Tag Archives: deals

The Blackest Friday Yet

29 Nov

November 29, 2014

It was completely against my principles, not to mention against my will, which I considered writing during the ordeal.

“I should have listened to my father’s advice. I should have listened to my father.” Of course, I HAD listened to Dad’s advice. This was the first time in all my 43 years I’d gone shopping on Black Friday. Even worse- this was Thursday night.

And it still gets worse- the store was Kohl’s, a store I dislike because of their overpriced clothes and slow cashiers. But I have to be fair- they do sell good t-shirts, if you ignore the fact that while the graphics are cool, the material is thinner than your average piece of lint.

We ended up in Kohl’s only because I refused to wait in line at Best Buy. The line stretched and snaked around the store and stupid as I felt to be shopping on Black Friday Thursday, no way was I going to lower myself to the level of the motley group standing in the cold for a phone that would be obsolete before I got it out of the box.

I can’t tell you what exactly we went to Kohl’s for- pots? Pillows? The heck of it?- but we ended up with two entirely separate and distinct blenders (which seem to do the same jobs except one blends directly in a cup from the bottom and the other blends directly in a cup from the top) and a Pyrex cooking set. I also picked up a headache and some aggravation, but that was free, no standing in line, which was good, since it was the standing in line that gave me much of the aggravation.

The Modern Depression. Yes, I've used this joke before.

The Modern Depression. Yes, I’ve used this joke before.

The people in front of us had about 108 ugly coats in their wagon, and each one was examined in minute detail, which included holding them up to the light and various family members trying to see the light through the sleeves. I’m not sure what the point of it was, unless it was to see if the sleeves could double as telescope cozies, but that operation was the subject of a great deal of non-English debate. I bring up the fact that they spoke no English not to be biased, but to make you understand why, when the store employees would occasionally ask them to move up, the line was now 20 feet ahead of them, they looked at the employee with complete non-understanding until the employee pointed and waved. And this happened at least four times.

We left, and none of us could find my car in the parking lot. It took almost ten minutes to find it, and when we did, everyone agreed that it was not where we had left it. I, however, know for a fact that it was, because getting in I soaked my foot steeping in the same deep puddle I stepped in getting out.

Next year I stay home and, in honor of my Dad, fall asleep on the couch watching TV.




I Found it on eBay! For The Third Time!

25 Apr

April 25, 2011

I guess I spend too much time on eBay. Of course, spending time on eBay isn’t the problem, spending money is. My last two purchases were Dark Shadows volume 26 (the final one, so my marathon is nearing the finish line) and a small Gumby. However, there are many items that are far more useless than a small Gumby. I know that sounds impossible but here are some that I stumbled upon recently.

Yep, expired coupons, and there are a lot more than you’d expect for sale. Especially if you are like me and expected none.

The description went on to explain that many stores don’t look too closely at coupons and their scanners aren’t always up to date so maybe you can use these. I say that if you are going to commit coupon fraud just for a can of beans then they better be magic beans. Anyway, I’m not sure that intentionally using expired coupons is a crime and if it is, it isn’t in the same class as incest or menacing but it certainly stinks of lowlife. How much can a can of cat food cost? After you factor in the 99 cents you spent on the coupon are you really getting a good deal? This is for greater (cheaper) minds than me to ponder.

And speaking of good deals, I need to tell you that shipping is free with this one. As the description states, “it was my bad.” This is a stained shirt, already worn, that a pen exploded on and the lower half, which the picture does not show, is mostly covered in blue ink.

So strike one, it is a worn t-shirt, and strike two, it has a big stain. Who wants to buy this? Someone seems to since it has two bids. Someone actually bid a penny for this. This is no kind of bargain because when it arrives you are likely going to wonder “how drunk was I?” and then throw it away. And how desperate is the seller to get rid of it that he is going to sell it for a penny and lose money on the shipping? Just throw it out! It isn’t valuable, rare, or vintage. Reality check: it is a worn, stained shirt. Happy bidding!

OK, I’ll go there. It looks like vomit. Someone you don’t know made this at home and you are going to rub it all over your face? You get what you deserve.

And here’s one for the ladies.

It is a pair of men’s underwear turned into a woman’s top. Stop right there, that’s already enough for Fashion Week, but to add the witty phrase “you can see who wears the pants in this family”? Genius. And wrong. Because clearly the man wears the pants in the family if he can make you wear that monstrosity. Technically, you wear the underpants in the family. Think about it. If you bid on this you are saying that yes, you want to walk around wearing a pair of underwear for a top. There is a Jeff Foxworthy joke in here somewhere. Move along.

I love this one. I am a fan of vintage photos but I found this when I searched “missing head.” You never know what will turn up.

They had me at the description. “Fatty w/ camera missing his head vintage snapshot photo.” And the picture? A fat guy with a camera from the torso down. Look at it for awhile. We can only see one hand but I bet the other is holding an ice cream cone. I imagine him wearing some 1950’s/60’s touristy hat. In fact, I’m imagining Jackie Gleason from Don’t Drink the Water.

Want it? You can buy it on eBay for $7.92.

Need more eBay finds? Check out
I Found it on eBay!
I Found it (And More!) on eBay!

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