Tag Archives: cults

What’s up with Japan?

14 Feb

February 14, 2011

I have always maintained that culturally, Japan is as far away from us as, well, North America is from Japan. To a certain extent I can understand. There is something paradoxical about a culture which so quickly adopted Western garb and certain Western habits while also keeping alive traditional Japanese values. It is not uncommon to see men and women in business attire mixing with people in kimonos and robes at the local marketplace. However, it is hard to give them any kind of a pass when I read things like this:

I see Japanese people in masks around New York too but I simply chalked it up to fear of the bird flu. Turns out I was wrong. To say I don’t get it is to grossly understate it. I shouldn’t be surprised though. Compared to America, huge number of teenagers (and not-so-teenagers) spend entire days and weeks online in cyber-worlds that are more important to them than life itself. It isn’t uncommon to see young Japanese kids styling their hair to emulate their favorite manga or anime characters. OK, so maybe people over here wear Superman t-shirts and get Batman tattoos, but have you ever seen whole age groups dyeing their skin green like the Hulk?

But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m making broad, unsubstantiated generalizations.

No I’m not.

Of course, this comes straight out of Japan.

Yeah, strapping yourself into a harness which electrically pulsates will really add “a human-like level” to online conversations. I wonder what the electric chair would add? More to the point, how long before this gets adapted for porn?

What is happening to human to human interaction when people think that a shirt which squeezes you while looking at your mother on a computer screen is the equivalent of a good night hug from your mom before you go to bed?

“For a while technology has been driving people apart, locking them in front of computer screens. Now we hope to use it to bring them together.”

No. All this new technology does is make it easier to be apart! Nothing can compare to another person’s touch, a parent’s embrace. Perhaps what we need is a device that kicks people off their computers so they can spend time with their families and get some genuine human interaction.

Taking this to the logical extreme, once this is perfected, you can take the human out of the equation completely. Once a computer screen and a hug shirt can mimic the human experience, how long until they can be programmed to do it with no person at the other end? Parents can program their computers to play goodnight messages, hug their kids, even tuck them in without all the hassle of actually doing it or even thinking about it. Kids are such a bother.

So why have them? The next step is not to replace the parent, but to replace the child. Why have a real child that poops and cries when you can have your computer mimic one? It can hug you, it can give you “a deep immersive experience.” All you would need is one child and millions of users can “interact” with it via these machines hooked up to computers. And it doesn’t even need to be a real child, just a computer program. Remember, this is the country that gave us the Tomagotchi.

Virtual parents and virtual children. The only upside is that with virtual sex, these losers will die out without ever procreating and maybe this whole stupid idea will become extinct.

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In Search of… Satanic Cults, Demonic Possession, and Zombies

7 Feb
February 7, 2011
Although satanic cults have been documented since the dark days of antiquity, it wasn’t until the 1968 documentary Rosemary’s Baby that the everyday menace of old folks worshipping the devil in their classy condominiums came to the public’s awareness. In the film, Rosemary’s husband, John Cassavetes (played by John Cassavetes in a dual role as himself and himself) met a sweet little cabal of nice old devil worshippers who, in the film’s terror-filled climax, forced Mia Farrow to cut off most of her hair and go through the bulk of the film in a little boy hairdo.


Rosemary’s Baby opened the floodgates (of Hell) and you couldn’t go to a beach, drive on a lonely stretch of road, or break down in a cornfield in the middle of nowhere without being beset by scores of devil worshippers determined to either kill you or make you bear Satan’s love child. (It was kind of like the relationship Tina Turner had with Ike.) And the movies were even worse. Especially if William Shatner was involved.

 

Average 1970's Black Mass.

In fact, 1973 brought another Hollywood expose of the evil that surrounds us. The Exorcist was the harrowing true-life account of Linda Blair, whose extreme allergic reactions to pea soup caused Satan to possess her body and destroy any chances of her ever getting a decent film role again. Poor Linda Blair, her acting career barely begun, would from then on be relegated to such films as Roller Boogie (1979) and Zapped Again! (1990). If those films don’t prove Satan exists I don’t know what does.

 

Demonic possession isn’t limited to young, weak-willed white women. Even someone with a strong and outgoing personality can be taken over. For instance, in the pitiable and tragic case of Flip Wilson, his every move was forced upon him by Satan. “The Devil made me do it!” was his tragic wail, but it did him no good at trial when he was found to be mentally incompetent on the basis of a split personality, one of whom, Geraldine, was always heralding the return of her satanic boyfriend, known simply as “Killer.”

Satan still walks among us and exercises his considerable might. Though Tipper Gore and her crusade for music censorship was, let’s face it, stupid, she was correct about certain facts. The music industry has long been the breeding ground for Satanism. The brutal Blue Oyster Cult has been linked to a score of ritual killings across the Southwest and their hideous mantra “don’t fear the reaper” found spray painted in many desecrated churches. Today’s most hideous cult leader is known for the awful atonal chanting which causes the intense brainwashing of thousands of teenage girls. Despite many efforts to stop him, Justin Bieber is still at large.

"Kill, my minions! Blood for Bieber!"

The most tragic case in the annals of music is that of Robert Bartleh Cummings, who died in a car accident in 1977 but was brought back to life through a witch doctor’s black magic spell. Doomed to wander through all eternity, Rob Zombie is a shambling hulk who speaks only of the dead. There is little hope of his resurrection, as demonic possession is 9/10’s of the law.

A zombie, Rob.

Rob Zombie’s home video, Living Dead Girl, depicts the sad fate of a young girl who went to a Rob Zombie concert and made the mistake of breathing. Studies have shown that the atmosphere at an average Rob Zombie concert is about 2% oxygen and the other 98% against the law.

 

The Living Dead Girl, whom I will call Michelle for no particular reason at all. Seriously, she doesn't remind me of anybody.

Although television shows like The Walking Dead and movies like Night of the Living Dead glamorize the zombie lifestyle, and films like Deuce Bigalow somehow keep the career of Rob Schneider alive (c’mon- there had to be a pact with the Devil there) there is little to recommend the satanic lifestyle. Wearing flowing robes and black makeup, drinking cattle blood, the decapitation of small animals, and sex with cloven-footed half-goat satyrs may all sound really cool but there can be a downside. For example, if you get elected to a political office you may have to stop wearing the robes. In general, dealings with Satan should be left to televangelists, the Ivory Soap corporation, and Alan Moore.

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