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American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior: Mikey’s Art Opening

25 Apr

April 25, 2011

American Chopper: Senior vs. Junior returned last night.

Let’s recap what came before.

Paulie and Senior fought, a lot. Sr. got fed up with his son’s laziness, Jr. got fed up with his father’s constant abuse, Junior ended up leaving OCC and, after a no-compete period, founded his own bike company, Paul Junior Designs. What did he do during the no-compete time? Not much. He tried to push a line of doggie toys but that went nowhere. He started his own bike company, brought in Vinnie to do the real work, and brother Mikey came along for the ride. Along for Mikey’s ride was his new personal assistant, who happens to be blind so Mikey is really his assistant’s assistant. He also set up an art studio inside the shop after he failed to become an adult and live on his own.

Senior kept rolling along, meaning that he badmouthed Paulie at every turn to random strangers. The lawsuit between them continued to drag on. Paulie owns 20% of OCC and Senior wants to buy it at market value, which he cleverly contends is zero. Paulie shot back with “if the business is worthless sell it to me.” Senior didn’t bite.

Notable events were Paulie firing the bad-attitude kid, Odie, and Mikey breaking an expensive prototype on loan to PJD. Paulie got married and Senior didn’t attend the wedding. Jason “fan favorite” Pohl got married and Senior did attend the wedding. And for all the people who thought that Odie and Cody were the same guy, Paulie brought in Cody who worked rings around Odie.

Mikey tried to reconcile with his father but kept adding new conditions, that last one being that Senior must see a relationship counselor. He did, but Mikey decided that he only did it as a condition to a reunion and not from his heart so he nixed it. He’s like Linus in the pumpkin patch looking for sincerity or the Great Pumpkin won’t show up.

And the most likeable member of the show, Gus the dog, died.

That should bring you up to speed.

The new episode picks up right where that left off. OCC had recently launched a second lawsuit against Paulie because, they allege, Joe used OCC contacts to get business for PJD. Paulie’s lawyer assured him that it was unfounded and he had nothing to worry about. We’ll see.

As far as the bikes go, PJD was contacted by NFL’er Jared Allen to make a bike for his Homes for Wounded Warriors charity. They build houses for wounded vets. This is going to be the third or fourth military-themed bike we’ve seen on American Chopper so we’ll see how it goes.

And how is it going so far? Depends on who you ask. Brendon is doing most of the fabrication and he’s working from Junior’s vision. I say “vision” and not “designs” because there are no designs. Brendon is doing it all according to whatever Paulie feels like at the moment. So when Paulie had a new idea to taper the tank, which was nearly fabricated, Brendon had to cut it in half and go back to work on it. I’m not saying the bike won’t come out nice but is that the best way to work? Who knows what is going to pop into Paulie’s mind next?

Over on the OCC side, the company was contacted by Supernatural Cymbals, who make high-end brass cymbals. (I bet you guessed it from the name.) They came in with a fairly specific vision and while OCC did a great job on the bike, it is worth noting that Supernatural micro-managed them a bit. The bike was black and brass and featured wheels that looked like cymbals, covers that looked like cymbals, pretty much cymbals wherever they would fit.

In something I give them a lot of credit for, OCC built a forge and melted down some brass, which they them cast into a headlight. That was a very nice touch.

Supernatural is, for no reason I can fathom, big fans of the OCC band, and donated some new instruments to Christian, the band’s drummer. This was a big show for Christian as Senior decided that Christian was ready to do an unveil himself. Seriously, how hard are the unveils? We’ve seen a hundred on this show and all Senior does is ride the bike out and say a lot of “idears” and “this is a really cool bike.” Anyway, in the words of Paul Senior, “he’s ready.” I wonder what the criteria were?

BTW- For those keeping score, Jason Pohl got name-checked about 6 minutes in and was seen wandering around behind “Free Rick!” Petko a couple of minutes later. Thankfully, that was all we saw of him this week.

The big deal this episode was the opening of Mikey’s gallery. Yes, seriously, he opened a gallery in what appeared to be an old barn to showcase his art. He told Vinnie and Paulie and went back to finger-painting. Honestly, he was finger-painting.

To promote the show they went back to local radio and on the Fat Guy with the Wheezy Voice Show. I’m sure he has a name but I wasn’t motivated enough to look. It didn’t take long to get around to the subject of their father and his big advice? “Just enjoy yourselves.” Genius. Dr. Laura he isn’t.

So Mikey, after weeks of trying to find the right way to reconcile with his father, didn’t invite him, deciding that it wouldn’t be the right time. I’m dying to know what the right time would be but I’m not going to wait a lifetime to find out. Senior, upon being told about the gallery, decided that he wasn’t going to go if he wasn’t invited, but if he was invited he wouldn’t have gone anyway. He would have gone later though, when Mikey wasn’t around, just to see the art. And likely to badmouth it too.

We got to see Mikey’s art all together, displayed on the walls of his own art gallery and words cannot describe it.

Yes they can: TOTAL SHIT.

They were reminiscent of the scribblings of a distressed monkey. There was nothing artistic about any of it. Much of the “artwork” was indistinguishable from the drop cloths Mikey stood upon to make the paintings. Others resembled bad fifth-grade art projects that even parents are ashamed to put on their refrigerator.

But I was impressed that Mikey wore a suit. He really looked presentable.

The Orange County Chamber Of Commerce was over the moon that another business opened up to stimulate the local economy and pay property taxes. They described Mikey as a “breath of fresh air” and someone who “dares to be different.”

I looked to see if Mikey’s legally blind assistant was there. I didn’t see him but to be fair, he wouldn’t have seen me either.

The emotional hook of the show came when a father and son visited both Paulie and Paul Senior. The father had the same bad relationship with his son that the Teutuls have. The father was diagnosed with cancer, terminal, and he traveled to cold upstate New York to get the Teutuls back together. He wanted them to learn from him and make peace before it is too late. It was his dying wish.

What did Senior take from the emotional visit?
That he already did his “due diligence” about reconciliation and that “maybe it will change Paulie’s thinking.”  

I hope the old guy isn’t clinging to that as his last hope.

I Found it on eBay! For The Third Time!

25 Apr

April 25, 2011

I guess I spend too much time on eBay. Of course, spending time on eBay isn’t the problem, spending money is. My last two purchases were Dark Shadows volume 26 (the final one, so my marathon is nearing the finish line) and a small Gumby. However, there are many items that are far more useless than a small Gumby. I know that sounds impossible but here are some that I stumbled upon recently.

Yep, expired coupons, and there are a lot more than you’d expect for sale. Especially if you are like me and expected none.

The description went on to explain that many stores don’t look too closely at coupons and their scanners aren’t always up to date so maybe you can use these. I say that if you are going to commit coupon fraud just for a can of beans then they better be magic beans. Anyway, I’m not sure that intentionally using expired coupons is a crime and if it is, it isn’t in the same class as incest or menacing but it certainly stinks of lowlife. How much can a can of cat food cost? After you factor in the 99 cents you spent on the coupon are you really getting a good deal? This is for greater (cheaper) minds than me to ponder.

And speaking of good deals, I need to tell you that shipping is free with this one. As the description states, “it was my bad.” This is a stained shirt, already worn, that a pen exploded on and the lower half, which the picture does not show, is mostly covered in blue ink.

So strike one, it is a worn t-shirt, and strike two, it has a big stain. Who wants to buy this? Someone seems to since it has two bids. Someone actually bid a penny for this. This is no kind of bargain because when it arrives you are likely going to wonder “how drunk was I?” and then throw it away. And how desperate is the seller to get rid of it that he is going to sell it for a penny and lose money on the shipping? Just throw it out! It isn’t valuable, rare, or vintage. Reality check: it is a worn, stained shirt. Happy bidding!

OK, I’ll go there. It looks like vomit. Someone you don’t know made this at home and you are going to rub it all over your face? You get what you deserve.

And here’s one for the ladies.

It is a pair of men’s underwear turned into a woman’s top. Stop right there, that’s already enough for Fashion Week, but to add the witty phrase “you can see who wears the pants in this family”? Genius. And wrong. Because clearly the man wears the pants in the family if he can make you wear that monstrosity. Technically, you wear the underpants in the family. Think about it. If you bid on this you are saying that yes, you want to walk around wearing a pair of underwear for a top. There is a Jeff Foxworthy joke in here somewhere. Move along.

I love this one. I am a fan of vintage photos but I found this when I searched “missing head.” You never know what will turn up.

They had me at the description. “Fatty w/ camera missing his head vintage snapshot photo.” And the picture? A fat guy with a camera from the torso down. Look at it for awhile. We can only see one hand but I bet the other is holding an ice cream cone. I imagine him wearing some 1950’s/60’s touristy hat. In fact, I’m imagining Jackie Gleason from Don’t Drink the Water.

Want it? You can buy it on eBay for $7.92.

Need more eBay finds? Check out
I Found it on eBay!
I Found it (And More!) on eBay!

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