Tag Archives: work

Training Day

1 Feb

February 1, 2012

My experiences as a high school teacher have amply prepared me for life in corporate America. And I don’t mean that in a good way. Take today for example. My team was assigned to an all-day training session. Those of you who follow me on Twitter may recall a series of tweets about this last week. I was bored. What were we being trained for? The job we have been doing for the last four months.

Also in the session as a newer team doing the same job. How well did we know that other team? Very well. We had trained them.

The trainer was the same person who had taken me and most of my team through our first two weeks of initial training at this company and also a further week a little later on. It is therefore safe to say that all of us in that room knew each other very well.

So as you might expect this meeting of professionals began with a “let’s get to know each other” exercise.

Sigh.

I hated those when I was teaching and I hate them now. Yes, they have some value in certain situations but this wasn’t one of them. And it had no value as an ice-breaker because if you had heard the noise level in that room you’d know the ice had been broken.

As I found out later, there was actually a very good reason for this activity: the trainer was trying vainly to stretch less than two hours of subject matter into an eight-hour day. This also explains our one hour and forty-five minute lunch and three breaks of forty minutes each.

We started off with what our trainer called “The Four C’s.” She gave us sheets of paper and asked us to write a list:

Favorite color
Favorite character
Favorite career
Favorite car

You may recall from some past blogs that I now work for a major Company In America in a security-minded position. I don’t blame you for thinking that this story comes from my days teaching in a troubled inner-city school.

I did not take the training seriously. How could I? I have sat though too many lousy training sessions (and truth be told, led too may of them) to not see right through it.

I was sitting in the last row between my direct supervisor and her direct supervisor. (The power row.) In total there were eighteen of us in the session and I was next to last.

The trainer started going around the room asking for the 4C responses and as it progressed two things became clear. One, a lot of people like the color blue. Two, a lot of people want to own BMW’s. Clearly I had already learned one thing from this training session: I should open up a BMW dealership focusing on blue Beamers.

Another thing that became clear was that in an effort to remain perky and involved our trainer was feigning fascination at people’s pronunciation of the word blue. She imitated everyone’s pronunciation and tried out some foreign accents, finally settling on what she thought was Cockney.

It went on, it seemed, for all of eternity, until it got to me. All throughout some people were more engaged than others. Some just read the list, some gave detailed explanations, others asked questions, but I was in just a bit of a mischievous mood. If I didn’t entertain myself I would go nuts. It was only less than an hour into the session but I could clearly predict where and how it was going. After I introduced myself to the roomful of people I worked with every day, I gave my answers as follows:

“My favorite color is blue and I’ll pronounce it anyway you like”
Trainer: “Bleauuu.”
Me: “Bleauuu.”

“I don’t really have a favorite character but I picked Superman because everyone expects me to.” (And as a blog reader you probably do too.)

“My dream career is anything where I can be my own boss.” (Laughter.) “And preferably yours.”

“My perfect car hasn’t been invented yet. I want some sort of flying super car.”
Trainer: “A BMW super car?”
Me: “A flying BMW super car. From space.”

Click on this picture for a surprise!

The rest of the session consisted of other stimulating activities, like taking turns reading aloud pages from our training manual.

At some point the supervisors on either side of me got pulled out of the meeting by their supervisor, leaving me all alone in the back row. It was the high point of the day not only because I was able to spread out and stretch but I could go on the instant communicator and talk to my friend on another floor with no one watching.

At the end of the session we had to take a 20 question online assessment. It was ridiculously easy because not only had the trainer told us as we went along what we needed to know for the test and I wrote all the answers down, but because even if she had not told us the answers, it was about the job we do all day every day. It took me three minutes and 20 seconds to get every answer correct and I am shocked that it took me that long.

However, I am more shocked (and concerned) that someone on my team needed three attempts and thirty minutes to reach the minimum passing score of 90%.

As a former educator working in the private sector, I hope that other aspects of my old career make their way into this job, like snack time and nap time, because after that training I needed a stiff drink and a snooze.

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The Blog That Was A Decade In The Making! Part 9

9 Nov

November 9, 2011

For this final installment, while avoiding names as always, I just want to give a short overview of some of the teachers I worked with in my department at Horror High over the years.

You may recognize some of them from your own life.

There was the incompetent young guy who had no control over his class, didn’t care,  and only kept his job because the Principal left before he could fire him.

There was the computer coordinator who would only do anything for me if I pulled rank by submitting requests in writing on official letterhead with my name and title right below the Principal’s.

There was the English teacher who was a good guy and a good teacher but was happiest when he left the classroom and became the school librarian.

There was the young female teacher who only got her plum assignments because she sat on the Principal’s lap.

There was the pushy widow who had to be the boss of everything.

There was the young and attractive teacher who unfortunately carried some of her personal problems into the classroom.

There was the young female teacher who was a great person but was too sensitive and needed to toughen up.

There was the tough teacher who eventually became a Dean and later AP of security.

There was the old woman who was near retirement but should have left years ago.

There was the old woman who was near retirement but we desperately needed her to stay. She was good.

There was the a-hole male teacher who did as little work as possible during Regents week

There was the hippie girl who every student liked because she was as bad as they were.

There was the musician who everyone liked. He also slept in a locked room in the school until he was found out.

There was the overbearing teacher who was always loud, everywhere.

There was the really good teacher (and my first friend in the building) who left when she became pregnant and never returned.

There was the good, young teacher who left (and left a void in the department) when she got married and eventually moved out of state. We needed her.

There was the Assistant Principal’s sister.

There was the guy who was involved in the union only so he could have a couple of periods free of teaching.

There was the Social Studies teacher who was teaching out of license in the English Department but had to be kept in the department because she fit a certain demographic.

There were others who came and went, not staying long, not making an impression.

And then there was me.

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