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American Chopper: OCC Is Back On CMT

19 Nov

November 19, 2013

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I guess television hasn’t had enough of the Teutuls. Not long after American Chopper was canceled, here comes Orange County Choppers on CMT, Country Music Television. (Discovery/TLC owns the American Chopper name.)

From all appearances, this is the exact same show, with fake builds, stupid pranks, lots of bellowing, and that same idiot designer. The only difference is that Paulie seems to have had the good sense to keep PJD out of this nonsense. (I’m assuming he was asked, of course.)

So since this is no longer technically American Chopper. I need a new logo.

occ rundown

Um, I going to have to work on that.

For the record, this seems to be their real logo:

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See that dopey-looking dragon bike? We’ll get back to it.

As I said, this seems like the exact same show. While I did not (and will not) watch the first episode, I did see clips and previews online. What did I see? Jason smashing a door down and grinning like a mental patient at his dragon drawing. In fact, someone seems to think so highly of that doofus that when I clicked on show info I saw this:

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And that picture is enough for me. Someone seems to think that people like him, yet all the analytics I see show that people search for “Jason Pohl idiot,” “Jason Pohl fired,” and “Jason Pohl asshole” far more than “Jason Pohl funny” (zero searches) and “Jason Pohl genius” (zero searches.)

Remember, he is nothing more than a cartoonist. How many times did Rick Petko say that his designs were unrealistic? More than once Mike Ammirati had to redesign Pohl’s plans because they were unworkable. And this dragon bike? I’m sure it was cool when I was 13.  Looks totally uncomfortable to ride. So let’s see what he says for himself in his online bio:

jpocc4“Pohlie?” He really makes this easy, doesn’t he?

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Um, that’s not a prank, Pohlie. It is impossible to play a joke on an inanimate object.

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No, your most annoying habit is being a kiss-ass toadie to Paul Senior.

Anyway, if you miss American Chopper I really do recommend that you watch this show. You won’t see PJD or Paulie, Vinnie or Cody, and surely not Mikey, but you will see Paul Sr, the real train wreck of the show in the first place. Will I follow the show? Will I do weekly recaps? Nope, but I will check in from time to time, when I’m feeling in need of something less painful than a root canal, but worse than a splinter in the eyeball.

Allan Keyes Is Angry About Commercial Stupidity

18 Nov

November 18, 2013

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One of my favorite pastimes is going outside and yelling at the clouds. I mean look at them – acting all sexy and seductive, the teases! It’s enough to make me want to take a knife and slash slash slash…..but anyway, my court-appointed therapist informed me that that sort of behavior will be frowned upon by the judge. So as a sort of substitute, I watch TV and yell about the commercials instead. Here’s one that really grinds my gears:

“A HOTDOG MAKES ME LOSE CONTROL”

At first, this one really REALLY irritated me. I mean look – it assumes that a fairly attractive (in a severe way) wife is dumb enough to believe that her husband is openly flirting with the donut girl right in front of her. And that’s an annoying proposition – I HATE HATE HATE commercials that are stupid to the point of insulting. But the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I mean look, I can’t count how many times I’ve been out with the wife getting lunch (we like to eat) and I take one look at the sandwich artist girl (or guy) making my turkey club and just blurt out “DAMN! I LIKES ME SOME ‘O DAT ASS!” right in front of her.

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I mean, yeah it takes about 20 minutes to convince her that I mean pASStrami but still, I can relate.

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There is one other thing I want to mention – get a look at that “sausage” – it’s a split hotdog. If you find that kind of crap tasty, you deserve to be cursed with a wife who’ll throw down over a donut girl.

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Mr. Blog Asks: Are they that cheap that they couldn’t afford a round patty? 

On a related note, this comes up on youtube as the “STUPIDEST COMMERCIAL EVER”

Hard to disagree really.