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Snappy Answers to Stupid Celebrity Headlines

16 Feb

February 16, 2011, mid-day

I’ve been a fan of the snappy answers to CNN’s stupid questions over at skinner.fm. In fact, they inspired me to do a special mid-day edition of The Tepid Ride. My apologies. That means there will be six blogs this week instead of five. I hope your schedule (and your stomach) can handle it.

Here are my Snappy Answers to Stupid Celebrity Headlines, with all due respect to Mad magazine, whose Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions inspired the name of this blog. (OK, I ripped it off.)

“I’ve been drunk and high in my limo, in a hotel room, on an airplane, while riding a bull, in the street, on my roof, with Bill Clinton, on the set, but I have never been a Civil War reenactor.”

Yeah, me too.

Who better than a man who spends his life around other sweaty men and in stinky locker rooms to know what smells good?

“I spend hours looking for the perfect location, getting the right light, and picking out the right swimsuit, but mostly I just put a tiny bikini on a hot girl with big boobs.”

Third Eye Blinded.

11 Feb

February 11, 2011

Remember my recent post about the guy who had an ear grafted to his arm? Not to be outdone, here is a story about a guy who had a camera implanted in the back of his head. It turns out that this surgery didn’t work out so well. His body rejected the camera and this attempt at do-it-yourself bionics had to be removed. It just goes to show that while this guy’s brain is stupid as mush, mother nature is still watching over him. Me? I say leave the thing in and let Darwinism take its course.

From the Department of Couldn’t He Just Stick A Camera On His Hat?:

Obviously he has room for a camera in his head because his brain is three sizes too small. I just wonder how much government funding we give him, because I demand a refund.