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The Saturday Comics: Gold Key Comics

3 Nov

November 3, 2012

When I was growing up it was all Marvel or DC, mostly DC. The first comic I remember owning was All-Star Comics (vol 2) # 69 and I still own it. DC and Marvel dominated the spinner racks at the local candy and grocery stores. Space was at a premium; after all there were only 4 sides, and DC and Marvel put out a lot of titles. The idea of a whole store devoted to comics was decades in the future and the direct market was not a gleam in anyone’s eye. But even so, I was aware of other comic companies. First and foremost there was Whitman. I am not aware of any details, but Whitman comics were often simply rebranded DC comic books, with the Whitman W inside the DC bullet. It might simply have been a way to get some rack space. Their other titles were, it seemed to me, cartoon titles, like Bugs Bunny. Beyond that, every once in a while, there would be some other company on the racks. Probably a mistake. Don’t know how it got there.

Those comics were from Gold Key.

Though I later found out that Whitman, Gold Key, and Dell were all somehow related publishing/distribution companies, it was Gold Key that stood out. More than anything DC or Marvel was putting out, their covers were eye-catching. They were usually gloriously (or gruesomely, depending on the title) painted action scenes. If the title was a licensed TV or movie property (like Dark Shadows or Lost in Space) they would often feature photo covers.

The stories inside were not the most imaginative. The artistic layouts were, to be generous, bland, usually six panels per page, two across, three down. The actual artwork was workmanlike and serviceable, nothing that stands out. But unlike the big companies they fought for rack space, there was an energy and imagination to them that to this day makes the two dozen or so Gold titles in my collection my favorites. I have comics based on TV properties like The Twilight Zone, Star Trek, and Dark Shadows. I have a few comics narrated by none-other than Boris Karloff. Check out the Gold Key covers below and see if you agree, that you may not be able to judge a book by its cover, but you love the cover nonetheless.

I own this one. I only wish I had it in the giant treasury size.

You might notice from the covers coming up that Gold Key seemed to have a thing for dinosaurs. And rightly so. What title doesn’t work better with dinosaurs? Even Boris Karloff got on the bandwagon.

Seriously, which of those comics would you not buy?

My Memories of Frankenstein

1 Nov

November 1, 2012

My Memories of Frankenstein

Baron Frankenstein was a lonely boy. Part of the problem was due to his name. Many people think his first name was something normal, like Victor or Fritz, or Flo Rida, but they are wrong. Baron Frankenstein’s first name was actually Baron. (Therefore, when he grew up and inherited his title, he became Baron Baron Frankenstein. Think of it this way: it is as if Queen Elizabeth named her son Prince instead of Meathead.)  Think this is too farfetched? Think again. None other than 21st Century carnival barker Donald Trump named his son Baron. Tru dat. Look it up.

Li’l Baron (Barry for short) Frankenstein had no friends. You’d think being rich and having every toy in the Barony would be enough to ensure friends, but no, it was not. Baron Frankenstein’s father, Baron Frankenstein (and this time that’s his title, not his name- see how confusing this can be?) ordered every child in the land to attend his son’s birthday parties – and they did- but he could not force them to like his son.

You see, Li’l Baron Frankenstein was a total snot, a typical whiny rich brat who would never share his toys and, to be honest, smelled a lot like the pig sty. So one the one hand he was rich, but on the other hand he was selfish. On the one hand he had every toy in the world, on the other hand he had the hygiene of Balls Mahoney.

Unable to buy a friend, and with no other recourse, the snotty Baron pledged to build his very own best friend.

His very first attempt was a cross between a chicken and his nanny and it was an utter failure.

Upon hitting puberty, the young Baron was ready to make his second attempt- a cross between his new nanny and the busty chambermaid. This went nowhere but the Baron did entice them to pose for some interesting photographs.

Eventually, the friendless Baron grew and after his father died he became a friendless Baron. (See how silly that double-meaning name is? Grr.) He had no family, no wife, his dog ran away, etc etc etc. He soon realized that the only way for him to have a friend was to start off fresh with a clean slate. He spruced himself up, cleaned off that stench that clung to him, and opened wide his castle gates for the most lavish party anyone had ever seen, earning his the good graces of his countrymen forever.

Of course he didn’t, that would be stupid. He did the logical thing- he robbed some graves and stitched together several corpses to make a single male body more lithe and muscular than you’d expect from a totally heterosexual man.

Though I did point out that he was very lonely.

Well, after that it was the same old story. Man builds man out of dead men, living dead man rebuffs man’s advances, man sulks, living dead man moves out and into his own condo.

The moral of the story is that not only can you not buy love, you cannot build a living dead man out of the corpses of many dead man and expect it to like you.

So what happened to Baron Frankenstein?
The question is Imponderable.

HA HA, couldn’t help myself (a little inside joke there, click on the Imponderable link above, plug plug.)

Seriously, Baron Frankenstein one day did find love, albeit with a frog named Jessup who claimed to be an enchanted prince.

The undead creation of the Baron lives to this day, though he now goes by the name of Ben Bernanke.