Tag Archives: star trek

The Saturday Comics: Captain Kirk vs. Conan the Barbarian

2 May

May 2, 2014

cropped-sat-com-logo.jpg

 

Remember Power Records? Those old 45 rpm albums that came packaged with a read along comic? They were absolutely fantastic. Star Trek, superheroes, Planet of the Apes, they were a 70’s geeks dream. While doing thing on the web, I came across a great cover of a Star Trek story, The Time Stealer. This was an original story, never aired. From Memory Alpha:

Captain’s log, stardate 6134.6. The mysterious… time slow-down we’re experiencing has affected… not only every crew member on board… but all the Enterprise‘s instruments and computer banks… it’s as if… time itself were winding down… and us with it…

Spock reports that the time slowing phenomena began when the Enterprise came within three light years of the high-density energy field ahead. CaptainKirk orders Sulu to stop the engines and bring impulse power online. As they stop, Spock notes that the time slowing effect has ceased – “at least… things are getting no slower.

Kirk orders the ship turned about to put at least ten light years between them and the strange distortion. Sulu notes that an alien vessel is approaching them from the starboard. Uhura tries to raise communications with them as the viewscreen shows the ship. It has an unfamiliar shape, but appears to be a warship. A hail arrives, and the voice introduces himself as Konrac and demands their surrender. The warship then fires on the Enterprise, causing some minimal damage.

After a quick scan of the other ship, Spock notes that despite its size, there are only two lifeforms aboard. Kirk contacts Scotty and has them beam over the two beings to the Enterprise. When Spock and Kirk arrive at the transport dock, they discover Scotty slumped in a corner and Konrac on the attack. The only reason that Konrac cannot overcome Kirk is due to Kirk’s advanced combat techniques, but they are fighting to a standstill. Spock sneaks up behind the other being, a man dressed in what appear to be wizard’s robes, and uses the Vulcan nerve pinch to quickly subdue him. With that action, Konrac’s strength vanishes, and Kirk is able to easily defeat him.

In sickbay, Dr.McCoy explains that the wizard, Klee, actually is a wizard, and was using magic. As they discuss this, Sulu reports from the bridge that the time-slowdown area has moved. Konrac explains that the distortion is called a Gola and has its own orbit. He further explains that its orbit brings it in range of his planet one a regular basis, causing great problems. His civilization is as old as the Humans, but their development is still at the barbarian stages due to the time slowdown effects.

Captain’s log, supplemental. Konrac and Klee were sincere. Their entire race was counting on them to wipe out the menace that had held their culture locked in a standstill for centuries. And now they had the help of a starship!

Kirk orders Chekov to fire phasers at the Gola, and even after three direct hits, no effect can be seen, just as with the photon torpedoes fired moments before. McCoy suggests that it is because the Gola is twisting time and avoiding the weapons of the Enterprise. At the same time, Spock notes that the Gola is now an enemy with intelligence, and it is approaching them directly. Klee and Spock huddle and discuss the situation. Between the two of them, they come up with a plan to attack its mind rather than its physical form.

Klee began conjuring up mental images of his ancestors and storing them in the Enterprise computer banks. While he was doing so, Konrac tells Kirk about the origins of his culture, and that their oldest ancestors came from a planet called Earth. Before Kirk can inquire further, the Gola approaches even closer. Fortunately, Klee is prepared and launches his attack, but it is not enough. Klee and Konrac’s culture is not old enough. Spock approaches the terminal and begins to glow with the same aura as Klee and added the history of the Vulcan people, millions of years all at once. The Gola is paralyzed with the shock. Spock tells Kirk that during the attack, he could feel the mind of the Gola. They put the sounds onto the speakers and it sounds like a crying baby. Spock notes that it is searching for its parent, the sun that spawned it.

Captain’s log… stardate 6453.2. After using a long-range tractor beam to pull the Gola behind us for several days, we finally released it moments ago… as we orbited the star sun Spock’s calculations had pinpointed as the parent. All of us watched the screen in eager anticipation…

The Gola is no longer a threat, and Konrac and Klee’s world safe, and the two returned. Kirk tells Spock that something about the two still bothers him, and that they came from Earth originally, but that he knows of no records describing a culture vanishing from Earth at that time. Spock retorts, noting that he saw mental images of a sinking continent, and evacuations taking place aboard spaceships. He mentions the legend of Atlantis to which Kirk notes that he may have just solved one of the mysteries of Earth.

At this time, Power Records also had the Conan the Barbarian license, so when it was time to mock-up a cover, what easier way than to swipe some Conan art to stand in for Konrac the Barbarian?

STARTREKtimestealer

There it is, the cover that must have launched a thousand bad fanfics.

 

Chiller Theatre 4/27/2014: Give David Faustino A Coffee

28 Apr

April 28, 2014

Today was the Chiller Theatre convention and let’s get the burning question answered: Was Greg “The Hammer” Valentine drunk? I can’t give you a definitive answer, but here’s how I answered that question last year:

And now, I present Greg “The Hammered” Valentine, April 2014!

Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day at Toyota Park - July 10, 2009

As in years past, some of the more interesting things in the convention are the times when the celebs are let loose and on their own, like anything having to do with Todd Bridges last year. This year’s person of interest was Bud Bundy, (not) better known as David Faustino. I have nothing against him, other than the fact that calling him a celebrity offends me. Ronald McDonald is more of a celebrity. Want proof? Which one hasn’t worked in 25 years (at least in nothing not in the bargain bin at your local gas station) and which one has been steadily employed and loved by millions of (overweight) kids? I rest my case. But other than that he seems like an OK guy. He was signing at the convention and didn’t seem too busy most of the time. But he had am amazing tan, and considering that this is April in the Northeast, that’s saying something.

At one point I was hanging around the snack counter. I had fifteen minutes to kill before my appointment to have a professional photo taken with Walter “Chekov from the Star Trek” Koenig, who was a last minute replacement for Abe Vigoda. (Abe had not died, only cancelled. I think his colonoscopy results came back today.) While I was there, David Faustino came out and went to the counter for coffee. He asked how much it was, the young semi-English speaking woman behind the counter told him $2, he paid, and got his coffee. After he walked off, the young woman started smiling and giggling, and went over to another semi-English speaking woman and said (in semi-English, which I will clean up) “do you know who that was?” the other woman said no, and the giggly one said “he’s on the TV late at night! When he was a kid! I can’t remember his name!”

Ah, fame.

But I was a little put out. As I said, he seems like a nice guy, but David Faustino was an advertised guest at the show. They couldn’t give him a free coffee? Cloris Leachman was there. I bet she got comped. I’d be surprised if Dominic Chianese got charged. But David Faustino? $2 for a cup of coffee which, by the way, he had to pour himself.

In other convention news, I met and took pictures with WWE Superstars The Godfather and Demolition, Jackie “The Jokeman” Martling, and Walter Koenig. Demolition were a pair of great guys, For some reason, we wanted to talk about their tag team championships while they wanted to talk about how crowded the place was yesterday. Go figure. And Jackie Martling was so gracious I almost felt bad saying “F Jackie” to him. (If you know Martling, you know that’s actually a compliment.

There was also a great display of famous monster props. Check them out below.

 Planet of the Apes

Creature from the Black Lagoon

Creature from the Black Lagoon

Monster Trio Monsters1

Phantom of the Opera

Phantom of the Opera

 

Werewolf of London- Henry Hull

Werewolf of London- Henry Hull