Tag Archives: Allan Keyes

Allan Keyes Presents: The 2013 Mr. BTR Film Festival

29 Jul

July 29, 2013

 

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My First Award: The Worst Display of Shooting EVER:

 

I mean look at this dipshit.  He’s got his prey trapped in an enclosed space. EASY PICKINGS. More to the point, the door is glass – he doesn’t think to shoot through until the very end. And then he fails it by not killing anyone at point blank range.  I mean, yeah it’s a good thing he didn’t kill anybody but common – there used to be a time where people took pride in their craft.

In the meantime. YouTube is littered with these Philly PD videos. Good stuff, if you like to see sub-humans prey on people that is.

Because that was bound to leave a nasty taste in your mouth, here’s an adorable kitten/raccoon ownage:

My Second Award: The Interspecies Love Award:

 

WITHOUT FURTHER COMMENT, I PRESENT TO YOU THE WINNER OF THE GOLDEN LAURELS AND THE PALM ‘D CRAP – 2013 MBTR FILM FESTIVAL.

Allan Keyes Knows Art When He Sees It

22 Jul

July 22, 2013
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I’m getting a bit of a boner just looking at these:

There’s some site called “Buzzfeed” that I’ve never heard of before, but will add to my favorites list now. They’ve done something awesome that deserves to be swiped for cheap content highlighted for the amazing treat that it is.  Ever wonder what it would look like if Thomas Jefferson was cracking out a gorilla? Or if Reagan was riding around in a warrior velociraptor?

Well, if you ever did sparky, you’ve hit the jackpot! http://www.buzzfeed.com/moerder/the-17-most-epic-pieces-of-presidential-fan-art-ever   Thanks Buzzfeed!

I’ll show just two of these epic awe-inspiring pieces. First, Nixon vs a Sabertooth Tiger:                    ak1

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!  The Sabertooth Tiger went extinct because he was put on Nixon’s enemies list. Or so the story goes anyway.

And this is just a joy:

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No further words are required are they? I mean I had a fever dream like this once after I ate three onion-lovers pizzas and a gallon of Clamato juice.

This is great, but it’s missing quit probably the greatest President of all time (or any other time as well) and THIS Pres. doesn’t need any accoutrements to beef him upPresident Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho

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 Now see – this is a REAL man. I mean, look at him in action, busting a cap from his gat (I assume this means shooting his gun, I’m a very square guy) at the State of the Union address: ak4

I’ll take this guy over bullshit Jamie Foxx from “White House Down” – both Obama and Foxx are skinny wusses that an asthmatic fat guy could crack out. I mean, look:

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You know in your heart you could take him!