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Fun With Teh Internets: Quick Hits

28 Jan

January 28, 2013

keyes1.jpg

I’m contractually obligated to Mr. B for one page of stuff per week. This week, I couldn’t quite put all of the rage I feel into one coherent piece, so I’m taking the easy way out and going all stream of consciousness and stuff…..ok, I’m half-assing it really, but let’s all be honest here – my full-assed efforts probably aren’t much better!

This Commercial Annoys Me….

Let’s get this straight.  The flying waitresses are incredulous about…… a phone app. NOT a talking, intelligent pig. About an app that is actually so common, everyone has at least one.  Some commercials are so stupid as to insult the viewer. This is one such commercial. You can ask Mr. Blog, I often watch commercials so mind-numbingly stupid that I basically put a fatwah on everyone involved with it in any way.

 Speaking of Annoying….
Nobody ruins a baseball game like FOX.  ESPN is close, but FOX sets the bar lowest. And the main reason for that is loudmouth Tim McCarver. I’ve never listened to anyone as unknowledgeable about baseball as him, and that includes Joe Morgan and my 3 yr. old cousin. There’s a reason he was fired by BOTH the Mets and Yanks. I remember one inane thing he must’ve said about twenty times during the ’85 season – something he thought was the height of wit. “Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?” To which I always answered the television with “die.”  I plan on outliving this clown for spite.

mccarver

What I’m Watching….

They may not look like much, but these are REAL men. They gave up their lives and families and basically headed to Alaska to strike it rich mining for gold:

gold rush

Of course, these guys are also kind of screw-ups in a lot of ways. They don’t know what they’re doing so it’s always one problem or another with them. That said, it’s fascinating to watch the process, the machinery, and just to see how much effort goes into finding even one ounce of precious, precious gold. And “Dakota Fred” – a crusty old miner who doesn’t take any guff – makes this show. Highly recommended!

Most Hardcore Father Ever….

MR. BTR SAYS: Keyes better stop ripping off my Imponderable gimmick!

MR. BTR SAYS: Keyes better stop ripping off my Imponderable gimmick!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2258877/Chinese-father-hires-virtual-hitman-kill-son-online-games–job.html

It’s not quite what you think. Basically, poor Mr. Feng’s son was a layabout no-account lazy bum who wouldn’t tear himself away from his video games long enough to get a job. So he did what any loving father would do: hired better players to constantly find his son’s presence online and kill him straightaway on the premise that if he kept getting pwn3d like a noob, he’d quit and find a job and become productive member of the ruling party.  Of course, the plan didn’t work out, but it was a worthy try. I’d have just smashed the computer myself, but Dif’rent Strokes (RIP Conrad Bain) and such.

What I’m Reading….

Books? What are those?????

My Review of Pete Rose: Hits and Mrs.

22 Jan

January 22, 2013

Of the unlikely reality stars, and there are a great many, Pete Rose is probably the least likely. And perhaps also the least likeable. Pete Rose has been out of the spotlight for years. He is best known for being banned for life from baseball and the Baseball Hall of Fame. A degenerate gambler, not only did he bet on sports as a player and as a manager, and not only did he bet on baseball, but he even bet on his own team, violating all kinds of MLB rules. Although he claims he only bet on his team to win and not lose, I and many others do not believe him for a second.

On the one hand, it is a shame he bet on baseball because he was a sure-thing Hall-of-Famer.

Career stats:
BA: 303                 Hits: 4,256           RBI: 1,314

Partial Career highlights and awards:
3 time World Series champion
NL MVP
World Series MVP
3 time National League Batting Champion
17 time All-Star
2 time Gold Glove Award
MLB Record 4,256 career hits

But on the other hand he has never been considered a nice guy by, well, anyone, and he lied for years and years about gambling on baseball when the evidence was so overwhelming that it became almost Lance Armstrongian in arrogance. So I am not too upset that he is out of baseball.

Plus as a Met fan I can’t forget the brawl he started with Bud Harrelson in the 73 NLCS.

So why does this man rate a reality show? Because he has a new, much younger attractive Asian wife and is raising her two kids. That’s it.

I had no idea this show existed and found, by accident, the second episode, which I watched with growing amazement. Pete is generally motionless, spending most of the episode sitting down or standing in one place. He is not easy to look at, resembling the bad guys at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.             death_by_face_melting
On the other hand, the network gets a lot of shots of his much younger wife, former Playboy model Kiana Kim.

Pete Rose wife

Granted, this was a few years ago, but I still have no idea how a lump like Pete Rose caught her.

In the episode I saw, Pete’s stepson Ashton joined the first day of Pete Rose’s youth baseball camp. He didn’t want to, preferring to stay home and play video games, but he’s Pete Rose’s son and how would it look if he didn’t play baseball? (In reality, Pete Rose’s biological son, Pete Rose Junior, was a career minor leaguer with a lifetime batting average of .143.)

So he went and Pete started off by giving the team a pep talk. Not only do I assume this has been edited, but I am hoping that it has been edited because this is the worst pep talk I have ever heard.

This begs an interesting question. Did they edit this to make it worse? It is horrible, and makes Pete sound like a total jerk. If this was edited to improve his speech, how much worse could it have been? I want to see that raw footage!

Later in that episode his stepdaughter, who is only 13 or 14, had a pool party. Pete spent the afternoon slouched in a deck chair bellowing questions to the young boys in the pool, like “what are your intentions toward my daughter?” and “you have a job yet?”

Honestly, that’s where I bailed out. I could not make it the rest of the way through the show. 20 minutes of this was enough. In fact, there has only been one thing in Pete’s whole life that has interested me, and it is almost as inexplicable as this awful reality show.

The best part comes at 1:18.