Tag Archives: Celebrity Apprentice

American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior: Malaysian Adventure

7 May

May 7, 2012

Tonight we get to see Senior in a dress.

MALAYSIAN ADVENTURE
Senior, Jason, Jim and Steve travel to Malaysia, where they not only unveil their latest bike, but also encounter wildlife, swim under waterfalls and barter at the central market.

Forgive my lack of enthusiasm but the show began with future OCC boss Jason Pohl taking us through the process of making the bike. Because he had so much to do with the fabrication and he knows all about how to build a bike, every step of the process. That’s it, right? Right?

So while we eagerly await seeing the OCC crew swim in a lake and look at trees, Mikey went to Paulie to tell him that he wants to quit the show. He’s doing it because he thinks it will help his relationship with his father. Will it? Doubtful. then Paulie reports to his wife, as usual.

So what happens in Malaysia?
The OCC crew ride a bus and look out the window!
Senior says he needs a nap!
They walk through the lobby of a hotel!
Commercial break! WOW, this looks great! Seriously, had this show not jumped the shark a dozen times over this would be it.

Jason: “Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys near the car! Monkeys! Monkeys! Monkeys!” That is an exact quote.

They ride scooters! On the other side of the road!
They handle tame snakes!

And I am not making a joke, this is real, at about 9:15 there is a kid in a clown suit who looks just like Obama. Seriously, I’m not getting political, the kid looked just like him.

They hike up a mountain!
They look at a waterfall! Why am I still watching this?
They take off their shirts and swim!
They look at fish. (Jason: “Look at these fish!”)
Jim bites off Jason’s sleeves! (You had to see it.)
They ride a boat!
Jason makes up a song: “There’s a monkey in the boat, a monkey in the boat, a monkey in the boat, hi ho a monkey in the boat.” Then a monkey took a dump on Jason’s seat and Jason threw the feces back at the monkey. NOTE TO READERS: INSERT YOUR OWN JOKE HERE.
They pet stingrays! Big deal. I did that at the Coney Island Aquarium when I was four. (Jason: “Let’s set them free!” Senior: “Stop being stupid.”)
They put a horse shoe crab on Jim’s head!
They ride on more boats!
They ride a cable car! Is this over yet?
Jason misspelled his own name! “JASN.” Are you nothing a pattern here? Senior: “I don’t know if he’s suffering from lack of oxygen ’cause most o  the time he hasn’t made any sense.”
They shop at a local market!

And oh yeah, they unveil the bike.

THE HIGHLIGHT! Senior puts on a dress, a nice black and purple floral number. ANYONE HAVE A SCREEN CAP? SEND IT TO ME!

NEXT WEEK:
CHANGE OF HEART May 14, 2012
PJD starts a build for Skill Tools while OCC begins a bike based on an Italian sports car. Then Junior makes a huge decision that could finally end his estrangement from Senior once and for all.

The Celebrity Apprentice: Week Twelve

6 May

May 6, 2012

Dayana was fired last week. Five are left, but by the end of the show there will be only three. Trump is firing two tonight. My guesses? Arsenio and Teresa are sent packing, leaving Clay, Aubrey, and Lisa in the final three.

THE TASK: Create a print ad for Elle Magazine
THE PROJECT MANAGERS: Teresa with Arsenio and Aubrey, Lisa with Clay.

There is a product in mind but the guy in charge had a thick accent and I missed it. I’ll go back later. (It is Chi, a hairdryer.) Anyway, when Teresa said she was PM you should have seen the look on Lisa’s face. She was a shark smelling blood in the water.

“As usual I had a million ideas.” Aubrey, and I can’t complain about that since I like her idea “be at peace with your hair.”

Teresa is not a negotiator. The teams had to pick from the same models and Teresa sat down with Lisa and told her straight out who her picks were. That left Lisa free to rook her any way she wanted. Lisa and Clay were not wedded to any of the models but once Lisa knew who Teresa wanted she was free to screw her out of them.

Clay, meanwhile, was not effective alone. He needed Lisa to make a lot of decisions. On the other side, the PM, Teresa, was not effective either. But hey, cut her some slack, she was stuck with Aubrey who managed to put herself in the ad too.

Around the 9:40 mark, Aubrey made a lot of cameramen and editors very happy by sitting around topless for a while. And from the look on her face, she knew just what she was doing. (Sorry dudes, it was pixellated.)

“I just look so good as a hair model! It’s undeniable! Hellloo!”

Train wreck time! Teresa read- and read BADLY- off cards during her presentation. She stumbled, she misspoke, she appeared illiterate. If they lose, SHE HAS TO GO. But other than Teresa, the ad campaign was really good. Arsenio and Aubrey read from cards as well, but not nearly as obviously or poorly as Teresa. Aubrey: “I saved the day.” Yeah, whatever.

I liked the visuals for Clay’s team, but the ads were way too wordy. Lisa: “If Teresa wins over me it is time to hang it up.”

I googled Chi hairdryer and this came up. Here is a gratuitous picture of Jennifer Aniston. Does she use the Chi? Beats me but probably not.

9:56. Boardroom time, and earlier than usual.

Trump to Lisa: Should Teresa be in the final two “No!”
Trump to Aubrey: Who would be better in the finals, Lisa or Teresa? No answer.

THE WINNER: Lisa and Clay. Remember I said Teresa and Arsenio would get fired? I think Teresa is about to get the heave-ho. Meanwhile, it is 10:15 so it is clear Trump has something coming up after the boardroom.

Teresa, who should be fired? “Arsenio. He played it safe.”
Arsenio: “No I didn’t. I did some things our project manager was incapable of doing… I don’t think she is even qualified to evaluate my work.” And better: “Don’t throw me under the bus or I’ll back it up and hit you with it.” He stayed calm but went at Teresa hard. All Teresa could do was say “Aubrey, what do you think?” She looked really bad in the boardroom. “I’m into photography. I like to look at pictures.”

And so, Teresa, you’re fired.

And I am so far batting 1.000.

Clay. Lisa. Aubrey. Arsenio. And one more to be fired tonight.

The phone rang and Trump brought everyone back to the boardroom. He told then that they would be interviewed by John rich and Marlee Matlin, last year’s final two, and not one, but TWO will be fired. So THREE will be gone this week. So there really was a twist for the viewers.

The final four sat with John and sat with Marlee and they reported back to Trump.
Aubrey: Too green. Tried to play John Rich.
Clay: Is he a leader or a follower? Played it safe.
Arsenio: Has charisma but an out of control side.
Lisa: She talks a lot. Comes on strong.

So who are your final two?

Congratulations to ??? TO BE CONTINUED! So ok, it was only two fired this week.

NEXT WEEK: One gets fired and the final two go head to head.