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The Saturday Comics: Captain Kirk vs. Conan the Barbarian

2 May

May 2, 2014

cropped-sat-com-logo.jpg

 

Remember Power Records? Those old 45 rpm albums that came packaged with a read along comic? They were absolutely fantastic. Star Trek, superheroes, Planet of the Apes, they were a 70’s geeks dream. While doing thing on the web, I came across a great cover of a Star Trek story, The Time Stealer. This was an original story, never aired. From Memory Alpha:

Captain’s log, stardate 6134.6. The mysterious… time slow-down we’re experiencing has affected… not only every crew member on board… but all the Enterprise‘s instruments and computer banks… it’s as if… time itself were winding down… and us with it…

Spock reports that the time slowing phenomena began when the Enterprise came within three light years of the high-density energy field ahead. CaptainKirk orders Sulu to stop the engines and bring impulse power online. As they stop, Spock notes that the time slowing effect has ceased – “at least… things are getting no slower.

Kirk orders the ship turned about to put at least ten light years between them and the strange distortion. Sulu notes that an alien vessel is approaching them from the starboard. Uhura tries to raise communications with them as the viewscreen shows the ship. It has an unfamiliar shape, but appears to be a warship. A hail arrives, and the voice introduces himself as Konrac and demands their surrender. The warship then fires on the Enterprise, causing some minimal damage.

After a quick scan of the other ship, Spock notes that despite its size, there are only two lifeforms aboard. Kirk contacts Scotty and has them beam over the two beings to the Enterprise. When Spock and Kirk arrive at the transport dock, they discover Scotty slumped in a corner and Konrac on the attack. The only reason that Konrac cannot overcome Kirk is due to Kirk’s advanced combat techniques, but they are fighting to a standstill. Spock sneaks up behind the other being, a man dressed in what appear to be wizard’s robes, and uses the Vulcan nerve pinch to quickly subdue him. With that action, Konrac’s strength vanishes, and Kirk is able to easily defeat him.

In sickbay, Dr.McCoy explains that the wizard, Klee, actually is a wizard, and was using magic. As they discuss this, Sulu reports from the bridge that the time-slowdown area has moved. Konrac explains that the distortion is called a Gola and has its own orbit. He further explains that its orbit brings it in range of his planet one a regular basis, causing great problems. His civilization is as old as the Humans, but their development is still at the barbarian stages due to the time slowdown effects.

Captain’s log, supplemental. Konrac and Klee were sincere. Their entire race was counting on them to wipe out the menace that had held their culture locked in a standstill for centuries. And now they had the help of a starship!

Kirk orders Chekov to fire phasers at the Gola, and even after three direct hits, no effect can be seen, just as with the photon torpedoes fired moments before. McCoy suggests that it is because the Gola is twisting time and avoiding the weapons of the Enterprise. At the same time, Spock notes that the Gola is now an enemy with intelligence, and it is approaching them directly. Klee and Spock huddle and discuss the situation. Between the two of them, they come up with a plan to attack its mind rather than its physical form.

Klee began conjuring up mental images of his ancestors and storing them in the Enterprise computer banks. While he was doing so, Konrac tells Kirk about the origins of his culture, and that their oldest ancestors came from a planet called Earth. Before Kirk can inquire further, the Gola approaches even closer. Fortunately, Klee is prepared and launches his attack, but it is not enough. Klee and Konrac’s culture is not old enough. Spock approaches the terminal and begins to glow with the same aura as Klee and added the history of the Vulcan people, millions of years all at once. The Gola is paralyzed with the shock. Spock tells Kirk that during the attack, he could feel the mind of the Gola. They put the sounds onto the speakers and it sounds like a crying baby. Spock notes that it is searching for its parent, the sun that spawned it.

Captain’s log… stardate 6453.2. After using a long-range tractor beam to pull the Gola behind us for several days, we finally released it moments ago… as we orbited the star sun Spock’s calculations had pinpointed as the parent. All of us watched the screen in eager anticipation…

The Gola is no longer a threat, and Konrac and Klee’s world safe, and the two returned. Kirk tells Spock that something about the two still bothers him, and that they came from Earth originally, but that he knows of no records describing a culture vanishing from Earth at that time. Spock retorts, noting that he saw mental images of a sinking continent, and evacuations taking place aboard spaceships. He mentions the legend of Atlantis to which Kirk notes that he may have just solved one of the mysteries of Earth.

At this time, Power Records also had the Conan the Barbarian license, so when it was time to mock-up a cover, what easier way than to swipe some Conan art to stand in for Konrac the Barbarian?

STARTREKtimestealer

There it is, the cover that must have launched a thousand bad fanfics.

 

In Medias Res

6 Apr

April 6, 2013

I hope this caught your attention!

I hope this caught your attention!

As usual, that image has nothing to do with any upcoming posts. Sorry, Santos fans.

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride are pretty busy these days, despite only putting out one or two posts a week lately. (We are lazy too.) We are in the midst of not one but two continuing projects. Hollywood Russell will return early this week. We had hoped to have it at the end of last week, but last minute changes to the end of the tale meant changing something in part three, which was ready to go until the changes popped up. But it is done and Hollywood Russell’s stay at the lonely hotel is coming to an end. (And likely so is his relationship with Stella as well.)

Allan Keyes is also stalled in the middle of his March Madness brackets. (Can’t trust freelancers!) The shame is he is up to the best part, the best sitcom in the whole bunch. I won’t spoil it, but Keyes better get back to the keyboard soon or we’ll revoke his healthcare benefits and make him sign up for Obamacare. That’ll show him.

Also in the works is the next Imponderable about a man who really, really loves cars. The Dukes loved the General Lee and Michael Knight loved KITT, but none of them come close to this guy. He gives Love Bug a whole new meaning.

I’ve got a project that will show up down the line. I’m opening back up the archives and, courtesy of the internet, celebrating the various looks and styles of this blog through the years. Does anyone remember the old rocket logo? Or the white font on black background? It’ll be a blast from the past.

There is also more fodder coming up: I’ll be attending a chili cook-off where none other than Allan Keyes is a judge, and the very next day, The Chiller Theater Convention April 2014!

All this, I have an appointment with Abe Vigoda, and who knows what else, coming soon at bmj2k.com.