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Groucho Marx, circa 1976-1977

16 Dec

December 16, 2010

The 1970’s were a great time to be Groucho Marx.

Unless you were Groucho Marx.

Groucho died on August 18, 1977, at the age of 86. By all accounts he was unhappy in his personal life, although his career had undergone a celebratory resurgence. By some accounts, he may have been a bit senile. It was generally understood then as well as now that he was being pushed past the point of what was physically good for his health by his much younger companion, Erin Fleming. Groucho, thrice divorced, was 86. Fleming was 35. By the 1980’s, several lawsuits brought against her by the Marx estate were settled in the estate’s favor, including a payment of nearly a half million dollars to Arthur Marx, Groucho’s son.

While Groucho’s health was on a downswing, leaving the comedian thin and gaunt, his voice nearly a whisper, his image and humor had become a cultural touchstone. Some of the biggest stars of the biggest sitcoms of the 1970’s were huge fans and it was not unusual for Groucho and Marx Brothers impressions to turn up on television. Groucho had become a cultural touchstone for a new generation who discovered him in late night movies.


From M*A*S*H, episode Yankee Doodle Doctor:
 

 

Alan Alda, Gary Burghoff, Marcia Strassman, Wayne Rogers

From All in the Family, episode Where’s Archie? part 1:

 

Rob Reiner, Betty Garrett, Jean Stapleton

Welcome Back Kotter featured Gabe Kaplan’s Groucho impression in nearly every episode, and Robert Hegyes patterned his performance on Chico. Here are the two of them portraying the Brothers on stage for Gabe Kaplan’s Groucho stage show.

Gabe Kaplan, Robert Hegyes

While Groucho seemed to be all over television, at least in the form of his persona, the real Groucho was set to make a guest appearance on Welcome Back Kotter. Kotter, it should be noted, also starred Marcia Strassman, who was part of the Yankee Doodle Doctor M*A*S*H hijinks a few years earlier. Now just a few months before his death, Groucho had to be helped onto the Kotter set, where the audience, expecting the grease paint mustache, duck walk, and rapid-fire zingers of his younger days did not recognize him and even the cast was shocked by his appearance. Robert Hegyes, especially, was affected, wondering aloud how he could go on with the show and do his usual Chico Marx impression after seeing Groucho that way. The cameo was nixed and only a few publicity photos were taken with the cast. However, Groucho’s appearance was so disturbing that the pictures have never been released.

Groucho’s last appearance, one year previously at age 85, was a one and a half-minute sketch with George Burns (then 80 years old himself) on a 1976 Bob Hope television special. The program demonstrated with both perfect genius and utter sadness the two sides of Groucho in the 1970’s. On the one hand we see the real, frail Groucho, sitting on a chair and feeding straight lines to George Burns in a raspy whisper. On the other hand is Billy Barty, dressed as Groucho in his prime, wearing grease paint features, smoking a cigar, and chasing women. It seems that the producers felt that without Barty in the sketch as Groucho “as a young boy” no one would recognize the real Groucho Marx.

Check the sketch out here, at about the 18:20 mark, until YouTube takes it down again.

hope, burns, marx

Groucho had lived long enough to be eclipsed by his own legend. A legend which, unlike Groucho, had not aged in 40 years.

Thank you, Captain Spaulding. Goodbye, Doctor Hackenbush. Rest in Peace Rufus T. Firefly. This is how we’ll remember you:

I Bet He Has a Secret Decoder Ring Too.

13 Dec

December 13, 2010

Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.

Well, maybe not. You can’t trust The Simpsons on everything. OK, they got that whole Al Gore/Kang and Kodos conspiracy right, but they totally screwed up the Comic Book Guy/Milhouse/Al-Queda connection.

But there are things that man, as a point of history, has yearned to do and failed. Alchemy aimed to turn lead into gold. Think about it. Really give that some thought. Turning lead into gold would ruin the economy more than the Federal Reserve has already done. If all lead turned into gold, can you imagine how expensive a simple pencil would be? Of course, you’d never buy one because you couldn’t write with it, and without a reliable #2 lead pencil, there goes all the standardized testing in our schools, right out the window.

So maybe that isn’t such a bad thing.

Alchemy isn’t all man has yearned for. Immortality. The secret to eternal life. Walt Disney, whose frosty frozen head allegedly sits in a vault far below the “It’s a Small World” ride wasn’t the first man to want to live forever, nor will he be the last. While science hasn’t yet reached the point of achieving immortality, it has prolonged the average human lifespan, making your choice of nursing home vitally important because you will be spending an awfully long time there.

Which brings us to Nursultan Nazarabyev, the President of Kazakhstan. (Not to be confused with Nursultan Nazarabyev, P.I., Wednesdays on CBS.) If you are anything like me you thought that Borat guy was the President of Kazakhstan, but it turns out that this surly-looking fellow is in charge.

This man must be stopped.

Can you imagine the horrors of immortality? Rich uncles who never die and leave you anything in their wills. Spinster aunts who drop by for Christmas and never leave. Literally, never leave.  Living the next thousand years and seeing the Mets blow it season after season after season. Immortality is an appalling thought.

I suppose that, living in Kazakhstan, there isn’t much else to worry about. The secret of life, kissing frogs to turn them in handsome princes, magic beans, these must all be pretty important over there too.

Of course, if I were already 70 years old, I might have some pressing concerns as well.

Like getting out of Kazakhstan. This poor guy, I can only imagine how he would spend the rest of his immortal life- anywhere but Kazakhstan. That’s why he wants immortality. It is a do-over, a chance to live a life anywhere but Kazakhstan. Like I said, I saw Borat. I know Kazakhstan.

Maybe I am wrong. Perhaps Kazakhstan is an Eden where the President flies on a unicorn and wields a flaming sword. I wouldn’t want to leave that paradise either.

The paradise… of KAZAKHSTAN.