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Late Night Movie House: Rosie

22 Oct

October 22, 2013

Ladies and Gentlemen! I present to you… ROSIE!

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No, not that Rosie, that’s Roosevelt Grier, noted needlepoint enthusiast, two-headed transplant, and sportsman. He’s in a category all by himself. (BTW, remember the best scene in that film? Ray Milland, on the operating table, sees his new body and says…)

Well, OK, that’s not the best line. The best line in the film comes just a few seconds later, when Whitey looks in the mirror and says “is this some kind of joke?” but I couldn’t find that clip online.

But the awesomeness of The Thing With Two Heads notwithstanding, that’s not the Rosie I’m talking about.

THIS is the Rosie I’m talking about:

What the fu--?

What the fu–?

I know what you are thinking: “Who the what now?” Settle back, and enjoy, if you can, which I couldn’t.

rosie

Wikipedia, a dog of a website, says about this dog: Nothing! It doesn’t have an entry.

IMDB says: Nothing! It doesn’t have an entry.

TCM, which actually aired this thing over the weekend, says: No information available for this title. (AKA Nothing! It doesn’t have an entry!)

I’m going to let this speak for itself. Consider yourself lucky that this is only a partial episode. I saw the whole thing Saturday night and I still can’t get back to sleep.

But as ever, Hollywood is not one to let an old idea lie, no matter how crappy the idea. I present to you, the ripoff Rosie called Willfred!

 

Sheesh, after all this, I should go back to the original name of this feature, Late Night Movie House of Crap. I’m sure Rosie Grier would agree.

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Imponderable #113: Sydney Australia

18 Oct

October 18, 2013

“Why did the chicken cross the road?” finally has an answer.
“Because he was blind.”
And then he fell in a pool and drowned. But it was OK! Really, it all worked out fine. Read on!

chk1

Aww, poor Chooky Wooky. He must be the luckiest chicken alive. And what do you think of Chooky Wooky as a name? That’s either Chewbacca’s son in the next Star Wars movie or it is what I’m going to name my kid. I hope she likes it!

Anyway, I think this story is great. Heartwarming, really, very touching. Autistic girl, favorite pet, blind animal, rescue, and reunited. It has it all! (OK, it doesn’t have explosions, karate, or gratuitous and big-breasted female nudity but hey, it has a blind chicken, and that has to count for something.)

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This is the real-life Chooky Wooky and his new girlfriend

It took three hours of mouth-to-mouth, girl-on-chicken action to bring that fowl back to the land of the living. Good thing chickens don’t have souls or he’d be back as a zombie!

I have to wonder. Where would you draw the line? Would you perform CPR on a beloved snake? A weasel? A musk ox? Even a family’s beloved pet chicken is borderline, I’d think, given salmonella and all that. I guess it all depends on how you feel about chickens. For this I defer to George Costanza:

GEORGE: Do you think chickens have individual personalities?
KRAMER: (shivering) I don’t know.
GEORGE: If you had like five chickens could you tell them apart by just the way they acted? Or would they all just be walking around? Bak, bak, baak, bak? Cause if they have individual personalities I’m not sure we should be eaten `em.

Would you spend three hours performing CPR on a blind chicken?
The question is Imponderable.

But I would not.

Don’t you think that “Blind Chicken” would have made a great name for an old Southern blues man? Clarence “Blind Chicken” Perkins, for example. On the other hand, it also sounds like one of the Hekawi Indians on F Troop.

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