the medical shows on that channel- guys getting things cut off and pushed around to become women, women getting things added and injected to make them men, even people keeping the gear from both teams just in case. (And, to keep the sports metaphor going, though they appear able to score goals on themselves, it doesn’t work that way.)

LOGO has a new show, RuPaul’s Drag U. RuPaul is the host and believe it or not that is his real first name. I think his last name is Finkleman. Anyway, you may remember him as the very hot woman that everyone thought was simply a very hot woman until we all found out that he was a man in drag. Teenage boys around the country were faced with some very tough decisions about whether or not to take his poster off the wall.

Here he appears as a man, a strange choice for a drag show, but he really looks better as a woman. As a man, he looks like a woman in man-drag. He is bald and has a new mustache so bushy you’d swear it’s fake. Maybe it is.

The Many Faces of RuPaul

I am not quite sure I get the premise of the show. A drag queen is a biological man who dresses up, over-accessorizes, uses too much make-up, gets in your face, and yowls like Cher. However, the premise of this show is to turn biological women into drag queens. Can a woman dress as a woman and still be in drag?

The jury is out.

As are the judges, who are way, way out there. These are real drag queens. In other words, real fake women. These are over the top men-dressed-as-women with names like “Pandora Boxx,” “Jujubee,” and “Ongina.” Each one has his/her own little video profile (one pretends to suck down a hot dog in a dirty way) but they don’t have the market cornered on drag names. The contestants come in with names like “Saline Dijon” (Get it? Think Canadian singers.), “Honey Boom,” and “Moxie Mayhem.”

There have only been two shows aired so far. I’m sure the best is yet to come. I suggest “Vagina Monologue.”

Anyway, the contestants are frumpy women who span the whole cross-section of America, from insecure housewives to insecure single women. I’m sure the producers tell them to arrive looking as dowdy as possible because they all show up in sweatpants and their hair pulled back in a bun.

Three contestants each week are assigned their own drag queens who mentor them through each step of drag queen-dom. They get points in categories such as flamboyant dancing, bright painful makeup, huge wigs, lip-synching, and just being faaaaabulous. By the end of the show, the frumpy women all look like drag queens, i.e.: men in drag, and have come out of their shell enough so they can try to jostle each other off the stage as they try to get in front of the camera while lip-synching “Girls Just Want To Have Fun.”

The winner “dragualtes” from the school and wins, apparently, nothing. (I suspect the word “dragulates” is there specifically to make me uncomfortable.) I think the point is to give the women some sense of empowerment and self-respect, but from the shows I’ve seen that just isn’t possible. On the second show, the winner’s husband and son joined her onstage, and if you’ve never seen the strange combination of happiness and unease, tune in.

RuPaul’s Drag U. The set is full of glitter, the men are full of estrogen, and the women are full of glam. Me? I’m off to watch Deadliest Catch. I need a counterpoint.

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