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Pro Wrestling Smackaround! Grudge Match!

2 Jul

July 2, 2015

And here we go! World Wrestling Congress action is coming to you live tonight from the General Custer High School auditorium in Auxvasse, Missouri! We have a sold out crowd of 983! The whole town is here!

They haven’t had a crowd like this since the general store burned down.

That’s right! I’m Chuck McGonagall and with me as always is my partner, Luscious Lenny Brown.

And I love you all! Tonight’s show is brought to you by The Egg Hutch on Route 3. Come on in for some eggs!

I had one this morning, It was pretty good. Well fans, we have some awesome action tonight. In our main event, General Duke Rightwing is taking on The Conscientious Dissenter. Duke doesn’t take too kindly to The Dissenter’s new Canadian allegiance.

That’s right Chuck. There’s no love lost there. If General Rightwing wins, he’s going to make The Dissenter enlist in the army.

Wow! Also on the card is a Missouri Brawl Battle. 13 men enter the ring at the same time. The first one to stack the others in a human pyramid and climb to the top and grab the flag hanging above the center of the ring wins.

Oooh! I’ve never seen that before!

You get all the best action in the WWC! Some of our biggest stars are already entered. Big Little Smalls and Mr. Graceful are itching to go, and I heard a rumor that WWC Interstate Champion David Letterman Junior is in the arena.

Whoa!

We’ll also see tag team action with Bip and Bop taking on The Filipino Coal Miners, and Bucky “The Rich Man’s Mojo” Mathers will team with La Ardila against Robot 1 and Robot 4.

I can’t wait! Let’s go to the ring, our first match is about to begin. It’s a rematch from last week’s pay per view, Stairway to Amazing. Surfer Boy is taking on Mr. Surfing in a Catch the Wave match. I hope you have your towel ready Chuck! I don’t even know what that means!

wwc surfing

I’m Worried About Pete Rose

16 Apr

April 16, 2015

Here’s the increasingly doughy Pete Rose in his latest commercial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ophRMLuYa_o

I’m worried. Why can’t Pete be in the hall? Is he going to get lost? Wander upstairs? Get attacked by ninjas?

Is he going to get confused by all that white carpet? Take batting practice and break a lamp? Slip into the Twilight Zone?

OK, before you start thinking I don’t get it, I know very well that it is a play on Pete not being allowed in the Hall of Fame. (And rightly so. That’s what he gets for picking a fight with Bud Harrelson in the 73 NLCS.) But this commercial is so stupid! He’s not allowed in the hallway in his own home?

Is this an indication that Pete has dementia? Early onset Alzheimer’s? Does Pete need constant supervision? Is Pete liable to end up lost in the backyard?

I’m worried about Pete Rose.