Why Can’t Johnny Read? You Just Don’t Know What He’s Reading.

18 Nov

from January 29, 2009

I love Regents week. Really, I do. Reading the kids’ essays always gives me suggestions for my reading list. Oprah’s book club has nothing on these titles which I discovered are being taught in public schools.

Death of a Sale’s Man, by Mr. Miler. This appears to be the story of a man named Bif and his son, also named Bif. One of them, it seems, doesn’t like being The Sale’s Man, so his son kills him.

The Great Gadspar, by Scott F. Gerald. Gadspar is a wealthy man who likes to throw parties. He is having an affair with a woman who, coincidentally, is also having an affair with him. Neither of them is happy, despite having a big boat with a red light docked outside.

Rita Miller and the Sure Skank Redemption. This is a movie which was also turned into a Steven King book. A guy named Andy wants to make money in prison for the warden, who is planning to rip him off. He gets out of jail and then wants his money, which another convict stole from him. Andy goes to Mexico to get his money but the tough guys at the jail beat him up.

American Gangster. I will quote a student here: “I do not want to do this essay. I am going to write about the movie American Gangster instead. I hope you grade it anyway because I want a good grade and what is the difference between a book and a movie anyway?”

Good point. As the next book demonstrates, there is a very thin and blurry line between a book and a movie.

Holes, by Walt Disney. This book stars Shia LeBouf before he was in Transformers. In this book, he gets sent to Alaska to dig for buried treasure. His best friend is Stanley Yelson.

I can also recommend these classic titles by William Shakespeare, but be warned, he sometimes spells his name “Shakers,” “Shksper,” and, this is true, it was written in an essay booklet, “William Shatnersperson.”

Romeo Loves Juliet
Mac Beth
The Trajidy of Hamlet, King of England
A View from the Bridge
King Mac Beth
A Midnight’s Summer Dream
Lady Macbeth

So get to your local library, fellow fan of literature. These books are guaranteed to amaze you.

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