Archive | January, 2014

Oh! How Awkward!

29 Jan

January 29, 2014

I was very disappointed watching the State of The Union address tonight. No, I don’t mean the usual disappointment all of us have in the President, I mean that in all the years of my life, watching live political addresses, I have not once, not ever, seen a politician let out a wicked fart live on television. This opera singer may be as close as I get.

sing1

For some reason, all I can think of is Margaret Dumont. She would have made the perfect diva for this story. Prim, proper, and never, ever prone to flatulence.

groucho fart scene

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In other words…

28 Jan

January 28, 2014

Architects are not known for their grammar. Mainly they grunt, with a flat pencil gripped between their teeth. But I think they should speak up a little more, since they could really help out the lexicon.

You’ve all heard the expression “as long as you live under my roof… ,” and I’m sure you’ve heard some variation of “it won’t leave these four walls.” But what about the floor? Wouldn’t it be just as accurate to say “as long as you live on top of my floor?” Or if you have someone in your basement, how about “as long as you are on top of my foundation?” I’m sure architects can do a lot to spice up English. What about an expression featuring joists? A witty pun on the flying buttress? How about a simple exclamation centered around the insulating properties of fiberglass? Heck, I’d settle for a simple spackle saying.

Get a move on, architects. We need you.

Let's face it. Mike Brady wasn't much of an architect....

Let’s face it. Mike Brady wasn’t much of an architect….

...but he had a heck of a perm.

…but he had a heck of a perm.