Archive | December, 2010

S’no Thanks, Mayor Bloomberg

29 Dec

December 29, 2010

NYC has been hit by a blizzard. Here in my part of Brooklyn, we had about 20 inches of snow drop on us. According to Mayor Bloomberg, New York’s aloof three-term plutocrat, things are rosy.

“The world has not come to an end,” he said. “The city’s going on. Many people are taking the day off. Most stores are open. There’s no reason for anybody to panic.”


Panic? Perhaps I should point out that I live on the intersection of two main streets and neither one is clear. In fact, one avenue is nearly untouched by plows and cars need to crawl around each other like ants to get by, while dodging pedestrians in the streets. No one is able to get around. People are risking their lives simply going outside.

“Yelling about it and complaining doesn’t help,” Bloomberg said. “I think you can expect another 24 hours before we will get to everyone and even then I’m not so sure.”

How reassuring. That’s leadership?

Well, the Mayor’s 24 hours have come and gone and nearly no plows have come by. The streets are impassable. But who is at fault? According to the Mayor, we are.

“Too many ambulances went down blocked streets, for example,” Bloomberg said. “What they should’ve done was stay at the corner of the main street and then walked down or struggled through the snow to get down, because once the ambulance got in it couldn’t get out.”

[This reporter] witnessed one ambulance doing precisely what the mayor wanted. It stopped on a main street so that EMTs could walk down snow-covered side street to assist someone. But in the process their ambulance blocked traffic, including a snow plow.

This is ass-backwards. Instead of the snow causing the bad conditions so the ambulance was unable to get by, the ambulance is at fault for causing the bad conditions that got the ambulance stuck in the first place. And I am sure it is a great idea for EMT’s to be hauling elderly heart attack victims over five foot snow drifts for an entire city block.

But don’t worry, I’m sure Mayor Bloomberg feels our pain

“When we clear your block,” he warned, “don’t get out and start shoveling snow back out there.”

Bloomberg said all the Broadway shows are going on and suggested that New Yorkers should venture out to see one.

Really? HOW? Mr. Mayor, I can’t get to Broadway! The roads are impossible to drive on, and none of the trains in South Brooklyn are running! HOW CAN I GET TO A BROADWAY SHOW? I can’t get to the bagel store across the street! I wish this guy would get his head out of his ass.

Of course, the City is working on it. Watch this wonderful video.

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The Infamous Case of The Joker’s Boner

28 Dec

December 28, 2010

Wonder Woman, Lois Lane. Jimmy Olsen. As we’ve seen, Superman has a pretty diverse circle of friends. One is an Amazonian princess who rides a skateboard. Another is a woman who locks her head in a safe, and the third is some sort of hybrid monkey boy.

Next up is the world-famous crime-fighter, Batman. Oh, in this era he wasn’t exactly the  Dark Knight we all know now. Back in the 1940’s and 50’s Batman tended to be a bit, um goofy. And possibly a repressed homosexual. In the panels reprinted below, the Joker, upset that Gotham City laughed at his boner, decides to get Batman to pull his own boner and thus, well, maybe you should just read for yourself.

This story exists on the net mostly as single panels. A few are missing, mostly ones that don’t use the word “boner.” I’ve put them together as best I can. So here we go, back to the glory days of comic books, where every kid dreamed of reading about a big boner.

And there you go. The Joker pulled his boner, Batman pulled his boner, I bet even Robin went off and pulled his boner somewhere off panel, probably while looking at that volume of “Great Boners of All Time” Bruce Wayne keeps in his library. God only knows what Aunt Harriet thought when she saw that one!

But the fun isn’t over yet. Here is an absolutely real Batman water gun. Note the plug and the trigger.

Here is something else I found on the net. I’d give credit where credit is due but I have no idea who made this. Good thing that Batman didn’t have this problem in that Joker caper!

And lastly, not Bat-related but still funny, from the good people at Wrestlecrap:

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